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New man kept one child a secret, not the other two. Do I run away now?

(80 Posts)
findingmymarbles Sun 02-Mar-14 19:07:54

I asked him at the very beginning how many kids he had. He said two, they live with their mother, he has them regularly.

Three weeks in I found out he has another one who lives with him full time. He says he didn't tell me as he didn't want me to be put off by the idea of a full time child, it was early days, he really liked me etc.

I have no problem with him looking after his own child himself, obviously. I have a massive problem with a lie this early on. Do I run now?

Sparklysilversequins Sun 02-Mar-14 19:10:06



Coelacanth Sun 02-Mar-14 19:10:19

Do you want to?

Lweji Sun 02-Mar-14 19:11:27

If you were the type of woman to be put off by a live in child, even on a first date, why would he want to date you anyway?

Dirtybadger Sun 02-Mar-14 19:12:06

Maybe he's telling the truth but I wouldn't be okay with it. Cut your losses. I wouldn't dream of hiding my family (in any sense) from a prospective partner. Especially as you specifically asked!

FabBakerGirl Sun 02-Mar-14 19:14:44

His reasoning makes no sense.


Cabrinha Sun 02-Mar-14 19:14:54

That's very weird.
Do you have children yourself?
If not, I might be slightly closer to understanding it, but if you have, I don't get it at all.

It would bother me that he didn't at least say three and let you assume all were resident with mothers.

It depends how it came out really.

If he said "I've got something I need to tell you and it was stupid and I'm embarrassed and I regret not telling you but..." then I might listen.

Dunno - just weird to have denied the child altogether, rather than the living arrangements.
It's a big fat lie, saying 2 not 3.

purpleroses Sun 02-Mar-14 19:16:02

I think it's a little odd to not say. But maybe he's had a bad experience before of women getting put off by a full time child. I think if you're otherwise keen on him if be inclined to talk to him a bit about why he lied and how he imagined you wouldn't find out.

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 02-Mar-14 19:18:00

Run away. He's a lying knob. And not a very bright one.

wyrdyBird Sun 02-Mar-14 19:18:21

I would. It's not exactly a little white lie.
If he lies about that he'll lie about anything.

findingmymarbles Sun 02-Mar-14 19:32:30

I don't have children, but spent the last five years looking after my ex's two children more often than their mother. He didnt know this.

It came out via Facebook stalking, as in a post from last year about his lovely child, who was obviously not either of the ages he said his other children were.

I have talked to him about it, explained that it isn't the child I object to but the lying.
His explanation was that he was worried I'd be put off, there is a complicated back story with the child which he didn't want to get into early on. In every other way he has been nothing but pleasant and nice so far, clever, funny, attentive, totally on my wavelength.

If I didn't like him there wouldn't even be a question, I'd do such a fast runner you wouldn't see me go.

Monetbyhimself Sun 02-Mar-14 19:34:18

I'd be running. It's a lie.

scottishmummy Sun 02-Mar-14 19:38:01

Yes,run Forrest run!

fideline Sun 02-Mar-14 19:38:40

My ex left an ex-wife and one of his children off his CV when I first met him. It was two years before their existence came to light, by which time we had a DC. It didn't get better. Normal men don't do this.


Smilesandpiles Sun 02-Mar-14 19:39:00

Run like the wind.

FabBakerGirl Sun 02-Mar-14 19:39:18

So you're staying with him then?

fideline Sun 02-Mar-14 19:40:00

"I have talked to him about it, explained that it isn't the child I object to but the lying.
His explanation was that he was worried I'd be put off, there is a complicated back story with the child which he didn't want to get into early on."

Are the alarm bells not deafening you!?

scottishmummy Sun 02-Mar-14 19:40:49

I see you're staying with him.?

Longdistance Sun 02-Mar-14 19:41:50

Run. What else has he lied about?

mammadiggingdeep Sun 02-Mar-14 19:43:33

Oh blimey.

He held up a five metre by five metre red flag and draped himself in it....

Liar. and then keep on running!!!!

Fairenuff Sun 02-Mar-14 19:46:06

Blimey OP, it's a simple question, no need to lie.

If he had lost you because he had a child, then it would have been no great loss would it. Unless he just wanted to sleep with you and thought he would do that first before he ran the risk of losing you.

But that just makes him look even more like a knob.

scottishmummy Sun 02-Mar-14 19:48:07

He's waved a big red flag,danced about with big red flag emblazoned with liar in gold font
With the result,that you've said awwwww, bless.ignored it and continue to date

findingmymarbles Sun 02-Mar-14 19:49:35

The alarm bells are ringing like mad, the only thing keeping me even vaguely half engaged is his behaviour previous to this revelation. I have at least one foot out of the door, nothing about this sits right with me.

It's just a shame, I'm disappointed more than anything.

scottishmummy Sun 02-Mar-14 19:51:07

You've dated 3weeks?not financially tied,don't cohabit,no kids together
I can't see that you're in so deep you feel torn
Why the ambivalence

fideline Sun 02-Mar-14 19:51:18

Disappointment seems reasonable. Staying really doesn't.

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