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how can i help DD

(8 Posts)
sadonherbehalf Mon 03-Mar-14 15:29:35

DD's DH left her a week ago after 7 years together. he had been working away, and it happened then. She threw him out, as she always has believed that once trust is lost, there is no going back. She is distraught, cant eat/drink/sleep, they had just bought their first house together. We have all cried together with her, but to all of you who have been in this terrible situation, what helped you get through these early days/weeks, how can we best help her? . She is taking a lot of her hurt on me, which I understand, (tho we usually get on well). She has good friends who are looking after her, and whom she is temporarily staying with. We live about 4 hours away, so cant be popping in and out, and she says she needs to carry on with work etc, as has important exams coming up. Any advice would be helpful, we know we cant take the hurt away, but we desperately need to feel useful

VerucaInTheNutRoom Mon 03-Mar-14 15:33:24

I think all you can do is listen and be there when she needs you. This is something that she will have to work through by herself on an emotional level and you could be her sounding board but refrain from saying things like 'I never liked him' (even if true) because that will make her feel worse. Could you invite her to come and stay for a weekend? A change if scenery, home comforts and some hugs from mum might help.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Mar-14 15:36:31

Definitely listen but really don't accept having any hurt taken out on you. That's not at all part of the bargain. I'm glad she's got some good friends. She'll need plenty to keep her busy until the worst of the shock is over.

sadonherbehalf Mon 03-Mar-14 15:42:06

what I omitted to say was he had an affair whilst he was working away, and that is why they split

hellsbellsmelons Mon 03-Mar-14 15:50:28

For me it was my friends that helped me out a lot.
My family too.
But my friends didn't let me stew. I went out at weekends etc...
It helped to keep working and keep to my daily routine.
But at night I would just sit huddled in a corner sobbing and sobbing.
It's how I coped with it anyway.
It takes time. It really does.
The sobbing sessions become shorter, then fewer and fewer and then one day you find you are finally getting there.
Just do what you can. As you aren't very close maybe call her in the evening. Check she is OK. See if there's anything you can do.
If she needs help getting his stuff out etc....
She just needs to know you are there as and when she is ready.
It's horrible but she will get through it.
Did they have DC?
If not, that will make it much easier to go no contact with him which helps with the healing as well.

Logg1e Mon 03-Mar-14 16:26:22

Just listen. But I see absolutely no need why you should tolerate her taking it out on you.

All I needed was a shoulder to cry (sob and snot) on. I'd be disgusted with myself if I'd thought I'd taken out my hurt on a loved one.

Melonbreath Tue 04-Mar-14 06:52:05

Tell her she did the right thing. You're sorry it happened but proud of her. Many women just stay miserably for years.
Then I think perhaps just let her work it out and encourage weekends away and stuff

fieldfare Tue 04-Mar-14 06:58:45

Be honest with her. Tell her you love her unconditionally, are there for her whenever she needs you, your door is always open and that you're proud of her for being so strong.
That's what my mum did for me and I love her even more because of it.

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