Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

i feel like a loser compared to my friends

(19 Posts)
ladychloe Sat 01-Mar-14 22:22:30

Not sure that this is quite the right place but couldn't think where else to put it (name change cos embarrassed).
I have a lot of old friends who are high achievers. Some seriously impressive stuff - whether money, jobs, or parenting.
It's got to the stage that I now find myself avoiding meet-ups because I feel a loser compared to everyone else.
Anyone else feel the same? How do you deal with it? Before I get shot down this is my problem not theirs I know….

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 01-Mar-14 22:24:59

No. I am happy in my skin.

Lizzabadger Sat 01-Mar-14 22:27:19

Comparing yourself to others is a hiding to nowhere.

Jemma1111 Sat 01-Mar-14 22:29:50

Just because they're high achievers it doesn't mean they're better than you so stop comparing yourself to them ! Besides, some of them might have good careers but are miserable wuth their spouses , etc etc

Here's a useful saying, if you have integrity then nothing else matters, if you don't have integrity then nothing else matters.

ohtobecleo Sat 01-Mar-14 22:32:03

I sometimes feel like this with my peers at work as circumstances meant that I am waaay behind in the career stakes - but never with my friends who have been supportive all the way. How do I deal with it? focus on what I have achieved under the circumstances and try not to make comparisons (not always easy).

AllTheWorldAndSoMuch Sat 01-Mar-14 22:33:40

Don't compare your insides to other people's advice ever!

ScarletStar Sat 01-Mar-14 22:36:26

You're comparing people's outside circumstances to your inside feelings. They might have everything outwardly but you've no idea how they see themselves one is perfectly sorted and happy. Just be proud of who you are and what you do have. If you believe yourself a loser then you'll come across like one. I hope this makes sense!

ScarletStar Sat 01-Mar-14 22:36:47

Ahhh snap AllTheWorld! lol

Smilesandpiles Sat 01-Mar-14 22:40:51

Simple. I don't meet up with them in the first place. I meet up with people who make me feel good about myself instead.

Life is too short to drag yourself down. There are enough people out there to do that for you if you let them.

livingzuid Sat 01-Mar-14 22:48:28

Never compare yourself to other people. You just don't know what other people might be going though. It's all surface outside stuff you talk about. They might be infertile, dealing with a cheating partner or someone close to them might be sick or have passed away and they'd give anything to be in your place and have what you have.

It's not about one upmanship or trying to be at the same level as your peers. It's not a competition. It's about acknowledging all the very wonderful things in your life and what is important to you.

ladychloe Sat 01-Mar-14 22:52:12

thanks for all the good advice. i need to change the way I think I know..

Mrswellyboot Sat 01-Mar-14 22:52:27

oh no, don't compare at all! In no way is any one person inferior to another IMO because of material things or success. I think really successful people are kind, good people.

I think it would be good for you to take up something nice for yourself to boost your esteem. I bet your friends think a lot of you but you can't hear it because you are beating yourself up. If its a case of them bragging an bluffing (which only you know) then distance yourself.

ThinkIMmad Sat 01-Mar-14 22:58:27

I can understand where your coming from but if they are true friends it shouldnt matter and you should be able to feel comfortable around them whatever your lifestyle.

Benzalkonium Sat 01-Mar-14 23:00:36

Comparison is the enemy of joy.

GuineaPigGaiters Sat 01-Mar-14 23:16:50

Hi OP. Felt like you for about 10 years after Uni. I kind of meandered around from job to job never finding anything I really wanted or was good at...I married first, I had kids first, whilst they were all building their careers and becoming Highly paid high flyers.

Now one is divorced and a single mum, and they other is and has always been single and would love a family and a husband. (Though she does love her job and is the best travelled person I have ever known!) I feel a lot more settled in myself and as jealous as I am sometimes of their achievements I can now objectively look at my life and see that there are elements of it they must be envious about too.

Everyone has good and bad bits of their life, and in reality it's generally all the same for everyone. Some people are very good at self promoting and giving a blissful perfect picture but the reality is often something other.

Stop comparing your 'inside' life with everyone else's perfect 'outside' life...that was madness lies!

blueshoes Sat 01-Mar-14 23:25:22

OP, it is fine to not go for meet ups until you feel better about yourself.

Allofaflumble Sun 02-Mar-14 00:25:56

I know someone who lives in a lovely big house and has plenty of money but when I hear of how unkind, and in my eyes abusive her big shot husband is, I think how lucky I am to be single and live in my humble rented home . She has money but I have peace of mind.

No doubt in the eyes of the world she is a success and I am a failure, but I know what I would rather be! Things are not always as they seem. X

joanofarchitrave Sun 02-Mar-14 00:30:38

I agree with GuineaPig, this gets better as everyone gets older. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and see people who make you feel good.

EBearhug Sun 02-Mar-14 00:33:48

Don't compare - you're comparing your insides with their outsides, and probably quite a few of them are feeling like frauds inside.

Most of my friends are in what appear to be good relationships, with children, in nice houses and successful careers. I'm single, childless, never been able to afford a mortgage and haven't been promoted for 10 years.

Yet a few weeks ago, a friend was talking about all the amazing things I've done (referring to when I've been travelling and so on,) and she's just stuck at home with the children, not really using her degree or anything...)

It's very easy to discount the things we have achieved by focussing on the things we haven't got, and ignoring what we have. Pretty much everyone feels there's something missing, and in most cases, other people would look at them and wonder what they're worrying about.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: