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Mixed messages?

(12 Posts)
Prforone Sun 02-Mar-14 20:13:06

Can't work blokes out!

Last weekend, at a moment's notice, my BF and I went away for the weekend. Had a fab time. The only downer for me was that he said over dinner that he isn't always sure of my feelings towards him., ie, I don't tell him I love him often enough (ironic as he hardly ever says it to me!). But we had a sensible conversation about it and I explained that I didn't want him feeling smothered by my affection (he had a messy break-up from his previous partner which left him pretty untrusting of women).

This past week has been fairly shit for a variety of reasons (none BF-related) and he's been very supportive. We went out last night and he stayed over. This morning I cuddled up to him in bed and said "I love you" and was greeted with absolute silence. TBH, it made me feel a bit shit. Even an "ah, that's nice" would have been better than nothing at all. Yes, I admit, I was kind of hoping for an "I love you too" in response. Is that so wrong?

A bit later on, I asked if he wanted to come round and have dinner with DD and I this evening. He said "No, I'll let you two get on with it" (which was fine). As he was leaving, he gave my daughter a hug and said "I'll see you later on". So I said "Oh, I didn't think you were?", to which he shot me a dirty look and then left.


CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 02-Mar-14 20:17:35

Nothing quite kills the passion like someone saying 'you don't tell me you love me enough... ' hmm. Needy but doesn't reciprocate affection, turns down dinner, shoots dirty looks... sounds like a PITA quite honestly.

Prforone Sun 02-Mar-14 20:32:25

Starting to sound that way to me too, Cogito.

Wouldn't mind but we've been together just over a year, have never had a major row, my DD has recently been introduced to his DS and they get along famously, and his parents treat my DD like another grandchild.

So everything else fits into place nicely. Why would he blow hot and cold like this?

deakymom Sun 02-Mar-14 23:32:08

my husband says this he tells me he loves me all the time i can be up to my eye in a poopy nappy i will ask for wipes he will sit on his butt and say i love you which is nice but FFS pass me the DAM WIPES

on the loo wanting privacy (i have issues i really can't perform with people hovering) he comes upstairs to see if im okay "im fine" okay i love you (big silence) do you love me? (WTF?) you never tell me i really think you should tell me more often he then launches into a long discussion about feelings I'M ON THE LOO FFS this really is not the time we have been together 6 years

i told him its grounds for divorce

i also tell him if he stopped telling me (30) times a day i might get a chance to tell him first!

Prforone Sun 02-Mar-14 23:48:17

Wow deaky, wish that was my problem!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Mar-14 05:52:54

"Why would he blow hot and cold like this?"

Maybe it's significant that DD was introduced to DS only recently? A year seems like a long time to wait and I wonder if it's changed the dynamic from 'semi-casual' to 'semi-permanent'? IME cracks sometimes start to appear in behaviour when partners feel either secure or constrained. Now it's official, they tell themselves, I want things done my way. Could be worth having a more searching conversation.

Walkacrossthesand Mon 03-Mar-14 06:45:08

He didn't just say 'see you later' to DD did he? Because round here (Hampshire) thats a widely used way of saying goodbye, regardless of how long it's going to be till you see the person again - really threw me the first few times I came across it! But the unnecessary dirty look, and the 'you don't say you love me but I'm going to ignore you when you do' sounds disturbingly like the beginnings of headfuckery....

Prforone Mon 03-Mar-14 09:07:16

No, definitely "see you later on". Last night my DD kept saying "When's xxxxx coming round?". I said I don't think he is, to which she replied "But he said .......". Aaaarrgghhhh!

Have heard nothing from him since. Unusual behaviour as I'd usually get a text saying good night or good morning by now. Itching to text him but don't want to sit here like a lovesick schoolgirl waiting on a response that won't come.

It's fucked up, isn't it? sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Mar-14 09:13:50

Definitely resist the temptation to text. I'm not sure about fucked up but it could be that he's having second thoughts or that things have run their course. Not unheard of for people to instigate a run of slightly unpleasant behaviour just before announcing 'we haven't been getting on well for a while' or similar.... hmm

I'm sure you've got plenty to be getting on with.

HelloBoys Mon 03-Mar-14 13:29:52

I'd be having 2nd thoughts. Especially if after a year he doesn't say he loves you when you tell him and then complains you don't tell him you love him enough.

Really? insecure much. I agree with whoever said about beginnings of headfuckery too.

Jan45 Mon 03-Mar-14 13:35:31

What is his problem, regardless of how he is feeling, he shouldn't be so disrespectful towards you, I'd tackle him when I see him next.

mammadiggingdeep Mon 03-Mar-14 18:18:51

It could be the very start of fuckwit behaviour. Just keep your radar on!

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