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Feel like a right idiot...how to survive awkward grappling hug?

(22 Posts)
Licketysplit123 Mon 03-Mar-14 09:30:37

This is a bit of a silly one, so apologies if you read this and groan and want to just call me a schoolgirl and tell me to be on my way...

I've started online dating after I separated from my husband last year. I've never done it before or even dated before really.

I messaged a man who I really liked the look of. Contact was sketchy at first as he works abroad a lot of the time but when he got back, the messaging got quite intense and we met up. The date was brilliant, we were out chatting until all hours. There was a bit of a shy hug/kiss at the end.

After the date, we continued to text and arranged to meet up again on Saturday afternoon.

Again, the actual date went really well. But when we left it was really awkward. He went to hug me, but to be honest, he's a bit strong and I nearly fell over. I went to kiss his cheek and missed. Oh god it sounds so cringey - it was! I was so embarrassed I just sort of scarpered off.

I didn't hear from him that evening which I know is not a deal breaker it was just out of keeping with how things had been going. The next morning, I text him, asking him now his evening had gone and said I'd felt a bit awkward the day before as we had sort of rugby tackled and then i had run off. I was lighthearted about it and said I was waaaaaaay out of practice and I promise not to run off next time.

He replied hours later saying he had noticed my quick exit but made a joke of it. We started chatting again but it wasn't flirty like it usually is. We were joking about something and the last message he sent was just a smiley.

No mention of another date.

I don't want to be neurotic and complicate things or waste my time. Does it sound like that's it?

LoonvanBoon Mon 03-Mar-14 09:44:29

The awkward hug / kiss incident was just one of those things. Sounds clumsy on both sides, but I don't think it would be enough in itself to ruin a budding relationship.

The point is it's way too early to know if it was going to turn into a relationship anyway, so I do think you're probably overthinking a bit. Certainly don't think there was any need for you to take responsibility for it by saying you're "out of practice".

You've texted, I think you need to leave it now. If he doesn't get back in touch, don't agonize over his possible reasons. You don't really know him yet, there's no point at all in trying to mind-read / work out his motives. Just move on.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 03-Mar-14 10:33:05

One of those moments you wish you had a rewind button, oh dear. These things happen. Just accept it probably wasn't meant to be and don't let it put you off dating.

Licketysplit123 Mon 03-Mar-14 10:41:46

So do you think that IS it then?

It seems such a shame as we had so much in common and got on really well. I really like him.

Part of me thinks, he ended the conversation last night, I should wait for him to get back in touch. Another part of me thinks that last week, there were a few co cassions when I ended the conversation and he text me again the next day, so maybe I should just send him a text later/tomorrow?

Arrrrrrgh! I hate games, I'd rather just know but not have to wait a week to figure it out

gamerchick Mon 03-Mar-14 10:45:15

personally if you must.. send one hello type text and then leave it.. don't dwell on it and if you don't hear back pretty quick then assume it's game over and move on. It's just not worth agonising over.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 03-Mar-14 10:46:04

It really doesn't sound that bad.

Would you like to suggest another date to him?

JeanSeberg Mon 03-Mar-14 10:51:06

You don't have to play games - if you would like to see him again, suggest a date. What's the worst thing that could happen - he doesn't respond or says "No, thanks". So? Then you move onto the next.

kentishgirl Tue 04-Mar-14 11:19:46

Suggest another meet up yourself. If he says yes, great. If he says no, it's not because of a funny wonky hug moment, he doesn't see you as such a good match as you do. It happens. You've only met him once. Shrug and move on.

BlackDaisies Tue 04-Mar-14 23:19:08

Something doesn't sound right. Him being a bit strong and you nearly fell over doesn't sound all that great. Intense texting before you actually meet can be a bit of a warning sign, and his texts changing from flirty and intense to non commital isn't a great sign (as in he might be someone who starts out all intense then runs a mile - there are quite a few like that out there)...... I'd chalk him up to experience personally.

