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can a family survive and prosper after a relocation?

(5 Posts)
ecofreckle Sun 02-Mar-14 18:01:14

DH has taken a new job in a new place 4 counties away. We both agreed that he should take it. It is significantly more money (which means I have more flexibility in the type of job I need to work myself or the hours I do), is a job he is excited about, has some prospects for further career development and offers more security (the move is from charitable to private sector).

I have lived in our current town for 20 years and love it. I have varied friends and hobbies established here and have a great NCT group that meet weekly. We have an 11mo DD. I have had to hand in my notice to make the move (I work in a fairly niche career and was towards the top of my particular game; it's unlikely I'll find a career type job where we move). In addition to the general loss of identity experienced by some new mothers it's all adding to my feeling very lost.

Property where we are moving is much closer to London and considerably more expensive. We have been house hunting for 2 months now and have had no success. We have spent numerous weekends in the new locality trying to find houses. Things come up on rightmove that we like but we can't be responsive enough and the decent stuff is selling before we get to view it.

All combined this is making me feel very scared about the move and my relationship with my very Dh is suffering because I'm struggling to be enthusiastic even though I agreed to the move (and it's one that on paper is being made for the good of the whole family). He now feels bad about being the reason we're on the move.

I'm interested in whether anyone else has relocated with a baby and established a new, content lifestyle for themselves. I'm sure they have! Some positive stories might help me get over myself..... On brighter days I tell myself it could be the start of something great. But there's not been many of those recently.

Sorry if you think this should be in Chat or Property or Mental health; they didn't feel quite right.

swampytiggaa Sun 02-Mar-14 18:49:51

We moved four years ago from the Midlands to north Devon with four children aged 18 months 4 6 and 8. Husband didn't have a job down here he worked away for the first ten months.

We moved into rented for six months whilst we house hunted. Kids started school. We managed to buy somewhere after six months then husband got a job locally.

I can honestly say that I have never regretted moving for a minute. Best thing we have ever done. Moving with children is fantastic as there are loads of opportunities to meet people. I have made friends thru preschool and school. I now volunteer with scouts and have made really good friends doing that.

It has been really positive for us smile good luck

Dharmalovesdraco Sun 02-Mar-14 19:15:21

We did it too. I would suggest renting initially so that you can get a feel for the area, where's nice and where is less so etc plus it takes the pressure off trying to find somewhere quickly. We moved from an area that we'd lived in for 30years, my dd had started reception I had a two year old as well, I had to leave my family and friends to move 200 miles away.
I won't lie, it was bloody hard to begin with, I cried most days as I missed my life. I resented DH as I not only did I hold him responsible for making us move but he also had adult company on a day to day basis and I was lonely. 6 years on though you couldn't pay me to move back, we have a great life here, and yes I still miss my family but we have a different support network in place. Having children will help massively, go to parent and toddler groups etc meet people that way.

ecofreckle Sun 02-Mar-14 19:46:14

dharma and swampy thank you for sharing your stories. I'm so pleased that for both of you it was the right move (Devon is pretty lush though....hard to be sad with such beauty around!). People have said having a child is the way into networks of friends, I will get out there and join groups and hope I can integrate. Renting seems sensible but we're struggling as we have to port mortgage which is fixed term or incur quite hefty penalties. Will have another look at that. Thanks again for your honesty thanks

blibblibs Sun 02-Mar-14 19:57:08

We did this too. I found it very difficult to begin with. I'd left a job that I loved, knowing I would never get to do it again and was bored and lonely for a long while. I've been here three years now and its much better, I have a job, the DCs are now at school, and I now have a nice social circle going on.
I would say that its only been since Christmas that I would now choose to stay here than go home. I felt that I'd scarifed alot for the sake of the family but am now starting to have a life of my own too.
The one thing that did help in the begining was that my DH loved his new job, had he disliked it/not been that fussy about it I think that would have made it harder IYSWIM.

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