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Do you socialise with EXH and his new GF?

(14 Posts)
redundantandbitter Mon 03-Mar-14 14:57:42

Some of you might remember twat face bead boy who dumped me unceremoniously in sept '13 after 4 yrs together because he'd met a 'lovely warm' yoga teacher whilst on a camping trip (FFS).

Last night I stupidly looked at a twitter photo of an annual event near where we live. It clearly shows him and his new GF talking to his EXW!

Back story - please don't flame me- is we were in a stupid ridiculous affair that I bitterly regret. His w kicked him out and he lives near her (weboth have 2 Dc's each). My ex moved out, married a work colleague within 5 mins.

Understandably EXW hounded me with texts, calls emails etc. shes strong and likes creating drama. since he fucked off I have read about narcissists and he ticks all the boxes. He loves drama and idealising, fixing people and being the knight in shining armour.

Would you as his EXW - after the shitty things he said and did to her - and then knowing he has dumped me, stand and chat at a social event?

I know, I'm out of it. I'm NC. It's a relief. But Jesus I miss him. Seeing them stood together just looked so strange.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Mar-14 15:03:24

Walk away from Facebook. What he does or doesn't do is entirely his own business now.

redundantandbitter Mon 03-Mar-14 15:10:57

Not FB. I don't go on it. This was a local event on twitter that I randomly clicked on- just didn't expect to see them all standing there. As if its normal.

I know , it's not my problem. Just wondered why anyone would ? Bearing in mind EXW dictated which events we were/weren't allowed to attend . She had first choice. So now it feels like she's happy to be in the presence of yoga lady . Therefore I was the issue. All my fault. And nothing to do with the fact he's a total cold hearted selfish bastard.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Mar-14 15:18:50

Yoga lady usurped you and you displaced ExW so yes, 'my enemy's enemy is my friend' is the phrase that pays if it helps you to rationalise things. Really... not your problem any more.

redundantandbitter Mon 03-Mar-14 17:10:52

I guess so. I just looked at these 2 sensible professional 40 something women and thought don't they think that maybe he is the common denomination in the situation? If it was me would i be thinking .. Hang on, he shat on wife, shat on R&B, so therefore its very likely he'll shit on me.

And why would any ex want to be a part of it. I am well out of it, relieved that he isn't in touch frankly .

Wish i hadn't seen the photo but I guess it tells me they are all still in the drama of it all. Nothing's changed

Are they any normal nice 40 something blokes out there - ones that don't need to 'shake things up' with a bit of drama? It's such a shame.

struggling100 Mon 03-Mar-14 17:20:10

When you were having the affair, she was presumably still in love with him, and thus very hurt by your actions and probably hated you (and him) from the very depth of her soul for a while. Now she's had time to grieve and move on from her attachment to him, hence the difference in attitude to the new woman in his life.

If I've understood you correctly, they have DC together - so it may be a pragmatic choice on her part to get along for their sake.

struggling100 Mon 03-Mar-14 17:21:29

And to answer your question, yes I do have occasional social contact with my ex, and my husband's ex-girlfriend is a close friend of mine (I didn't know her before I met him).

Cabrinha Mon 03-Mar-14 17:25:45

But if you're yoga woman it's easy to rationalise it: he was in a dead marriage, you were the exit affair, it was wrong but it got him out and if course it would never have worked.
Bingo: justified.

I do understand it would come as a shock, but I completely understand why his XE wouldn't want to be near the OW, but could accept subsequent woman.

(a) she's moved on and
(b) yoga woman did nothing to her

Her XH was in the wrong cheating on her, but narcissist or not, she's going to blame you too.

You have NO idea what went on for that photo. You may not see accidental meeting and awkward gritted teeth and the photo of XW raging in the loo after.

But nor should you care - you know it, you have to move on.

Cabrinha Mon 03-Mar-14 17:27:02

Tbh, it sounds like you're still in the drama of it too.

redundantandbitter Mon 03-Mar-14 17:41:52

Exit affair? Hmm well it was 18 months in... And over 2 yrs out of marriage.. Went on holiday, met each others kids, spent Xmas together.., who knows?

Yeah I appreciate it must sound like (and I feel
Like) I am back in the drama but I really really have stepped away. Been completely NC - just one message in November. Sincerely out of it. I was just confused by the photo. It's just set me back , temporarily.

I don't think the meeting was an accident. EXW would have to him that she intended to go. Maybe she went because he was going .

Anyway. I know it's 50% my fault too. But EXW definitely hadn't 'moved on' the last I heard. He really fucked her around. She's no fool.

Right. Move on. Ignore. Ignore. Thanks all

Cabrinha Mon 03-Mar-14 18:22:12

I don't mean that you WERE his exit affair - who knows? I mean that he could spin it like that to her, or even her to herself.

redundantandbitter Mon 03-Mar-14 22:10:21

I've blipped ... But a friend has put me back on track...

Who knows what's been said about me but it sure as hell won't be "Oooh you're nice and I fancy you , how spiritual you are. hang on til I get back from camping trip, let me just see R&B and I'll decide between the two". 2 weeks later she 'wins' and I get told I'm 'insular' .

Gut feeling tells me he's told EXW he's dumped me because she'd told the kids about me and him being together before he moved out. He hated that and she admitted she did it out of spite. He felt uncomfortable with me and his kids - he always needs to feel like a 'good guy'.

He told me his kids liked yoga lady . Gee thanks .

I just have to keep repeating HE'S A KNOB. But lord, I loved him. Still do .

waltermittymissus Mon 03-Mar-14 22:20:36

Look you had an affair with a married man.

Yoga lady was after you? Or started while he was with you?

Either way, you were his mistress so his ex probably has no issue with yoga lady. Why would she? This woman didn't knowingly fuck a married man!

Sorry. I know that's harsh but those are the facts. You really shouldn't care.

MistressDeeCee Wed 05-Mar-14 18:23:14

redundantandbitter reading through the posts it doesn't quite sound as if you were the OW/exit affair to me. Your narc dramatist of an ex has probably painted you like that, however.

Yes, you've had a blip. You're only human and its unfortunate we can't necessarily switch feelings on & off like a tap. Sounds like you've got some good RL friends to bring you back to reality. If you can, do some new things, occupy your time a bit more time your feelings for this man will fade and if/when you think of him you'll remember all the bad bits. Keep up with the completely NC - its the best thing. Even if he ever tries to get back in touch. Had my share of a couple of narc dramatists in the past and they normally do eventually, as they can't stand the thought that a woman theyve been in a relationship with doesn't think of them as her eternal king. Slowly but surely, you'll get there

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