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I just don't really know what to do :(

(14 Posts)
Imonfire0791 Tue 04-Mar-14 05:09:23

I'm writing this post in complete desperation really, as I'm not really sure what else to do next.
I'm in a long distance relationship of three years while I study, it didn't start off like that, six months in, my boyfriend relocated for a job promotion and that was fine, I supported him. Recently though,I just feel like I'm the one who makes all the effort, I'm the one who does all the travelling, he says it's because I get more holiday than he does, which is true but I would just like to feel that I am worth the effort to him. Also, I am thinking of doing a postgrad course, I have applied up and down the country but so far only heard back from one.uni, which will make the distance even greater between us. When I applied, he was very supportive but since I've got the interview he has been very distant and I am wondering if he may be slightly depressed ( he never wants to talk to me on the phone so we sit in silence until it's awkward, and all he does he sleep when he's not at work) and I don't know what to do about any of it! I haven't slept for the past ten nights because I am so concerned about his mental well being.
Not even sure of the point of this post, maybe just by typing it I might feel calmer!

JessePinkmansMom Tue 04-Mar-14 05:23:07

My gut feeling as that he feels the relationship has run its course and he has quite possibly met someone else. I'm sorry.

It's possible that he is depressed of course, but I think you need to face up to the more likely reasons for his emotional distance and apathy before you jump to any conclusions about his mental health.

Casmama Tue 04-Mar-14 05:53:57

I'm sorry Imon but my first reaction was the same as Jesse's. You have done well to reach 3 years together after being separated at 6 months but it sounds likehe is going through the motions and doesn't have the guts to end it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 04-Mar-14 06:58:31

I also agree with Jesse. He doesn't sound mentally ill, just not interested at all. If he sits in silence on the phone, he has nothing to say to you. Three years is a very long time for an LDR and perhaps you need to have the 'I don't think this relationship is really working' conversation. He'll either agree and end it or it'll spur him into action. Anything is better than this limbo situation.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 04-Mar-14 07:20:19

You supported him when he relocated for work, you do all the travelling to see him, why do I have the old Janet Jackson song "What have you done for me lately" in my head?

Maybe the new study opportunity is the perfect time to draw a line under this and say a graceful goodbye.

JessePinkmansMom Tue 04-Mar-14 08:14:35

If you have been with him since before you went off to uni at 18 then perhaps you both got very serious very young, and he is now ready to move on but just doesn't know how to articulate it for fear of hurting you.

JeanSeberg Tue 04-Mar-14 08:20:09

Take a back seat for a while and see what he does - don't contact him and don't suggest any plans to meet up. He'll either fade away or realise he needs to pull his weight if he wants to still see you.

Lweji Tue 04-Mar-14 08:24:08

Why should it be a mental health problem?
He went away, he doesn't visit you, he doesn't talk to you and he doesn't spend time with you.
It sounds like he's doing his best to get you to leave him. Sorry. sad

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Tue 04-Mar-14 14:09:45

Do what's best for you - as in taking the post grad course that you need - and if the relationship cannot get through it, that's your answer. It does sound like you're doing all the work though. Is that the type of relationship you really want?

Jan45 Tue 04-Mar-14 14:17:09

Stop doing al the running, let him come to you for a change, his attitude is simply that he isn't interested anymore so leave him to it I say.

TippiShagpile Tue 04-Mar-14 14:21:49

I agree with everyone who says it sounds like the relationship has run its course. You can't carry on like this and it sounds like you're getting nothing out of the relationship. I suspect he's just too cowardly to end it or is waiting until he's met someone else before he does.

Move on - don't waste anymore time on this relationship.

Good luck.

lynniep Tue 04-Mar-14 14:22:45

He has lost interest. Don't waste your precious time. Sorry x

Melonbreath Tue 04-Mar-14 16:37:44

End it. Go to uni and have a blast.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Tue 04-Mar-14 16:45:03

absence does not always make the heart grow fonder.

Doesn't sound like he is that committed to a long distance relationship. ok, he may be depressed, we can't say he is or he isn't and what you have observed is not enough to make that determination either but awkward silences more often mean that you can't think of anything to say. As to only sleeping when he's not at work - you're not there. how do you know what he's doing?

Sit down and have an honest talk about whether this is working for both of you. That's all you can do.

It takes a LOT to maintain a long distance relationship. It's hard for anyone. It's harder for two people who were only together for a short time in the first place.

Are you both young? I just wonder with you talking about postgraduate. That also makes a difference. You do grow apart that much more quickly.

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