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do things get better?

(7 Posts)
leakylemons Wed 05-Mar-14 15:53:24

Ok so me and the ex have been split up for a year after 4 years of him lying, cheating and generally being an arse. During the year apart he would often stay 3 or 4 nights a week, nothing ever happened, he makes my skin crawl, but I knew dd and ds wouldn't see him if he didn't stay over. After not seeing or hearing from him at all since Christmas I had to get in touch because I needed an op and had to find someone to look after the children. While I was in hospital my dd told me they had been to the cinema with daddy and his new gf. I'm so angry he didn't even ask if this was ok, I thought we were friends. What do you all think? Also my dd, who's 4, told me her dad didn't like her or love her,was heartbreaking, what do you say? I dont want to lie to her but she's probably right. I feel so angry that he's the one that did everything wrong in our relationship and by choosing not to be with him, we have nothing, really nothing, in a couple of weeks we have to move and I've no idea where we're gonna go, while his life is great. I feel so insignificant I thought life would be better without him but it just keeps getting worse

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 05-Mar-14 16:05:58

I think you've been giving this man the benefit of the doubt for so long that it's taken something like the new g/f thing to make you finally realise enough's enough. You've been treating him as a reasonable person - a friend even - and he's never really deserved it.

You tell a 4yo that Dad loves her... no question. But you can also say that Dad doesn't do a good job of showing it sometimes.

Finally. When you say you have 'nothing' you have your DCs, your resilience and your freedom whereas he was and always will be a selfish arse. His new girlfriend has no idea, has she?

Hix Wed 05-Mar-14 16:13:19

Being single you have far, far more than you would if you were stuck with him.

leakylemons Wed 05-Mar-14 16:16:42

Yes I have them thank god, I couldn't bear to be without them. And no, she has no idea, I'm sure she is lovely and part of me wants to scream run for the hills at her! I suppose I feel like we're disposable, good enough till something better comes along. I don’t want to sound like a victim because I don't feel like one, I think everything's just got on top of me and I needed to vent, I don't really have anyone to talk to about it

Jan45 Wed 05-Mar-14 16:36:07

So you had to get in touch with him over xmas, did he not even get in touch with his own kids, he sounds a real prize, you are so well rid!

Tbh, he'd have been the last person I'd have looked at for support, he is and never will be your friend, he treated you like shit and still is, don't be reliant on him for anything.

With regards to the kids, all you can do is say daddy does love you, the rest is up to him, they will soon realise what he is, nothing you can do about that apart from love them and do your best to be a great mum, sounds like you are already.

Jan45 Wed 05-Mar-14 16:36:43

And he definitely should not be staying over at your home, you're giving him far too much leeway.

leakylemons Wed 05-Mar-14 20:57:24

Thank you, and no he gave me £100 for their christmas presents, then took £60 back! I dont have any family here so if I need anyone to look after dc's I have to ask him, which I wish wasnt the case.
There's no part of me that wants him back, throwing him out was the best thing I ever did smile

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