Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What do you think of these messages on DH email?

(223 Posts)
nigella123 Thu 06-Mar-14 04:07:53

I don't know what to think but my stomach is in knots.
He has sent a long email giving a lot of business advise to a woman I also know at the end he has signed it " You are amazing and I am your No 1 fan and chairman of your fan club."
Her reply is "thanks so much for all your advise and help. There is so much I would like to talk to you about - do you think that?"
He replied "We are definitely connected with the same passion, drive, and motivation for life and living"
This was a few days ago - no response from her?
I have not spoken to him about it just trying to process it.
What would you make of these emails?

MistletoeBUTNOwine Thu 06-Mar-14 04:18:04

Very odd indeed hmm

russianfudge Thu 06-Mar-14 04:22:53

Is he tapping her up for a business venture? Is it work email? If so maybe that's why they're being cryptic..?

Did you see it legitimately? If so, ask him. If not, why did you look? Do you have concerns?

My DH would never use language like that so I'd find it a big worry but is he normally complimentary/ flowery like that?

nigella123 Thu 06-Mar-14 04:26:41

I honestly found it by mistake I wasn't looking.
No he is very very straight!
She has her own business and there is not really any reason for him to help her?
It is odd.
We are not friends but friends of friends. She is a nice woman I have always liked her. She is no nonsense. Just like my husband who as I say is very straight!

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 06-Mar-14 04:33:12

There is a good chance nothing is happening but this kind of 'mutual appreciation' rubbish is a red flag that something could IMO. The ego stroking and cut from the same cloth crap would make me feel worried. Talk to him. Or be prepared to do some evidence gathering and snooping beforehand.

russianfudge Thu 06-Mar-14 05:10:38

Hmm... Yes, nothing happening yet but sounds like it could. Sorry sad

More snooping? Ask him?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 06-Mar-14 06:16:41

I would think it was inappropriate. The language is pretty cringey and the kind of thing some smitten teen would write to their pop idol, not someone they're giving business advice to. If I was the woman receiving his mails I'd have blushed to my roots. She's offering to talk further and he's gone a bit OTT. Did he have a wine before he wrote it?

Cabrinha Thu 06-Mar-14 06:45:50

I think it's clear cut flirtation, on both sides, but the early days kind where no-one wants to show their hand. Not even necessarily because it's work mail, but because they don't want to risk looking foolish if it's not reciprocated. They're both sniffing - her would the "do you think that?" and him with the "same motivation in life".

Firstly, I would have a really honest chat with yourself. Do you have NO suspicions at all? Not necessarily about her. Are you happy? Do you love him?

If you're happy and genuinely think this is all there is, then I'd confront him, but gently.
I'd point out that the language he used (not the fab club stuff, the shared passion for life stuff) is how you should feel about your wife. I'd ask him if he felt that about me. Then I'd tell him he was overstepping a line using language like that with someone else.

If he minimises your concern or has a go for snooping, those are black marks against him. Wouldn't mean that he's done anything - just that this is your HUSBAND - it's in the job description of a good one to care about your feelings and respect your concerns.

Logg1e Thu 06-Mar-14 06:56:49

I think that the style and spelling is embarrassing.

EirikurNoromaour Thu 06-Mar-14 07:04:56

Yes they are sounding each other out. It's weird and cringy and inappropriate.

Finola1step Thu 06-Mar-14 07:09:05

Very odd and cringey on both sides. Agree that nothing has happened but sussing each other out. Cabrinha is spot on.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 06-Mar-14 07:34:31

a client's husband has sent me a few emails (she must have given my email) regarding some work advice, and I can tell that he is attempting subtle flirting in it. I have to respond as I can't be rude (risk losing client) but my emails are so unbelievably formal it's like a robot has typed them.

It was funny the other day as I mentioned something he had sent me whilst his wife was there, and he turned the colour of a tomato. I think the emails will stop now!

With these emails there is certainly a level of flirtation on both sides. Hope you're ok OP.

Theoldhag Thu 06-Mar-14 07:34:36

Defiantly rings alarm bells, this needs nipping in the bud pronto.

They are defiantly sounding each other out, how disrespectful to you sad

What do you plan to do?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Thu 06-Mar-14 10:54:31

Has he mentioned to you that he's had any business contact with her at all?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 06-Mar-14 10:59:48

They may not be emailing but texting. I'd be tempted to text him "There is so much I would like to talk to you about - do you think that?" and see how he reacted. Definitely chat tonight.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 06-Mar-14 11:00:39

They may not be emailing any more but texting.

brianbennettfan Thu 06-Mar-14 11:19:50

What everyone else has said, especially Donkeys. I would be amazed if your DH's final remark was the end of it. So sorry OP. Have been there, these suspicions of burgeoning inappropriate relationships are vile.

nigella123 Thu 06-Mar-14 11:47:12

I am stunned I quickly checked his phone this morning and there were a few messages from the beginning of the year.

He basically txt her to see if she was going to the New years eve party that we were and she replied that she didn't want to go but that he should think of her.
He replied at midnight that he was thinking of her (I didn't go to the party in the end).

The next day he has asked when he can meet her.

Then nothing and 2 weeks later he has text her from abroad about how his work is going there she replied. Nothing of any note.

Then it seems like they were meant to meet and didn't they both say how much they miss each other at the end of the text.

Oh my god what am I going to do this doesn't look good or like my DH to be like this - he never looks at other women and is obsessed with work.

I feel like I can't think straight and feel sick.

haveyourselfashandy Thu 06-Mar-14 12:40:05

Ask him.
Don't let him bullshit you.This isn't appropriate at all and he is out of order.
Hope you're holding up ok

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 06-Mar-14 12:45:11

Okay based on that I would now look at bank statements, receipts, diary dates, any unexpected trips away.

nigella123 Thu 06-Mar-14 12:47:41

I am just really really shocked it is not the man I know at all.

We have been together for 20 years and although we have had a few hard years and a lot of marriage counselling things had seemed so much better for the last couple of years. I thought everything was OK now we were pottering along fine and thought we were happy.

He is an amazing Dad and he works really hard (away most of the time).

I will speak to him but wonder if I should do more investigating first. I can't think

BuzzardBird Thu 06-Mar-14 12:48:36

You need to talk to him. It sounds like they have already had something going on unfortunately. sad

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 06-Mar-14 12:52:11

Oh blimey sorry OP thanks

knickernicker Thu 06-Mar-14 12:59:27

If you confront him now, you'll need to keep evidence and be strong and assertive because he'll act hurt that you've snooped and will minimise what he's done. Then they'll cover their tracks.
My feeling is knowledge is power. Wait, get more evidence if you can.
They both spelt advice as advise. That's a bit naff.

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 06-Mar-14 13:01:28

Just a typo I think RE spelling.
The tone is more naff than anything else..... bleurgh.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now