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Bit fed up with lack of support

(11 Posts)
Confusedbytechnology Wed 05-Mar-14 15:49:18

Hi
I have posted about my lovely bf before who i love very much. However lately I have been feeling a bit neglected and under appreciated.
He is going through some tough times at work and I have been supporting him by listening and helping him as best I can. The problems are big and not of his own making so we have been under lots of pressure.
We are expecting a court case will be the outcome.
However last night whilst staying at his I had a panic attack. I get them now and again. He went to work as normal and didnt phone or text to see if I was ok.
I think given hes been in tears over recent problems more than once that he should have been a bit more supportive.
We are getting together later supposedly. I have a feeling he will bail although this may just be my own insecurity.
I am just venting now as in most ways he is so great.
Should I raise how I feel or leave is it as we are already having a bad time?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 05-Mar-14 16:11:42

This all sounds like very hard work.
How long have you been together?
Looking very hard at this - what do you REALLY get out of this relationship.
Sounds like you do all the giving from your post.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 05-Mar-14 16:12:56

Of course you should raise how you feel. A panic attack is very frightening and, no matter what's going on at his workplace, he should still be able to check you're OK. If he bails later, that would be selfish.

'Love' is a verb or, as the kids put it, 'a doing word'. There's no point him saying I love you and then not acting in a loving way.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 05-Mar-14 17:57:47

During a prolonged crisis it is too easy for one partner to get used to the other being there for him or her, and always a willing support. Even to the point that when there is a break in the pattern, and a danger of roles suddenly reversing, there is marked reluctance to show empathy, or an accusation of 'competitive woe'.

It's not asking too much to hope your DP would have taken note and asked how you were.

Next time you see him in person, I would give him a nudge and say, hey thanks for asking how I am, support's a two way thing you know! see if he responds.

If you are by nature a rescuer, it is important not to do all the legwork in a relationship. Consider it as teamwork.

Confusedbytechnology Wed 05-Mar-14 20:55:50

You are right in that I can be a bit of a rescuer.
He called me at half six to say he had errands then would call and am still waiting.
I am getting really annoyed now and will have to tell him. He's so involved in his problems I think he forgets about the fact that I also have issues I want to talk about.
Grrrrr

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 06-Mar-14 08:29:07

It's called 'selfishness'. hmm Not a pleasant trait in a boyfriend.

Confusedbytechnology Thu 06-Mar-14 11:20:08

well he did come round last night and all was fine.
I do feel he is a bit caught up in his own issues but then I dont really want to add to them either
We parted on good terms this morning (great sex last night cheered me up too lol) and we have plans for the next few days
I think I will just let things ride at the moment as he is under a lot of pressure. I am v happy with him really and part of this is my own insecurity I think.
Being in a relationship makes me crazy as I feel its such a risk to give your heart to anyone as they could so easily break it.
I spent the last year in fwb relationships so this has me really rattled

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 06-Mar-14 11:54:42

So did you mention the panic attack or not?

Jan45 Thu 06-Mar-14 13:04:49

No having a panic attack and your partner not recognising this or supporting you has nothing to do with you being insecure, it's basic manners really.

Confusedbytechnology Fri 07-Mar-14 10:17:04

Yes he asked me about it and we seem much better now.
Just been a bit of a tough week really

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 07-Mar-14 10:49:27

We parted on good terms this morning (great sex last night cheered me up too lol) and we have plans for the next few days

I spent the last year in fwb relationships so this has me really rattled

As long as the good rapport you have between the sheets also extends to life out of bed ie mutual support, respect and trust, then you'll have nothing to worry about.

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