Need a break. From ALL of them!

[ormirian]

Title says it all.

I want to move out. Just for a few weeks. Just me, my books, the dog and my OS maps. I would go to bed when I wanted to, walk and run lots and please no-one but myself and dog.

There is only one member of my family who doesn't cause me worry atm. H's jobs is a bit dodgy and he isn't well - I think it's mostly stress but he won't have it. DS1 is fucking up his college course like he did his GCSEs. DS2 is hurtling towards his secondary school start with major problems with his maths and much as I love him, he is the most stubborn and eccentric human being I have ever met. DD, my lovely gorgeous DD is working hard and just getting one with life - but even she is getting a bit lairy and teenagery.

I have put on vast amounts of weight and I want to come off my depression meds but I know I can't or I might just find myself taking a long walk off a short pier.

But.....a few blessed days of no-one to worry about would be just perfect. ANyone else ever feel like this? When does the worrying and the angst end?

[Joules68]

Yes I do too

I don't think it ever ends... They grow up but then have partners, babies.... It multiplies I think

[pluCaChange]

Do your ADs react with alcohol? There's a reason many mothers "medicate" with alcohol: it does create a bit of distance.

Other means of gaining mental space include allowing tablet/smartphone use and hiding behind newspapers/books for one meal a day, taking time during dinner when They are eating, to go out and walk the dog, developing the shits....

...although if your setup, with older children, allows for it, perhaps a few days away might not hurt!

Sorry, you sound so demoralised!

[Stoneinwelly]

Ormirian- couldn't read and run. I know someone with much better advice will be along soon. I have a dyslexic ds12 and a v strong willed dd14 so I feel some of your pain! I hope you feel better soon.

[maras2]

With what you've been through recently Orm , no one would blame you for taking time for yourself . Kids sound as if they're living up to their job descriptions ( so glad mine are finished with teen stuff ) Is DH really poorly or is he still a bit ' dog in manger '? Youve done so well keeping it all together but needs must so have some private time enjoy doggy company and come back ready to take it all on board again. Best wishes. Mx.

[Finola1step]

Ormirian. What is stopping you going away on your own, even if it is just for a long weekend? Sounds like your family are old enough to cope. Make some plans.

[saggytummy]

Book yourself a residential course that's what I do. They aren't always expensive, someone else does the cooking, you have your own room where you can hide away and a toilet where someone doesn't wee on the seat or leave it up. Your dog can't go I know but send them for a holiday too at a dog minders!

[Amicus1966]

I seem to spend all my time trying to avoid mine
Don't know how to enjoy family life anymore.

[jetSTAR]

Yep, I feel like that too. I envy DH when he has to go away with work.

[ormirian]

Thank you! And thanks for not telling me to get a grip!

I am working so can't take time off during the week. Ironically work is the one area that is going OK atm. I have considered taking a weekend off and just B&Bing it. Thing is DH (he has more or less earned the D back now ) would be fine with it but I'd feel bad leaving him behind. I feel like we have to polish up our relationship every chance we get - and this would be counterproductive. I want the sort of comfortable easy-going relationship we had before the kids where the connection was so strong it didn't matter if we were apart and did things seperately - not it's so self-conscious. Hey ho.

Not to mention we are stony broke.

[AnyFucker]

Go stay with a friend for the weekend

Leave 'em all to it

If going away for a couple of days would be "counterproductive" to your relationship, then perhaps you are in not such a good recovery phase as you thought

your H should be encouraging you to take time out for yourself

why would he not do that, and why would you be wary of doing that ?

[ormirian]

Hi AF. He would encourage me to do it. He always has encouraged me to do whatever I need to. But I would feel as if I was letting the side down. Infidelity creates a fault line and we (I?) haven't quite come to terms with it

[ormirian]

Oh, and I am the coper, the fixer and the maker OK of all things. That is my role and my duty in this life. How do you stop doing that?

[AnyFucker]

just stop

phone a friend and go for the weekend

this weekend, the weather is going to become quite spring like this week

doesn't that sound nice ?

[AnyFucker]

you "kept the side up" for years, remember

and look where that got you

go stay with a friend and recharge your batteries

[mrsjay]

I did this a few weeks ago buggered off to my friends for a few days god it was great i have a small house a moany dh and 2 dds who are hard work sometimes one is a grown up doing fine working college blah blah but she is intense dd2 is heading towards her exams she has friend drama and just exhausting, I just thought bugger this and went it was great just thinking about me for a few days, OP go recharge they wll all be there when you get back don't feel bad about it either

[Finola1step]

Agree with AF. Do it. This weekend. If you work mon - fri, go Friday night, come back late Sunday just enough time to get your own stuff ready for the next day. And please do not leave copious instructions and "to do" lists. Just go, before you crack.

[mrsjay]

And please do not leave copious instructions and "to do" lists. Just go, before you crack.

that oh and text to say you have arrived safely

[AnyFucker]

and don't pre cook a load of meals before you go and leave them in the freezer

don't wash/iron the uniforms and have a massive clean up

[AnyFucker]

Orm, if you don't do something, then nothing changes, right ?

you will still be miserable and stressed this time next week, still micro managing everyone, and they will still be oblivious to it

[mrsjay]

ORM what do you think will happen if you go away for a weekend I doubt they would fall apart, the first time I did it a few years back the dds acted like I was abandoning them, they got very dramatic about it they were fine with their dad , you need a break take one

[AnandaTimeIn]

I don't think it ever ends... They grow up but then have partners, babies.... It multiplies I think

This is so true. Thing is to find something for you yourself like meditation even if it's just a good excuse to lock the door and read a book

Taking time out is really important. Recharge the batteries and all that....

A week/end away is always good too most people daren't go away on their own tho it is empowering! Just do it! I'm a pro

[mrsjay]

even when i was sitting on the train peace seemed to descend on me it was amazing

[nerofiend]

I love my family but I'm constantly dreaming of solitude these days. A small flat, books, music, drawing and pairing, taking a literature course...