Hi, seem to have got myself in a bit of a tangle & don 't feel that I can share with frie ds & family. Things have been a struggle between myself & my dh for at least the last year, probably longer if I'm honest. Normal stuff, he works f/t & I'm nearly f/t & the main breadwinner, I also do most household tasks, school/nursery run, manage the finances, plan holidays etc etc. Things have come to a head recently when I discovered that he hid credit card debt from me (again) & when he put work first when he had a commitment to look after our dd & ds for a day @ 1/2 term - he assumed I would just take a carer's day from work. So things have been rocky, we've tried counselling, talking etc lots of promises get made but are short lived. I should also say that I'm not perfect, I can be q volatile & shout at the children & him when I'm cross, sometimes this is work/life stress spilling over which I know isn't right & certainly isn't pretty. A couple of weeks ago he inadvertently opened a porn site on his 'phone in front of me, apparently a guy @ work had mentioned it etc etc. What bothered me the most was that our children could also have accidently been exposed to it - we tend to leave our phones around. They didn't actually see anything though. Last nite I turned on the laptop which couldn't have been shut down correctly, it restored the last browser session & I was immediately confronted by a nude woman giving a guy a blow job. I felt & still feel, physically sick that he again risked our children (aged 5 & 2) being exposed to this accidentally. When I confronted him he admitted that he has looked at porn throughout our marriage several times a month or when he feels v stressed. Again, it's not the porn per se it's his stupidity & inability to clean up after himself, how could he risk the children seeing this when we logged on to watch cbeebies ?? Also, we have always had mismatched libidos, I want more sex, but he has rejected me many, many times & we've only had sex a handful of times since our ds so I feel completely betrayed. Sorry to ramble, just can't talk to anyone close to me. I've told him he will have to stay elsewhere for a couple of weeks but dread telling the children & the emotional distress I know will follow but I also know that our arguements are not a healthy environment for them either. Just feel so alone.
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