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Skype linked to my hotmail

(36 Posts)
Clairesafatgirlsname Wed 05-Mar-14 12:46:52

Hello all,
I've just logged onto my windows live account on a laptop, I only ever check this email on my phone so the new live layout is new to me. In the corner, there is an icon like a message bubble with a smiley face, I assumed this was my msn which I haven't used for years. It had a '2' on it so, thinking I had some messages, I clicked it. I found it is actually linked to my husbands skype account, it's a very old one that (I thought) he doesn't use anymore. Does anyone know what the heck this is about? It opened to a conversation started a week ago with a girl, very sexual and clearly been 'camming' together. She mentions her boyfriend a swell. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I'm shaking. We've only been married 4 months. I have screen shotted everything but have not contacted him yet as he is on exercise so probably unreachable for a few hours. Also, I want to think carefully about my next move. I never thought this would happen. We were happy and this is going to change our lives. I'm also hoping for (naively) for a reasonable explanation. We have 2 DC aged 7 and 9. I'm sorry for any mistakes, I'm on my phone. Thank you for reading, any hand holding, experience or advice would be greatly appreciated.

livingzuid Wed 05-Mar-14 12:51:45

Oh no so sorry to hear that. It does sound very bad I'm afraid, I can't imagine a scenario where the conversation would have been between someone else. Others will have more advice but good to have the screen shots and I think you will have to confront him soon. Do you have access to that email account of his you mention to see if there is anything else?

Even though they may not have physically done anything he has still cheated and detached from you and your dcs.

Take good care of yourself thanks

bragmatic Wed 05-Mar-14 12:52:07

Oh, I'm very sorry. It must be quite a shock.

I'd start gathering any financial information, and anything else you might need in the event of a separation/divorce. Having the information at hand does not mean that you are committing to dissolving the marriage mind, just that you are prepared. Do you have a house/mortgage together?

I imagine he will deny that anything happened. They always do. Do you know the woman involved?

Finally, do you have someone you can call for support? A friend, sister? Your mum?

Clairesafatgirlsname Wed 05-Mar-14 13:07:45

Thank you for your replies. I don't have any rl support, NC with parents, the only people I can really talk to is mil and I don't think that would be appropriate, I could talk to my SIL but she would tell my brother and I'm not ready for that. I will go to the welfare office once I've stopped crying to see where I stand re housing, no mortgage as we live in quarters. I just want it to be a mistake.

brighteyedbusytailed Wed 05-Mar-14 13:11:14

oh I'm very sorry must be a big shock,

well done on having the nonce to get screenshots and not letting the urge to just let emotions take over.

must be excrutiating just waiting for him reply.

brighteyedbusytailed Wed 05-Mar-14 13:11:47

*sorry I miss read you have not contacted him.

Fidelia Wed 05-Mar-14 13:20:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livingzuid Wed 05-Mar-14 13:32:15

claire are you a forces wife? Just wondering given you make reference to quarters. And if so, is there a welfare officer you can visit? I believe all this is treated in confidence by them.

struggling100 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:39:15

thanks thanks thanks

What an awful shock for you. Please, please get whatever support you can - both practical and emotional. We are all here for you. xxx

Clairesafatgirlsname Wed 05-Mar-14 13:52:02

Hi, thank you. Yes, he is in the army, I'm sorry I thought I had put it in the OP. I will look into the infidelity forum (can't believe I'm even typing that) I don't know who she is, from the messages it seems he doesn't even know her, she isn't on his Facebook friends list but her surname on Skype is a location as well so who knows? I'm not sure I even care tbh. She hasn't cheated on me. Thankfully he is away until Friday but may try to call me tonight, I absolutely cannot speak to him, so will have to tell him I know. Thank you all for your kind words.

Clairesafatgirlsname Wed 05-Mar-14 13:52:38

Sorry for all the typos! Finding it hard to type and I'm on my phone.

yegodsandlittlefishes Wed 05-Mar-14 14:01:35

Sorry if this is hard, OP, but I do get explicit messages from women offering all kinds of things on Skype. They are not picky who they say these things to. I just block them now, but used to talk to them a bit. Do you thunk your DH could have just been having a laugh, just seeing what would happen if he said hello to one of these messages and nothing really happened from his pov?
Also, if this happened while he was away, could it have been someone else using his account (either where he is stationed or in your home on your laptop)?

livingzuid Wed 05-Mar-14 14:10:43

Ah sorry the 'on exercise' didn't register in my pregnant brain!

Good that you have some time to think about how you'd like to approach it. You don't have to talk to him tonight if you don't want to.

And even if it is as pp said, some random woman appearing on Skype, I'd be furious if my dh engaged in a conversation like that with a stranger for 'fun'. But I think it's beyond that from what you've said.

