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I have to leave him after he was like this with DD, don't I?

(107 Posts)
randomperson26 Mon 03-Mar-14 13:17:53

I've been with my DP for just under a year, we don't live together. I have a DD aged 4. DD's father hasn't been involved since she was a baby. He was extremely violent and getting away from him was difficult but in the end I did it. it's just been me and DD up until I met DP a year ago. he has no DC. we are late 20s.

Weekend was our first trip away together. We've been out all together before for meals and stuff like that but this was our first night away. we had plans to go to the seaside and stay in a hotel, etc. Mostly child friendly things for DD.
DD was pretty confused about being away from home as it was her first night away and she kept on crying to get in my bed. DP was furious about this and stomped off to sleep on the sofa bed, while swearing. I found this strange but put it down to tiredness.

Next day, we planned to go to the seaside as DD was looking forward to it. During the car journey, DD was crying to get out of the carseat and I was calmly talking to her, trying to distract her. which was working. DP turned round and absolutely roared at her to stop it now and said to me he would have got a slap if he'd carried on this way and that I should smack her.
I was so shocked and felt a little scared. I'd never, ever heard him get so angry before as he's usually calm and placid. he's always been good with DD. he's never raised his voice with her before.

I was really shocked at this point and tried to change the topic to the seaside as we were on the way there. He decided we were no longer going and he drove us straight home. I said that was disappointing for DD and he didn't seem to care.

Sorry if it was long and I know now I can't stay with this man because it feels what happened has ruined my trust in him.
My DD was terrified and after he raged at her, it took me hours to get her back to her normal, happy self.

Thank you for reading and my question is am I overreacting to leave him over this? I know deep down what my answer is but I'm just so confused and in shock as I'd never seen such a nasty side to him before.

Corabell Mon 03-Mar-14 13:20:18

Yes, leave - put your daughter first.

Fairylea Mon 03-Mar-14 13:21:06

You're not overreacting. He sounds absolutely vile sad your poor dd sad

Get rid and take her to the seaside on your own.

He is horrendous.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Mon 03-Mar-14 13:22:19

You've answered your own question. But good thing you found out now. You are worth more.

Paintingrainbowskies Mon 03-Mar-14 13:22:28

I think it sounds like the trust is broken.

You could try and talk it through with him but to be honest it sounds like your mind is set and I think you should trust your gut feeling.

SecretWitch Mon 03-Mar-14 13:23:23

Honey, your instincts are correct. Protect yourself and your lovely little daughter from this man. A wise old saying on MN goes 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them.'

You seem like a fabulous person and very caring mum. You and your child deserve an equally fabulous man in your lives.

pregnantpause Mon 03-Mar-14 13:24:33

Yes leave him. Your daughter comes first, and his behaviour is an indicator of his thoughts and things to comesad not just toward her, but toward you too . When someone shows you who they are- listen.

Guitargirl Mon 03-Mar-14 13:24:39

Yes, please leave him and put your daughter first. You know this anyway but that is no way to treat a child and it would only get worse if you stayed with him. Leave and don't let him put your daughter through that.

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 03-Mar-14 13:24:47

Drop him like the hot potato he is

Your dd comes first, and it sounds like the time away from home showed his true colours

You have been warned

chickensaresafehere Mon 03-Mar-14 13:25:04

End it - without a shadow of a doubt .
This was just a tiny example of this mans personality.Things will not improve.Your daughter is more important than this.

Erroroccurred Mon 03-Mar-14 13:25:10

Yes leave, now no chances. And bloody well done because you have recognised that this man is not an acceptable parental figure never mind a good one.

JammyPodger Mon 03-Mar-14 13:25:36

Never ever let this man back into yours and DD's life. It was typical child behaviour and he couldn't deal with it. Your poor DD would be a nervous wreck if he ever lived with you.

Glad you know what you have to do.

Logg1e Mon 03-Mar-14 13:25:44

I agree, you sound a great mum who has very quickly identified the warning signs for what they are, and even more importantly, acted on them.

I know it will be hard, but you're right to put your daughter's physical and emotional well being first.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Mon 03-Mar-14 13:25:53

Trust your instincts.

Your dd is only four, she doesn't deserve to live the rest of her childhood with a man who scares her and denies her, and you, a treat you deserve because you don't meet his standards of behaviour.

Taking people out of their normal environment often shows you their true nature if up until then, they have hidden it. End this as soon as you can. I know it will be hard, but not nearly as hard as it will be if you let the relationship develop further.

emmorg Mon 03-Mar-14 13:26:28

Yes I would leave unless you can stick your daughter being treated like this for the rest of her life! Get out now before it's too late. X

Jan45 Mon 03-Mar-14 13:26:28

How frigging dare he, get rid, he sounds like a complete arsehole.

chateauferret Mon 03-Mar-14 13:27:02

What an utter twat. I'd have left him at the roadside and driven off.

Flicktheswitch Mon 03-Mar-14 13:27:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoinTheDots Mon 03-Mar-14 13:28:05

End the relationship. Imagine you don't and things progress, and he lives with you. You and he clearly do not have the same parenting styles (his are terrible) and you and your daughter would both suffer in the short and long term.

I am sorry, it is a shame the relationship has not worked out, but you and your DD are worth so, so, so much more than he is offering.

He is only a short step from your last partner and I am sure you have no intention of going back to that.

Cigarettesandsmirnoff Mon 03-Mar-14 13:28:52

Wow what a fucking prick!

Run for the hills with your dd. He will only get worse. Assault waiting to happen.

Papaluigi Mon 03-Mar-14 13:29:05

Go. Walk out the door. Don't turn around now. Be prepared for loads of apologetic grovelling and promises of change, but remember how scary and shit he was at the weekend and get it done.

There's blokes out there who will treat you and the little one with love and care, this is not one of them.

Pigsmummy Mon 03-Mar-14 13:30:15

Onwards and upwards, don't look back.

besshope Mon 03-Mar-14 13:32:34

Yes absolutely leave him. You're only young and it's so important to show your dd a good role model which is a kind man. They are out there. He isn't one of them, sorry sad

randomperson26 Mon 03-Mar-14 13:33:24

Thank you all so much for your quick responses.
I've not seen him since and I told him straight that his actions were terrible and I don't want someone like that around my daughter.

My DD's dad was violent to me for years and the only time I left him was when he pushed me while holding DD. I left him and never looked back and I never heard from him again.

I always, always put my DD first and I can't believe I thought this man was a keeper.

there's no way I'll go back to him now after scaring my little girl. I was heartbroken for her.

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 03-Mar-14 13:34:31

don't beat yourself up

you took it slowly and he is the one that stepped out of line

well done on your strong stance

if he contacts you, tell him it is over and tell him exactly why

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