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Are all families screwed up?

(15 Posts)
Doratheexplorersboots Sun 02-Mar-14 17:39:16

Just that really. The more I speak to people I realise that no family (I know of) is functional or 'normal'. In that, there are narcissistic family members, others that don't speak for decades, power struggles, grandparents who don't make an effort etc etc.
however I was having a good chat with someone at the weekend I don't know well at all and his family sounded so lovely; parents were childhood sweethearts, still together and happy. He's young but making plans for children with long term girlfriend. All go on holiday together frequently. I was so jealous! sad I crave that sort of extended happy family life, but there are so many divorces (my parents divorced messily 10 yrs ago, my brother too, after a year of marriage leaving wife & a 3month old baby) and politics, it's exhausting. They are always so easily offended, angry and judgemental..(I have my faults too mind and I'm the black sheeeep!).

Ok so, I have 2 gorgeous and lovely DDs, maybe I can break the rule?!
Any thoughts? Which is the more prevalent; happy and getting along or not?! (sorry for the navel gazing by the way!)

Joysmum Sun 02-Mar-14 17:43:45

Normal includes screw ups, divorces and bad things that have happened. That's why I just try to concentrate on dealing with the shit I've been dealt but putting it into the context if the rest of my life. I'd get bogged down if I listed my woes all together.

MrsGoslingWannabe Sun 02-Mar-14 17:46:11

Not getting along is the norm I find. But that doesn't mean there are lots of unhappy families. I think are lots of families with many faults but who still care for each other.

I feel like the black sheep in mine too! Parents are together despite 3 decades of arguing! Siblings are all uni graduates & home-owners thanks to generous loans from Dad. Not me though sad Oh well...

juneau Sun 02-Mar-14 17:48:40

No, I don't think all families are screwed up and your family - your little unit of parents and DC - is as screwed up as you make it grin

The family I grew up in is utterly dysfunctional (divorce, re-marriage, abuse, alcoholism and depression all featuring), but I figure my marriage and the home and family I create is mine to try and do better with! We'll see how I do with that...

BlueJean Sun 02-Mar-14 17:51:25

I think we are normal.

Several siblings on each side with extended families both sides. no fall outs or prolonged silences. Grandparents as involved as much as their personalities and interests allow them to be.No huffs and puffs over silly house rules when visiting other family members.Lots of give and take on all sides.

Thats just normal really.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 02-Mar-14 17:53:43

I used to think all families were screwed up like mine. Most of my friend's families are. Then I met DH. His family are pretty normal

Meglet Sun 02-Mar-14 17:57:55

yes.

anapitt Sun 02-Mar-14 18:07:53

no mine is amazing ( the one I was born into )

CooEeeEldridge Sun 02-Mar-14 18:17:02

Yes.

AllDirections Sun 02-Mar-14 18:21:55

My own family is totally screwed up, to the point where I have no contact with them.

My XH's family look like the perfect family and they would be other than the fact that everyone walks on eggshells around my XH so as to allow him to behave badly towards everyone. So I guess that makes them screwed up as well hmm

My own little family unit, just me and 3 DDs, seems like it's working well and we're not screwed up, despite the fact that I'm divorced and the DDs have different biological fathers. The DDs are happy and doing well generally and home is a nice place to be. Maybe I'm just deluded and we really are a screwed up family, but it certainly doesn't feel like that.

Nomama Sun 02-Mar-14 18:24:00

Absolutely!

His is weird and nasty. We have almost zero contact.

Mine is weird and nasty. We have almost zero contact.

Mine is a bit less weird and nasty than his, but that is a marginal shout.

A friend has a fully functioning family. They are lovely, supporting, visiting, visiting, knowing, gossiping, advising, visiting, having tea, gossiping, just popping in, advising, gossiping..... I don't think I'd have lasted very long if I had been born into that!

So yes, all dysfunctional.... in lots of different ways smile

Doratheexplorersboots Sun 02-Mar-14 18:45:39

Thanks all for your replies, so much. It's incredibly interesting and helpful to read. I guess it is a real mixture (which I had guessed), possibly leaning towards a greater number of dysfunctional ones perhaps (like mine!)

alldirections my DDs have different biological fathers too, your post stuck a chord as mine and DPs families are also a little screwed up but DD seem so happy and well adjusted..! I don't know, I'm taking nothing for granted when I say that though!!
It's a shock isn't it noarmarni to meet a well functioning happy family!
It's rough isn't it mrs gosling, being perceived as the 'black sheep', though I care less the older I get; it sort of amuses me more now (but maybe I'm odd!)
Thanks to everyone else I haven't mentioned for sharing your experiences of family dynamics.

It seems to be luck of the draw regarding what family you are born into? Though I do see that all have ups and downs and require compromises however some families to seem to function much better naturally..I still am jealous (am I too old to be adopted at 36 grin?!!)

curiousuze Sun 02-Mar-14 20:33:27

Mine is very 'normal'! Everyone gets along, no feuds - a bit of divorce here and there but nothing dramatic. One of my cousins gets a bit feisty on FB now and again but that's it. DH's is the same. They're not all perfect and stepford or anything, but there just aren't any fallings out or drama.

handmedownqueen Sun 02-Mar-14 23:25:32

yes! ours has been dysfunctional for years but its all kicked off big style recently despite us sibs being in our 40s, married with kids which surprised me. I blame it on us now parenting teenagers and looking back to how we were parenting with a highly critical eye. With an 18 yo I find it unbelievable that my parents thought it was ok to throw out my 18 yo brother for deciding he didnt like the Uni course they chose for him or telling me i would be disowned for having a baby out of wedlock at 26 with my partner of 6 years.
agree with other posters, make sure your own unit is happy and keep strong boundaries to protect it

deakymom Sun 02-Mar-14 23:33:10

yes, yes they are why do you ask?

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