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Rough guide to leaving

(19 Posts)
marthastew Sat 01-Mar-14 10:07:48

I have realised that I need to leave my marriage and my home, taking my two very small DC. We have somewhere that we can go temporarily and I have one week to get ready.

Please help me to make a list of what I need to take, what I need to do and what I need to prepare for.

Its EA and FA and the threat of DV. I've been trying to hide it but DH has recently had an accident and what with all the family being here they have all seen him for what he is and I think that they will support me when I go.

Will be back as often as I can but its difficult as he is at home all the time.

Thank you in advance for any advice and suggestions.

marthastew Sat 01-Mar-14 11:57:57

Please help me.

Passports, red books, house paperwork...

What other documents?

How do I find a solicitor?

tessa6 Sat 01-Mar-14 12:01:06

I don't want to read and run. Good luck, OP. You can do this, lots do. Citizens Advice Bureau is an important first step. Make sure you have financial information, access to whatever passwords and identification stuff to prove your self and your accounts. Find somewhere safe you can access the internet outside the home and have a real life friend who can be reassured about your whereabouts and help you out in an emergency if possible. More informed people will be along soon. All the best.

Meesh123 Sat 01-Mar-14 12:09:40

Any important documents - bills, letters, passports, birth certificates, laptops/netbook. I think you will be fine, if your family have seen this man for what he is then they will support you. Things may get messy as they always do but you will be free of him and feel like you can handle anything. Good luck.

anonforabit Sat 01-Mar-14 12:14:27

On phone as out but here's a start passports, birth and marriage certificates, if you have a car ownership paperwork, car insurance stuff, driving licence, red books, nhs cards, national insurance card, bank details. Medication, photos, sentimental stuff.

whattodoforthebest2 Sat 01-Mar-14 12:18:24

Try to get together details of all bank/savings accounts, ISAs, pension, mortgage, life assurance documents, payslips, P60, benefits.

They may not be required but better to have them than worry later. Obviously you and the DC are the most important factors so make sure you have everything you need for yourself and them.

Well done for making the move - keep posting when you can - there is lots of help and support here for you.

Good luck.

Scarletohello Sat 01-Mar-14 12:23:56

Here's some info from the Women's Aid website about what to take and some things to consider

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310005

Good luck to you and stay safe

If you think he will kick off take anything that has serious sentimental value that he could break or throw away.

Preparing someone for leaving is like preparing someone for childbirth - nothing can describe it adequately, you have to experience it to understand it and that's the good bits as well as the bad bits.

Expect the unexpected. Rally your friends and family round you. Take all the help that's offered (and you will be offered lots of help). Remember his 'best' tool is emotional abuse so expect him to try every trick in the book to undermine you. The people who matter will believe your side of the story, whatever c&%p he comes out with.

But among all the bad stuff - prepare to be HAPPY and FREE and SAFE!!!

DoctorTwo Sat 01-Mar-14 12:51:32

I see you have a place to go to, that's one less thing to worry about. Like others have said, get birth certificates, passports, any financial documents you can and most of all, be safe.

tinytalker Sat 01-Mar-14 14:08:47

Don't forget to have your mail re-directed by the Post Office, could be to a friend or relatives.

HelenHen Sat 01-Mar-14 14:31:32

I can't help but just really wanna say good luck and well done for being so strong!

Lweji Sat 01-Mar-14 14:49:06

Make sure people who are on your side are with you when you leave, and make sure DC are out before you tell him you are leaving.
Get them to a relative, or to the new place, then take their stuff (or at least the stuff that you haven't been able to take without him noticing).

Meanwhile, you could have a clean up at home, but instead of bagging old clothes, you bag most of the good ones and take them somewhere safe. Leave enough so that he doesn't suspect.

Ignore threats, including suicide threats, crying, promises and nice behaviour.
Do not tell him where you are going to live. You can meet elsewhere to handover the children eventually.

Gather evidence of DV, EA, etc.

VikingLady Sat 01-Mar-14 22:27:53

Yes to the mail redirection - you don't need proof of where you want it to go to, only proof of your current address. I'd do that as soon as you can as there is a delay in setting it up. Maybe to your mum's, if you think they will be supportive? Or a friend who is your friend rather than H's?

Lizzabadger Sat 01-Mar-14 22:30:28

Be careful with mail redirection - don't they send a letter to your old house with details of your new address on it?

JabberJabberJay Sat 01-Mar-14 22:31:40

Remember to clear your internet history and change any passwords if they are ones he knows.

Ladyflower Sun 02-Mar-14 09:15:18

Mail redirections do send a letter to the old house confirming the redirection has been set up and asking you to contact them if you had not requested the redirection.
They do NOT print the new address on the letter. I know this for certain as have just gone through this and wanted to keep my new address secret from the utter twat who bought my house!

Lizzabadger Sun 02-Mar-14 09:42:41

That's good to know - thanks Ladyflower.

not2nitedarling Sun 02-Mar-14 09:53:09

u are so brave, well done xx

VikingLady Sun 02-Mar-14 13:58:38

Well done for making the decision smile

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