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Reassurance needed

(2 Posts)
JohPa Tue 04-Mar-14 12:56:08

Hi, seem to have got myself in a bit of a tangle & don 't feel that I can share with frie ds & family. Things have been a struggle between myself & my dh for at least the last year, probably longer if I'm honest. Normal stuff, he works f/t & I'm nearly f/t & the main breadwinner, I also do most household tasks, school/nursery run, manage the finances, plan holidays etc etc. Things have come to a head recently when I discovered that he hid credit card debt from me (again) & when he put work first when he had a commitment to look after our dd & ds for a day @ 1/2 term - he assumed I would just take a carer's day from work. So things have been rocky, we've tried counselling, talking etc lots of promises get made but are short lived. I should also say that I'm not perfect, I can be q volatile & shout at the children & him when I'm cross, sometimes this is work/life stress spilling over which I know isn't right & certainly isn't pretty. A couple of weeks ago he inadvertently opened a porn site on his 'phone in front of me, apparently a guy @ work had mentioned it etc etc. What bothered me the most was that our children could also have accidently been exposed to it - we tend to leave our phones around. They didn't actually see anything though. Last nite I turned on the laptop which couldn't have been shut down correctly, it restored the last browser session & I was immediately confronted by a nude woman giving a guy a blow job. I felt & still feel, physically sick that he again risked our children (aged 5 & 2) being exposed to this accidentally. When I confronted him he admitted that he has looked at porn throughout our marriage several times a month or when he feels v stressed. Again, it's not the porn per se it's his stupidity & inability to clean up after himself, how could he risk the children seeing this when we logged on to watch cbeebies ?? Also, we have always had mismatched libidos, I want more sex, but he has rejected me many, many times & we've only had sex a handful of times since our ds so I feel completely betrayed. Sorry to ramble, just can't talk to anyone close to me. I've told him he will have to stay elsewhere for a couple of weeks but dread telling the children & the emotional distress I know will follow but I also know that our arguements are not a healthy environment for them either. Just feel so alone.

Bridezilla3521 Tue 04-Mar-14 15:42:49

Hi OP,

Didnt want to read & run - hand to hold thanks

What is the main issue here - that he has looked at porn, that you feel he doesn't do enough around the house or with DCs, or that he lies (credit card)?! Do you think there's more in terms of the lies?

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