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This wont ever change!:(

(17 Posts)
Erin2014 Mon 03-Mar-14 03:04:03

This morning my partner went to his youngest sons birthday party.
At 2pm 1.5 hours after the party ended he text to say he's gone back to his sons house to open his presents saying he'l be back soon. To which i replied "ok chick"
He then turns up at 11.45 p***ed out of his face! Hes not replied to my few texts all day! if he had said he was staying later than planned id have been ok with it, its just his utter disregaurd for me ,and his getting pissed with his ex cos they have a laugh when they are drunk apparently! Anyway he came in made a mess in the kitchen, i asked him if he'd had a good time( only so as not to cause an arguement, he said yes weve had a briliant time! I must stress his eldest son who lives with us was there with him today. Then he climbed onto our bed and is sprawlled across it as i type snoring his head off!! They do it regularly he's "seeing his son" no need to get pissed with his ex though is there? I believe he is faithful to me by the way, i just wouldnt get drunk with my ex or stay overnight at his house like my partner has regardless of the fact that he sleeps in with his son or not. I wouldnt do that to my partner out of respect for him. Or should i just chill out? I am a bit insecure in nature, and wonder if i wasnt would it be more ok than it is for me? I do love and trust him its not him sleeping with her that worries me its the intimacy of the laughter and sharing jokes and tunes they like that upsets me.I just really want to know if anyone else would be unhappy with it?

bragmatic Mon 03-Mar-14 05:10:07

Yes, I would be. And I think that they probably have sex occasionally.

catinbootz Mon 03-Mar-14 05:37:23

Why does the oldest son live with you and not with his mum and younger brother?

Gettingmeback Mon 03-Mar-14 05:43:26

I would be upset about it. But my DH wouldn't do it because he isn't 'friends' with his ex in that way, they are very civil though. He also wouldn't do it because he would think it would cause issues between him and I and he wouldn't want that. Although you might have insecurities generally, his lack of contact with you when he's there, and disregard for your feelings, feeds into these. Sounds like since the split, they've re-found each other. Must be confusing for the DCs. Why did they split? How long have you been with him? Do you think he feels any responsibility to yours and his relationship?

EirikurNoromaour Mon 03-Mar-14 06:55:17

It's unacceptable.
Firstly the fact that he spent all day and evening with her without telling you.
Secondly to get raging drunk with her, it's a weird thing to do with an ex, and suggests poor boundaries.

antimatter Mon 03-Mar-14 07:01:22

did he come back home drunk with his elder son?

Erin2014 Mon 03-Mar-14 07:10:38

Hi catinbootz his eldests son has a different mum to his youngest son. His eldest son's mum died last year so he lives with us and my two daughters.
getting me back your comment about them re-finding eachother concerns me, they didnt get on towards the end there were problems with drink apparently she told me that all they had in common was beer and sex! :/ yowzers too much info the cow lol. He said that was s* but then he would when things were bad between them. But they both like a drink always the last two standing at the bar apparrently. Theres so much more to our relationship we dont drink often we go fell walking, read and enjoy ghll scrambling, we share a passion for learning and are quite healthy. We do let our hair down though. They arent good for eachother though when thry were tigether it was drinking that ruined their relationship from what ive been told. Weve been together 4 years now theyve been the best of my life weve had ups and downs but we've overcome everything thats been challenging and the good times are amazing. smile I'm the one that is the most dedicated to what we have i know that but he wouldnt be anywhere he didnt want to be thats for sure. My only other previous serious relationship was my 15 year marriage we didnt have to deal with exes we were eachothers first's I junderstand that it's better important even for them to get on for the sake of the kids, but texting jokes? And drinking together etc shes still invited round to his families house at xmas! We have dinner at our own house! It's been 4 years now since we got together and im confident about our future i just wish i could be more acepting of their friendship.

Thattimeofyearagain Mon 03-Mar-14 07:44:36

Id be fucking furious, tbh.

Erin2014 Mon 03-Mar-14 07:57:51

I asked him this morning why he didnt text to say he'd be late i told him i can't understand why he wouldnt deem me worthy of a reply. He said oh cos ive really hurt you havent i? Og f off i'l do whatvi want! Was the still fairly drunken response! He would'nt normally react like that unless he has no defence and knows he's wrong. When he's sober and ive slept better we'l talk but not yet

FreakinAllAboutSugar Mon 03-Mar-14 08:08:43

Let the drunken lout "f off" back to his ex,it sounds like they deserve each other.

Sorry to be so blunt, but he can only treat you poorly if you accept it. Is this the kind of behaviour you want your daughters to consider normal?

PublicEnemyNumeroUno Mon 03-Mar-14 08:35:34

Fucking hell, i would not be putting up with this shit. Life's too short

Gettingmeback Mon 03-Mar-14 08:44:39

He has a drinking problem, they both do. He's even acknowledged it has been a problem in the past. They only have a good time together when they're drinking. His abusive reply to you that he can do whatever he likes is a typical response of someone with an alcohol problem. Although he had been able to manage the drinking better being with you, it sounds to me like he's lost control of it again and is prioritising the drinking. It's probably not even about her, they're drinking buddies and it's mutually beneficial to drink with someone who doesn't judge or challenge the behaviour. I'd give him an ultimatum but I'm afraid I think the drink is winning and you need to decide how much crap you're willing to take. Don't let him make his problem yours much longer.

NotNewButNameChanged Mon 03-Mar-14 09:03:27

Totally unacceptable. Get shot of him. Seriously. And I rarely say that (only once on here, I believe).

mummytime Mon 03-Mar-14 09:06:04

Al anon? For you.

And I would be planning my exit strategy.

He has a drink problem, which he hasn't acknowledged yet. It is triggered by his ex, and like any addict he should be avoiding her as much as possible. But as he hasn't acknowledged his problem he has no defence to it.

YANBU - don't let him tell you otherwise.

pregnantpause Mon 03-Mar-14 09:13:53

No it won't ever change. sad when drunk and with his ex he didn't respect you enough to text you, the next day he doesn't respect you enough to apologise. I am a drinker and have on some occasions gone too far and been disrespectful to my partnersad (and others), but I was sorry for it, apologised and have ensured it doesn't happen again. It upsets me that I have caused my partner worry and hurt his feelings- he has hurt you, he has hurt your feelings, and precious things they are toosad from what he's said as far as he's concerned he hasn't hit you or anything so you should be gratefulangry

SeptemberFlowers Mon 03-Mar-14 09:42:15

Drinking problem = out the door. I wouldn't want that influence on my child.

I like a drink, but I don't get legless anymore. I find that really bizarre as a thing to do once your past 25 hmm

Erin2014 Mon 03-Mar-14 20:21:11

Thanks so much for the honesty and supportive comments and advice on this one. I'l keep you all posted. X

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