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Dick pictures

(98 Posts)
Thanksfebb Mon 03-Mar-14 22:22:11

Just why?? Why do men send these?

Found a picture in dh's phone outbox to a weird email address with just a word and number (no name). There is another message to that address just saying 'no I didn't' but that was two weeks before the picture

Trying to think of a reason he'd have sent this that isn't bad but can't really think of one.

Logg1e Fri 07-Mar-14 10:10:18

Sounds painful.

WhateverTrevor83 Fri 07-Mar-14 10:04:52

Surely he will have deleted everything by now though.

The hacked excuse is pitiful!

Hope you're alight OP

BeforeAndAfter Fri 07-Mar-14 04:47:47

I think dirty badger's right.

A lot of men on NSA sites upload a cock shot on to their NSA site profile. My guess is he's on one (or more) of these sites. Google NSA (no strings attached) and hook up and you'll find a host of sites popping up. Brace yourself though, if you've never heard of these sites before it's eye-opening.

Did you search his computer folders for the photo(s)? He will have had to save it somewhere to upload it unless he's taking them and sending them from his phone.

At best he's 'just looking, not touching'. At worst he's meeting the recipients. Either way my heart goes out to you.

I'm so sorry OP.

Dirtybadger Thu 06-Mar-14 21:26:10

My ex used a cam site and these women came up with numbers and letters on his messenger (as above). And some prostitutes from Craigslist (less likely they'd be receptive to cock shots though!).
He was paying the cam girls, though. They wouldn't have messages him privately otherwise. Worth looking into. Fortunately dipshit left himself logged on to the sites and it has a thorough record on it of conversations, money, etc. If the same (popular) site, anyway.

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 06-Mar-14 21:18:42

Evening all

I have the delight of working with a (very) blokey bloke. He always asks me for advice re women and I ask him a few things based on some of the MN horror stories (he was horrified by that bloke on the other thread leaving his wanky pants on the floor btw for those who remember it...). Anyway...

He says that email addresses with numbers in are inbox addresses for sex sites - I didn't even mention the photo of the willy, just that a friend's dh had been emailing weird email addresses with numbers in.

He said that sometimes there are 'affair' sites like one called Illicit Encounters (!) and just plain old grotty sex-chat sites.

In the interests of science I just googled it... Have you checked his internet history op?

Dirtybadger Thu 06-Mar-14 21:14:04

The best case scenario is that he's sent these to some randomer off the internet. A forum, a chat room, a cam site. But he has no intention of "cheating" (if you don't consider that cheating, you set your standards no one else) and never would. But he is lying.

The worst case scenario is that he is cheating or has been cheating. And he's lying about it.

Both scenarios he is lying. He must know it's a really crap lie, too. Either he thinks you're stupid or he knows you know, wants you to read between the lines and stfu and forgive him. Except without any open discussion, apology, etc.

handfulofcottonbuds Thu 06-Mar-14 21:02:18

I understand where you are right now. I know it's probably difficult to hear the opinions on here.

Here are the facts as I see them

1) You have only just found out

2) he's denying, denying, denying

3) you are doubting your own instincts - after all this is a man you love, this would be out of character

4) there is no rationalising this in your head so maybe he is telling the truth

The real facts are that you know in your heart whether he is telling the truth. Hindsight for all of us that have been or are going this awful betrayal is a nasty 'gift' that we are left with. We can see the signs, we hope we're wrong but reading threads on here there are so many sad stories of betrayal in one form or another.

I thought for months that my stbxh was going through some kind of mental breakdown, I was sick with worry. He wasn't, he was cheating. He denied, said it was all in my head, it was my problem if I didn't trust him - my God, even when I confronted him with the evidence, he denied it.

You have just found this, you are confused - none of us should make you feel foolish, you need time. This has blind-sided you and you have come on here for advice. Take your time, let it sink in, talk to him, ask him to give you space if you need it.

You may not ever know the truth but instincts are rarely wrong. You know him, you know what the truth is.

LoisPuddingLane Thu 06-Mar-14 20:59:44

My email address was hacked. Nonsense emails with dodgy (in the viral sense) links in were sent to all my contacts. None of these (as far as I'm aware) were a close up picture of a cock. Because that is not what happens when your email gets hacked. There isn't a cock fairy wandering around sending cock shots randomly.

AnyFucker Thu 06-Mar-14 20:53:53

that is why you don't "do nothing"

Cabrinha Thu 06-Mar-14 20:44:13

I think it's really hard for any intelligent woman who has not been in this type of situation to understand how another intelligent woman can even start to believe there's an OK explanation.
Or how powerful someone just sticking to a story is, even when the story is so very unlikely.

But I've been that intelligent woman, so I'm sending you hugs.

It seems like such a silly thing to end a relationship over - what, you divorced him for sending a cock shot, and he always told you it was even his? He was HACKED!
I understand.

Can I share with you my experience though?

- it teaches them that yeah, they can do it and get away with it. You've got more commitment to the marriage than them - you'll put up with it.

- you may be suspicious forever more. Checking phones, noticing variations in routines... you'll hate that that is your life, in time

- you may be absolutely churned up that you could be treated like you're so fucking thick, a total mug for accepting that bollocks. You may be angry and resentful - not conducive to a happy marriage. Your sex life may suffer - afterall, you don't know where he's been and you know he doesn't love and respect you.