Licketysplit123 Thu 06-Mar-14 09:16:38

Ok then, so we did end up texting for a cou

Licketysplit123 Thu 06-Mar-14 09:20:53

*oops

Another meet up was suggested but then he stopped texting again. My phone broke, so I emailed him a temporary phone number and nothing! Fine!

I'm starting to realise I am not ready for the dating game. But I have this niggling feeling that I've missed out on a good thing because of my nerves and inability to be flirty.

I know it's probably more than that, but I need to convince myself he was not as great as I thought he was.

He did seem to think he was more intelligent than most. Which he was to be fair, we had some great chats but he was quite good at bugging himself up. He did have a bit of a "nobody understands me" attitude. And did feel the need to explain his "offbeat" sense of humour once.

He's not that great is he?

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Thu 06-Mar-14 09:52:22

You shouldn't blame yourself. Sometimes things don't work out and it's not anyone's 'fault'. It's not that you are not flirty enough, or that he is up himself, or anything really.

Don't over analyse OD, it's wasted time and energy!

You don't really know him or what else might be happening in his life to have made him more distant. Or he may actually be back in touch, who knows? It doesn't sound like it's been that long since he suggested another meet up. Just don't take the whole thing too seriously.

LoonvanBoon Thu 06-Mar-14 09:57:21

Sorry it doesn't seem to have worked out, lickety. FWIW I think a "nobody understands me" attitude could get very tiresome very quickly! His loss.

JeanSeberg Thu 06-Mar-14 10:49:31

Good for you for texting him again. At least you know how things stand now and can move on.

Would you consider speed dating instead of OD?

Licketysplit123 Thu 06-Mar-14 11:33:52

Thanks, I just don't know how people do OD with such a positive attitude, I do envy that.

I absolutely know that I should just forget about it and move on, but I can't help little recollections flashing up in my head and I get the urge to slap my own forehead.

I think I would be terrible at speed dating! I'm quite a confident person usually but I know I'd just clam up in that situation. Maybe I should forget about the whole thing for now, but it was so nice to chat with someone in a fun way and have someone seem interested. I would just love to have that.

We had lots in common and talked and laughed a lot, but any real questions about myself I did just clam up. And then the running off. I think I've got more baggage then I thought and that upsets me.

This has turned into a bit of a ramble about me now, I'm sorry about that. But it feels nice to write it down.

thanks

JeanSeberg Thu 06-Mar-14 11:57:06

I agree that OD isn't for the faint-hearted which is why I've sworn off it for life.

Licketysplit123 Thu 06-Mar-14 12:02:44

Account has now been disabled until I am a little less faint of heart - which may be never!

scornedwoman67 Thu 06-Mar-14 12:04:45

oh lickety I was just like you a few years ago. After a while you get less stressed with it all & realise that a lot of people are not as nice or honest as you. Chalk it up to experience. Don't beat yourself up. Keep trying. Remember the thing about having to kiss a lot of frogs....pop back to the dating thread & have a giggle at our collective experiences.

Licketysplit123 Thu 06-Mar-14 12:20:56

Thanks scorned! I will, I wanted to get advice from you wise women over there too, but the thread moves so quickly and I didn't want to just butt in.

Maybe I need to spend more time reading that before I crash head first into another date anyway!

JeanSeberg Thu 06-Mar-14 12:39:29

Actually scrub that about faint-hearted, it implies that we are both 'weak' in some way.

I think the most resilient of personalities struggle with OD and personally I don't need that kind of bullshit in my life so it's not for me.

Licketysplit123 Thu 06-Mar-14 13:41:14

Oh hells bells!! Just to confuse matters even more, I've just had an email from him...

He said he hadn't checked that email account of his for a couple of days so hadn't got the email with my new number on. He said he had wondered what had happened to me when I didn't text. Said he thought when I had gone off on my bike-ride I must have enjoyed it so much I decided not to come back.

But that was it, no questions, no chat?

Tell me what to do!! Is he just replying out of politeness?

JeanSeberg Thu 06-Mar-14 13:43:43

Well that's good isn't it?

Just send a light-hearted reply back - make a joke about the bike ride - and end it with a "Anyway, enough about me, how are things with you?"

See what happens next.

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