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Feel like my kids have been invited just to makee up numbers. complicated.

(18 Posts)
ThePowerOfNo Mon 03-Mar-14 10:58:56

Bit of a back story: basically this colleague of mine is leaving her job soon and everyone was invited to her 'do' except me. Fine. We have a complicated history, and perhaps she now dislikes me so much she asked the person organising to leave me out. That I would understand, and she's well within her rights, etc.

I only found out weeks after the event, at any rate, when she emailed everyone including me, to say thanks. I responded saying 'oh, sorry i didn't even know this had happened' & she sort of apologised saying she'd assumed everyone had been invited; we must meet up for coffee without the dcs etc... She also said she hoped I'd still bring my dcs to her dc's party. Basically this was something I'd RSVPd to before I found out out 'do-gate', so I'd sort of committed myself & the kids.

Of course now I really don't feel like going, and my gut instinct tells me not to bother, that this is just about me having lots of kids and making up numbers; they don't even know her kid that well, I think they've maybe met each other twice. And as for coffee, well, why would either of us want to bother?

To make things even more complicated, and give a bit more back story, I used to have a bit of a crush on her (I'm bi), although that's pretty much dissipated now, but it was a small contributing factor in the recent breakdown of my relationship with dp. She knew about it, and sort of exploited it; making arrangements to meet me then not turning up, that sort of thing. Since then things have been awkward, to say the least. She doesn't know about my relationship ending. Don't know how relevant that last bit is, but thought I'd throw it in anyway.

Viviennemary Mon 03-Mar-14 11:03:07

That was mean of her not inviting you. And I wouldn't believe it was an error. I don't think I'd bother with her in future. Especially as that's your gut instinct anyway.

ThePowerOfNo Mon 03-Mar-14 11:05:10

Thanks Vivienne, I think I just needed to hear that from someone else!

Only1scoop Mon 03-Mar-14 11:08:53

Puts you in an awkward position re dc party. If they know they are going and excited then fair enough but I wouldn't be meeting for coffee n cakes!

tawse57 Mon 03-Mar-14 11:11:12

She is playing with you and she is mean to you. Perhaps she is genuine but perhaps she is now planning some new way to hurt or humiliate you along with your children?

She is not worth it. Rise above. Go and get on with your life and find friends who are genuine and who love you for who you are.

If you are bi or just bi-curious perhaps it is time for you to deal with those issues and find a partner - be it a female partner or a man who is happy with a partner who is bi.

Rise above this woman and be happy.

Lweji Mon 03-Mar-14 11:11:34

You can change your mind about the children's party. People do that all the time for different reasons.

CocktailQueen Mon 03-Mar-14 11:15:17

Nah, she sounds unpleasant. Don't bother with her. Tell her your dc now can't attend her party.

FriendlyLadybird Mon 03-Mar-14 11:49:10

Unless your children desperately want to go and you can't think of an alternative thing for them to do, don't bother. She doesn't sound very nice.

eddielizzard Mon 03-Mar-14 11:59:39

ooh gosh don't go!!!

she sounds horrible! not a mistake to not invite you. make up some excuse asap to not go to party and don't meet for coffee. just let it all fade away.

ThePowerOfNo Mon 03-Mar-14 12:24:15

Thanks all. it's heartening to hear so many peole say she sounds unpleasant as she's very clever about it & most people think the sun shines from her arse.

ok, we won't go. that's settled. i deliberately didn't tell the kids about it anyway - perhaps on some level i knew she'd do something like this. that makes things a bit simpler.

yes, i'm glad i'm now in a place to find a man or woman who treats me well; in many ways she and my ex dp are like the same person - perhaps i've been attracted to that 'type' for a reason & now i'm finally in a position to move on...

FabBakerGirl Mon 03-Mar-14 12:29:36

Definitely don't go. You don't like her. That is enough. She has been cruel to you. Why would you even give her the time of day? And definitely don't go just for the kids, they will always have disappointments in life when plans change and this isn't a life long friend they actually care about, it is kids they hardly know. And turns out they didn't even know about the party so it is a non event anyway.

Matildathecat Mon 03-Mar-14 12:34:27

Definitely don't go. She's playing with you. There's no need for you to see her again once she's left work.

You sound as if you are still somehow in her power. Walk away. Polite message that you cannot attend either event, wish her well and then no further contact.

ThePowerOfNo Mon 03-Mar-14 13:02:36

matilda you might be on to something there... perhaps it's just nild curiosity on my part. perhaps i just never learned to value myself enough to make a clean break from toxic people. but where my kids are concerned it's somehow much easier to draw the line. no way is she going to use or embarass them!

MerryWinterfel Mon 03-Mar-14 14:07:53

Go to the zoo or the cinema instead, have a better day, give your children a nice gift and some cake smile

RedFocus Mon 03-Mar-14 14:14:55

I wouldn't bother op. She's not worth the hassle. Time to drop her completely I think.

lougle Mon 03-Mar-14 14:15:38

Who was doing the inviting to the 'do'? Was it your about-to-leave colleague or someone else?

I'm not sure your about-to-leave colleague can be blamed for not inviting you to something if she wasn't involved in the inviting and emailed you thinking you'd been invited?

BarbarianMum Mon 03-Mar-14 14:33:09

I generally look for the best in people in these sort of posts but she sounds manipulative and best avoided. If you don't go then the worst that can happen is the two of you don't become friends. Given your history not such a bad outcome.

Nomama Wed 05-Mar-14 12:59:55

Not entirely serious.....

If she has used your sexuality to make you feel uncomfortable you only have to give her a quick snog hello, or goodbye to get it out of your system.

SIL used to regale me with stories of women who had teased her when they knew she fancied them but wasn't sure enough to openly approach them. One day she was so angry with one she just kissed her goodbye and left the woman standing there. SIL never made mention of it afterwards but was amused by the obvious uncertainty on the other woman's face whenever they met.

Not nice, I do know that. But the thought of it might give you a smile when you most need it.

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