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Really don't know how to handle this

(10 Posts)
PPaka Sun 02-Mar-14 09:17:07

H and I are separated
He cheated, lied and lied
But he's still begging me to take him back, in between shouting and swearing and abusing me. hmm
His mum is poorly, so he has gone to visit.
I find out through FB that the supposed OW is visiting the same country at the same time. Coincidence? I think not.

I'm just gobsmacked, but really nothing he does should surprise me anymore. I'm astounded by his audacity.

So , do I just pretend I don't know anything?
Confrontation will turn into a huge battle and we were just getting on an even keel, ie civil with each other

I wish I didn't have to deal with this liar for the rest of my life sad

mammadiggingdeep Sun 02-Mar-14 09:36:56

Don't say anything. Just store it under "l" for liar in the lying ex file in your brain.

Sounds like you and him are still too intertwined. Anyway you can detach even more?

Logg1e Sun 02-Mar-14 09:37:32

It's a concern that the answer isn't obvious to you. If a person shouts, swears and verbally(?) abuses you, you remove them from your life. No contact, no Facebook connection etc.

All I can presume is that you have children together. Do everything formally and via professionals. All communication in writing.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 02-Mar-14 09:39:15

This has to be a no contact situation. Through what communication medium does he beg, shout and swear? However he does it, sever that link. For your part stay off the dreaded FB. You know he's a liar so don't engage.

Hassled Sun 02-Mar-14 09:39:30

Pretend you know nothing. What will making it into an issue actually achieve? You know him for what he is - that's all that matters.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 02-Mar-14 10:00:01

From your last sentence I assume you have DC together. As he behaves so badly I'm glad you're living apart. Keep away from FB, don't rock the boat, just let him carry on with whatever nonsense he's up to, providing it doesn't impact on you or DCs - and in the meantime make sure you get your divorce.

Remember he's a liar, so whatever he hints at, always get proper advice elsewhere.

Is he a bully about money? See what you're entitled to, go through Citizens Advice, www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ or
the divorce charity Maypole, (the only UK charity supporting women through separation) www.maypole.org.uk

Are you working? Did you know some mortgage companies will lend taking benefits into account?

eg Halifax and Natwest take tax credits into consideration, Barclays and Woolwich consider maintenance if it's via court order.

If he uses MIL's illness as an excuse to wind you back in, be firm. You need to think about your safety and the DCs' security. That's not being selfish.

VivianStanshall Sun 02-Mar-14 10:01:19

Contact by text or email only. Make him a remote presence in your life.

whattoWHO Sun 02-Mar-14 10:02:16

You'll gain nothing from confronting him.

I'd consider it as evidence to confirm that the split is for the best and should be permanent.

PPaka Sun 02-Mar-14 11:27:25

You're right, I won't achieve anything

It's just not fair
And this is how my life is going to be

He hasn't done the shouting and swearing for a couple of weeks, because we haven't been together in the house

Everytime I talk to him, he manages to tell me that he misses me, that he'd do anything blah blah
I am limiting that phone time, but I have to speak to him about ds, and about about his mum right now

Logg1e Sun 02-Mar-14 12:04:38

You don't need to talk to him about his mum.

You don't need to talk to him about your son. Get a formal arrangement written up as soon as possible and communicate via email and text in the meantime.

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