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Excluded by a Mum Clique: Survival guide

(294 Posts)
mummymummymillionmillion Mon 03-Mar-14 01:38:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dirtybanana Mon 03-Mar-14 03:37:02

Why are "Wendys" so common on the school-run?

Yes OP, avoidance and ignoring are the best things to do...but what happens when your Wendy becomes the leading light of the PTA, and your DC want to go to the events, and you can't bring yourself to go and buy tickets from her or worse still she then gets a job at your DC's school, and becomes "best pal" with their teachers.

Lweji Mon 03-Mar-14 07:33:35

Good god, battles?

I try to be nice to people. If they like me, fine. If they don't, they don't.

There are always mums who are not part of the clique (if there really is one - sometimes they may just be old groups of friends and have no time for new). Try to make friends with the outsiders like you.

Children will have to learn the same. Unless invitations are handed out to all, bar your child. Still, it just means that the party child doesn't like your child. It's still fine. They don't all have to get along.

Also, get a life?

Lweji Mon 03-Mar-14 07:35:00

You do not have to be part of what you perceive to be a clique.

eddielizzard Mon 03-Mar-14 08:26:22

mummymummy - really good. it's so shocking when it happens and i still have to remind myself that not everyone is like that wendy. mine happened 3 years ago and i still face those mums every day although it's definitely a lot better.

i still can't really believe that there are people like this!

georgesdino Mon 03-Mar-14 08:29:48

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. You are getting this worked up over people you hardly know at a school gate?

DrankSangriaInThePark Mon 03-Mar-14 08:31:10

Er, try to remember that before you became a "mummy" <reaches for bucket> you were a human being with a brain?

And find some friends who share your interests?

Just because a small person came shooting out of your vagina as well doesn't mean I will necessarily have anything more in common with you other than that slight biological event.

DrankSangriaInThePark Mon 03-Mar-14 08:31:22

Is this for a blog?

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 03-Mar-14 08:32:29

Are you writing for take a break or summat ?

Only1scoop Mon 03-Mar-14 08:34:28

No surely's not amusing enough....

Blimey if all this pettiness effects you so much I hope your dc don't see that it does.

VerucaInTheNutRoom Mon 03-Mar-14 08:36:20

My god, all that effort sounds exhausting. To be honest, if you are giving the situation that much thought and energy then you're not really over it.

meddie Mon 03-Mar-14 08:45:17

Dont understand all this school gate drama tbh. Just used to rock up, pick the kids up and go. Say hello to the odd mum. Too much teen drama from grown women for my liking

TheCrackFox Mon 03-Mar-14 08:47:30

I really have no idea what you are talking about.

In the school playground I just see groups of friends chatting.

JohnGilpinsWife Mon 03-Mar-14 08:48:57

Fuck me, is this for real?

Fifyfomum Mon 03-Mar-14 08:51:27

Honestly, does it matter?

If this is how tough it is to have friendships these days I am glad I have next to no time for a social life.

Joysmum Mon 03-Mar-14 08:55:07

There certainly are cliques and this is an issue for some. To those who lack confidence it'll be a good read.

Me personally, I was never part of that. I made small talk in the playground but didn't have time for close friendships and coffee morning etc so always felt happy chatting to whoever I was stood nearest to. I think much of that was because I didn't gossip and didn't think to find problems.

TheCrackFox Mon 03-Mar-14 08:55:28

I must stand in the school playground for all of 2 minutes everyday so I cannot for the life of me understand where all this angst comes from.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 03-Mar-14 09:02:40 dd1 starts reception in September...if the school is anything g like this I'm home schooling. Fuck that rubbish. Mind you, I have my own friends and a part time job so really why would u be giving it all so much thought??!

Does this really go on?

Minnieisthedevilmouse Mon 03-Mar-14 09:03:38

Are you, like, in your teens op? This started off a potentially good idea but went rather south with the teen style angst.

I get it. Bullying happens at school or work. So I suppose people don't expect it in other avenues of life. Couple of things though op....

You are making it appear that this behaviour is normal. It isn't.

You also make this victim led. Bullying is about power yes but this reads quite "woe is weak little me"

It distinctly sounds like there's unresolved angst from childhood here!

And I find it hard to believe your claim that some never experience it when kids.

flowery Mon 03-Mar-14 09:06:34

It only goes on if you choose to get involved in it mammadiggingdeep

I turn up 30 seconds before DS is due out, collect him, then go, saying hi along the way to anyone I vaguely know. I don't have time to stand around gossiping anyway, and wouldn't want to.

As a result I haven't been aware of anything remotely resembling the OPs description since I was a teenager.

FabULouse Mon 03-Mar-14 09:11:13

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PublicEnemyNumeroUno Mon 03-Mar-14 09:11:52

I don't think most people need a guide on how to ignore people.

meddie Mon 03-Mar-14 09:13:46

But surely they only get this alleged power base if you choose to play along with their games or engage. Why would you even want to be part of this type of behaviour in the first place?

Angelik Mon 03-Mar-14 09:18:58

Why are some of you being mean/dismissive? The op has clearly been hurt by people she thought were her friends and that is an awful experience to endure. It can totally rob you of your confidence and has far reaching effects. Why can't you be sympathetic and understand that the op is trying to share with others who might be experiencing the same problem.

I am constantly disappointed on MN with how selfish and uncaring women are to other women.

OP - you seem like a nice person who is trying to be supportive to other women who are being bullied (your guide is applicable at the school gate or in the workplace). Please take your own advice and ignore the negative comments here.

I am ready to be hung out to dry here by some of you now but I will be ignoring it.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 03-Mar-14 09:24:34

Flowery...that's exactly what I thought it would be like...I don't have the energy or time to give it more!! Good to hear your experience is positive!

I think I'd be totally bemused if people I chatted with at school started blanking sounds so playground?! I'm sorry you've had such a hard time op, when it should just be so straight forward. The women you describe need to remember what they're there for...their children!!

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