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drinking and smoking once LO in bed to cope?

(14 Posts)
olympicsbaby Sun 02-Mar-14 22:21:11

Anyone else gone through a hard time/life stress etc and now using alcohol to get through the evenings? I split from my partner 6 months ago and in the day im busy with work or my LO but once he's in bed I crack open the wine and smoke cigs all night long.. how do i get out of this habit?

Jollyphonics Sun 02-Mar-14 22:51:29

It's hard to know what to say without knowing more details.
Smoking is obviously bad for you, but I presume you're an addicted smoker so that's a separate issue that you may (or may not) want to tackle at some point.
With the drinking it all depends on how much you're drinking and how much you need it. I don't see the problem with having a glass of wine in the evening, but if it's more than that then you have to bear in mind that you'd be over the limit for driving if your child became unwell. And obviously if it's a lot more than that and it's every night then you have a drink problem.
Of course the main issue is how you're feeling in general, whether you're depressed, whether you need some support, whether you need to see your GP, or talk to friends/family etc.
If you're otherwise happy but just bored, then I guess you need to look into developing a hobbie that you can do in the evenings on your own. But you sound quite down so I think you probably ought to speak to someone, preferably your GP, as you may need some help.

olympicsbaby Sun 02-Mar-14 23:03:29

thanks jolly... its every night and a whole bottle! partly broedom and partly because when im tipsy i feel "better"!

Balistapus Sun 02-Mar-14 23:19:07

I second Jolly's advice re GP or talking to someone.

I've done this sort of thing myself in the past, self medicating with booze and fags. As soon as I realise that's what I'm doing I wean myself off both. You need to tackle the cause - loneliness, boredom, depression, not use things to take your mund off things. When my babies asleep in the evening I knit! It's a much more healthy addiction!

LadyofSpain Mon 03-Mar-14 00:25:21

I witnessed this with a close family member when her husband walked. She too managed during the day, but starting drinking every night, initially to help her sleep.....she said. Unfortunately the couple of drinks she started out with soon became half a bottle, then a bottle. During this time, her drinking caused her DC`s a lot of stress and embarrassment, her work suffered and she lost a very good job. She had many offers of professional help, but didn`t take them up, so continued on a downward slope, losing the respect of her children, and many others, along the way. This went on for quite a few years, until one day she announced that she would never take another drink. I don`t know what caused this epiphany, but I never saw such determination. She has now been completely dry for years. Her children have children of their own, and they are all very proud of their mother/grandmother. It`s a slippery slope that most people are not strong enough to get off on their own. Ask for help now if you feel you need it, and good luck.

innisglas Mon 03-Mar-14 04:15:47

Unfortunately drink is a depressant, so though while you drink you feel better, but altogether it is bringing you down. I recommend you start supplementing with Vitamin B complex. If you think you are an alcoholic, there is Alcoholics Anonymous which has an excellent programme

Wrapdress Mon 03-Mar-14 04:34:16

I know so many women in their 40s-early 50s who depend on booze, prescription drugs, Ambien (sleep aid) - so, so many women. Not sure why. I don't have any of these dependencies and I am 50. But almost every woman I know around my age is using something. Not sure if it is stress related, hormone related, depression, mid-life crisis or starts with sleep issues or what.

I am a big fan of going cold turkey when giving up anything.

livingzuid Mon 03-Mar-14 07:07:13

There was a discussion recently about using e cigarettes so you could give those a go instead? I never tried them but was a heavy smoker so I understand the lure.

The drinking is probably more of the issue but the fact that you don't seem to want to live like that is positive smile my mum was the same when she split from my dad and she said she scared herself when she realised she was drunk but had two kids upstairs she couldn't really take care of if anything went wrong.

Definitely speak to your gp. And see if there is something else to do of an evening to distract yourself. It's easy to feel so low with everything that has happened to you but maybe do nice things for yourself like paint nails, have a long relaxing bath, etc. Sorry you are having a tough time.

justgirl Mon 03-Mar-14 08:43:29

I have no advise but I just wanted I say you're not alone, I went through a bad time this time last year and behaved in exactly the same manner (prior to this I was not a smoker, be a drinker) it was kind of a self destruct mode....I did come out of the other side x

justgirl Mon 03-Mar-14 08:43:51

*nor a drinker

mammadiggingdeep Mon 03-Mar-14 08:54:50

When I first split up with my ex, I started drinking more. I'd have a whole bottle of wine a couple of nights a week. I didn't like it (same as you or you wouldn't be posting) and I literally stopped buying the wine. Just stopped.

Do you think you could?

I now sit and drink tea and dunk biscuits...another problem but not so harmful...

hairypaws Mon 03-Mar-14 09:02:11

I think the fact that you are using them as a coping strategy suggests you could with a little help. Go to your gp and do not rule out medication. Tell them how you are truly feeling and take it from there.

BumPotato Mon 03-Mar-14 09:10:47

I fell into the habit of having wine straight after kids' bedtime. If think about it rather than mindlessly pouring wine, I'll have a couple of large pint glass of iced water instead or diluting juice, at least mon-thurs. I'm so waterlogged I don't fancy wine. It is just breaking the habit. Cigs are less appealing when you are sober too.

Pigsmummy Mon 03-Mar-14 12:02:47

It's the habit, I drink in the evenings, normally a glass of wine while cooking then when DD is in bed I relax with another glass or two. Sometimes the rest of the bottle sometimes i leave half. The only way to stop is distraction for me, once I get to babies bedtime if I have not had a drink I can normally get busy and avoid it, not always though, I only managed Monday and Tuesday without last week but did cut down rest of the week. Can you do something taxing as soon as the DC's go to bed or have a friend pop around around that time?

The other way is promising myself a drink later in the week, i.e. Thursday I will have a few drinks, then look forward to it. Like you I love that slightly tipsy feeling but often wake in the morning feeling like shit as I over did it.

You are doing ok if you are aware that this isn't healthy, in the short term it's a coping mechanism, be aware of how much you are drinking so that your body doesn't become dependant. Try the e-cigs idea too, your house will smell nice and there won't be any risk to your DC from smoke.

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