Clairesafatgirlsname Wed 05-Mar-14 15:07:53

Those were my first thoughts, yegods. I'm sorry to drip feed but I realise I haven't been very clear. He's been on a course for the last six weeks, staying in barracks about an hour away, so coming home on weekends. This conversation happened on Wednesday and he told her he was in his room, he also used some phrases and the writing style was his (if that makes sense?) he's only been on exercise since Monday. I've looked at my own call log and I called him on Wednesday a couple of minutes after the last message he sent her, so I must have interrupted. He came home the next day as we had a funeral to go to on Friday. Then he was with me all we and exercise Monday, so he hasn't replied to her daily messages. I've decided to wait until he's home to tell him I know, I want to see his face. If he contacts me I'll just make excuses. Now the shock is wearing off I'm getting fucking angry and don't trust myself to talk to him.

yegodsandlittlefishes Wed 05-Mar-14 15:21:02

So in the archive, there is one convesation. No other history between them?
Could any money have exchanged hands?

Clairesafatgirlsname Wed 05-Mar-14 16:06:30

I don't know sad I really hope not. He isn't the type to pay for stuff like that. Sorry if it's tmi but he's always asked me to send pics/ FaceTime when he's away. But then, I thought he wasn't the 'type' to cheat, either. I guess I don't know him.
She's just sent another message and pics. I've figured out the reason his skype is appearing in my hotmail is because he used the same email to set up this skype account and my hotmail account. I hadn't registered a skype account when they updated hotmail to outlook or whatever as I never log in.
Thanks to all of you for your messages, you've helped me keep calm this afternoon xx

livingzuid Wed 05-Mar-14 16:13:32

So it sounds a bit more then sad

I think it's easier to have this conversation face to face with him so you can gauge his reaction. You also have time to see if he responds as well to the messages.

In the meantime think over what you want to do. Enjoy time with your dcs and do nice things for yourself to distract you. And gather legal information. If you want to leave, how can that be arranged? Speak to the welfare officer to see if there is assistance to rehome you. What benefits are available to you if you are on your own?

You don't have to act on any of this but knowing what your options are should you choose to end the relationship will give you strength and control.

And please if there is a friend you can talk to do. Rl support is so important.

yegodsandlittlefishes Wed 05-Mar-14 16:16:03

I'm still holding out for this to be a misunderstanding of some kind, but I do hope that you get to the truth of this. If it is as bad as it seems, you know there is a lot of support for you here on MN to get you through it.

livingzuid Wed 05-Mar-14 16:21:37

And you should be angry. He's engaged in very intimate discussions with another woman regardless of whether it was a joke or something serious. Bloody stupid of him either way and he's clearly engaged with her on some level.

I do hope that it's a storm in a teacup but it just doesn't sound it. Stay strong.

Snugglesrock Wed 05-Mar-14 16:38:40

Have you got access to money? Joint bank account etc
Savings etc?
Do you or dc need anything coming up

Get them bought now if so and if u can
Uve got a day or so to get prepared for what could be ahead.
My advice would be to use it wisely

Hugs you are going thru this
It goes get better I promise x

Snugglesrock Wed 05-Mar-14 16:40:00

Oh n screen capture messages on ur phone as evidence

firstpost Wed 05-Mar-14 16:49:45

Sorry you are going through this hmm

I think you need to speak with your husband face to face. Can he be bought home from exercise? Jccc? Or more informally?

There is a 93 day rule on retaining your quarter in event of you splitting up but welfare can advise you of all that. Also free fast track referral to relate if you want to try and work things out.

For now baby steps, make a plan. Be kind to yourself seek support and most of all remember this is NOT your fault.

Christmascandles Wed 05-Mar-14 17:02:36

I found out about my DH cheating in a similar way to you. Literally stumbled upon a hotmail account. So I truly know how shocked you feel. Sick and hurt and angry. I dug about and found a yahoo account too. (Think he'd forgotten that I was a techie prior to the kids) cos he'd hidden and deleted stuff, but not enough so I couldn't find it!!

For the third blush time today (of saying this, not to you, but sadly to others) I will share the cheaters script.
Deny
Delete
minimise / drip feed

Deny it happened whilst at the same time deleting everything and then when you confront say it was only messaging, only met once, only a kiss, only a bj and my absolute favourite, met once but couldn't get an erection as felt too guilty, yeah, fucking right....

He will deny it and then prob try and turn it around to be your fault. Didn't pay him enough attention, busy with DC, lonely working away, blah-de-blah-de-blah.....

Stay strong OP and keep posting here. Holding your hand brewthanks

Clairesafatgirlsname Wed 05-Mar-14 17:09:13

I have costume making with DC for tomorrow's world book day to keep me busy this evening. I'd like to loosen the knots in my stomach with some wine but I've given it up for bloody lent. I don't think jccc will be able to help, also he's on a class 1 course so I don't want him to mess it up, I think I'm also grateful to have this time to process and figure out what I want, if I saw him now I'd fall to bits and probably let him talk his way out of it.

Clairesafatgirlsname Wed 05-Mar-14 17:13:34

I'm sorry to hear that, christmascandles sad what did you do? Did you decide to stay together? I know he will minimise. I don't think he's sick enough to try and make it my fault (I hope) he was in an incredibly abusive relationship years ago and she would always convince him that her cheating and hitting him was her fault, so I really hope he won't try and do that to me.

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