- over time you may be angry with YOURSELF for allowing yourself to be treated like an idiot

That was my life.
Something pretty minor months after we met. Oh well, he lied - I know that, but we're early days, it wasn't so bad... (hint to self: if they're straying that early, no matter how minor, they are never going to be the right one)

Some major stuff that was tenuously explained away, but hey, we're getting married soon, we're TTC, I love him, would I chuck this away when it looks really suspicious but he says he only LOOKED at escort sites...
At this point OP, I'm not offended if you think "mug" - in fact, please do smile See how easy it is to explain it away to yourself!

Then you are certain he's done it. No proof, he's saying it looks bad, but that evidence was all from last time, he hasn't looked since, honest... You finally 99% don't believe him. But you're married, you have a tiny baby...

The baby turns 4 and you find solid proof. It's finally not argued that he did it all along. You dump his sorry arse but you walk away knowing that you CHOSE to let him treat you that way. And that hurts so much. More than what he did to me, what I did to myself. That I didn't value myself enough to say - "uh, hacked email? Liar! I'm out". Where did I go wrong that I thought I should stay?
- no proof?
- didn't think I'd get anyone else?
- thought I could "fix" it?
- thought, well this is life, marriages are supposed to be worked on?
- thought there was some sort of prize giving at the end for Taking Your Marriage Seriously?

Who bloody knows. All I can tell you is that the expression "I felt like a weight had lifted" was spot on. I dumped him, I was walking on air. I really did feel lighter.

If you knew me IRL... I'm nice, attractive, funny, caring, confident enough (not the life & soul, but not shy), healthy, financially independent, intelligent, astute...

And yet, I still fell for the "maybe" and "no evidence" trap.

When I told my ex I was done with him, he said "I only looked" and I said "don't you realise that is enough reason for me to leave you?"

You don't NEED proof, you don't need anything except knowing that this man has made you unhappy.

Good luck OP. x

Logg1e Thu 06-Mar-14 20:29:09

I think it's ok to do nothing and not rush in to a decision.

I also respect your right to decide to do nothing, but it seems a very sad life to live.

AnyFucker Thu 06-Mar-14 20:21:29

I don't understand. You can think of no reason why it would be innocent.

So you swallow it and do nothing ?

There is an alternative. Accept he is sending cock pics to people outside of your relationship as the fact it is, and act accordingly

if that fact is ok with you, then of course, do nothing

sometimes just believing what we see with our own eyes is actually enough, hard as that may be to believe confused

waltermittymissus Thu 06-Mar-14 20:12:00

the general consensus is that someone would only send that to someone they were sleeping with or trying to

Ok, say it wasn't that. Say it was just him sending pictures of his cock to either a) randomers or b) someone he's in contact that ok with you??

Thanksfebb Thu 06-Mar-14 20:01:20

I don't know for sure that it's not innocent but can't think of a reason that it could be considering the general consensus is that someone would only send that to someone they were sleeping with or trying to

I haven't decided what to do

Logg1e Thu 06-Mar-14 19:48:57

Am I right in thinking that you know it's not innocent, but you aren't going to do anything? Not in the near future, or not at all?

Thanksfebb Thu 06-Mar-14 19:45:13

Sorry no news really I did ask him again and said I didn't believe that it could have been hacked he stuck to his story and still denies that it is him. I haven't done anything yet and I know I am probably fooling myself thinking it could be innocent but don't think I can do anything drastic based on this.

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 06-Mar-14 10:25:11

How are you getting on Feb ?

AnyFucker Wed 05-Mar-14 20:27:41

Believe me, Saints, don't ever bother trying it

It is not a turn on for most rightminded women

ForalltheSaints Wed 05-Mar-14 20:20:26

As a man I struggle to think why and man would do this

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 16:43:22

Feel really sorry for you OP. I know that doesn't help. What he's done/is doing is one thing but the cringeworthy lying is an insult to your intelligence.

Don't let him wriggle off the hook - I think you know he's dodgy as.


puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 05-Mar-14 14:51:32

I freak when I think I've been hacked. I would look straight away if it was me, plus I would have sent an email to those in my inbox to say I had been hacked. Especially if it was dick pictures they were sending.

Sounds like he is lying very badly op

MostWicked Wed 05-Mar-14 14:50:33

Spam email sent when your email gets hacked, sends emails to everyone in your address book, never just one person.
Out of all of the spam email I have received, I have never received a picture of a cock. It just doesn't fit the spam style. Spam has a purpose - phishing, viruses, advertising links etc - never random pictures.

Do you have the email address it was sent to?
Could you send another email to say, do you want another picture?

waltermittymissus Wed 05-Mar-14 14:47:08

If dh told me he'd found pictures of my vagina that I'd sent to someone I would be, at the very least, wanting to see these messages for myself!

Wouldn't you?

kentishgirl Wed 05-Mar-14 11:11:51

'maybe it's the very convoluted one in a million chance and not the bleeding obvious explanation'

yep, I did the self delusion thing too. I won't make that mistake again. The simplest explanation is usually the right one.

Gettingmeback Wed 05-Mar-14 01:32:32

Thanks I'm sorry you're going through this. What a shock. TBH I don't think that behaviour which appears out of character applies when it's about cheating and OW. This is exactly the sort of behaviour that an otherwise seemingly harmless, loyal, doesn't generally send dick shots, man does when cheating. The thrill is often that it is so different from his relationship with you and he can indulge in the sordid. He knows his bullshit story is insulting but he also knows you can't prove otherwise so if he just keeps denying, you'll let it go. And that is usually what happens. I think you need to take back control, tell him you don't believe him and it's over. See what he says then.

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