DP and I have just moved house last Friday, to be exact. We have a 1yo DD who has been walking for some time and is into everything. Our new house needs a lot of work, some of which we were aware of and some of which we werent. We discovered the boiler needed replacing and so arranged for that to be done on Monday. It was too cold for DD in the house so Fri night she was with her granny, Sat night DP went up there to help out, Sun night I took her to my sisters. By the time we came back at 5pm Monday the new boiler was just coming on. DP had sliced open his finger on a pane of glass in the afternoon so went straight off to A&E. He was gone 4 hours and in that time I fed & bathed DD, put her to bed, cooked a meal and started sorting out our bedroom. In the 24 hours I had been away he had done the square root of fuck all.
Tuesday his finger was still hurting and he was coming down with a cold so I sent him and DD off to his dads for the night. I get 2 whole days alone and work my arse off getting stuff straight. By the time they came home yesterday evening the place was (partially) transformed.
Since moving in he has put up our shelves and stacked his own books / DVDs etc. and put the doors back on our big fridge.
I have set up our living space, organised the TV aerial installation, unpacked the kitchen, unpacked my own books / DVDs, organised DDs bedroom, put all her clothes away, unpacked the bathroom, bought temporary clothes storage, put away my and his clothes, put together a shoe rack, stacked his shoes, put up DDs blackout blind, put up our curtain pole and curtains, put all my clothes away and put all his clothes away.
When he got back from his fathers yesterday the first response I get was a moan about the fact that we no longer have as many channels as in the old house, implying that the aerial guy had taken me for a ride. He hadnt there is now a mountain between us and the main transmitter so we can only pick up from a relay transmitter = fewer channels.
He is extremely down about the amount of work that needs doing, but seems to have absolutely no inclination to actually do any of it. I suppose I am a very dynamic person, I make things happen and so, whilst the amount of work is daunting, I just get on and do it. He appears to think I should have respect for his depression and allow him time to work it through. But Im in the same situation! I feel quite strongly that he needs to shape up now and start helping. I work FT and he is a SAHD, today Im back in work and DD is at nursery. Im a bit apprehensive that Im going to get home and yet again hes spent the day doing nothing.
AIBU? I have tried to make allowances for that fact that his finger does restrict what he can do, and he does have a nasty cold. But even if he cant actively do very much at the moment, I surely dont have to live with him moping round the place like a wet weekend? It is a genuine question, because I can be a bit steamrollerish. Some outside perspective would be helpful to me.
TIA
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Relationships
Moving house, DP attitude - am I being too hard on him?
stowsettler · 06/03/2014 10:15
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