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Normal way to argue??

(24 Posts)
Thecellardoor Sat 01-Mar-14 09:59:56

I'm not sure asking this but what is normal?
4 hours of being shouted at, told I thick stupid fat useless?
Laughing at me crying. Telling me he hates me. That everyone thinks I'm dim, lazy and that he'd be better off without me.
He has a lit of stress at work but is this right?
I'd made a stupid comment the day before to someone, he heard it and that's how it started but it has happened plenty of times before.

Only1scoop Sat 01-Mar-14 10:03:34

You know it's not right. Are you married? Do you live together....can you just leave this awful relationship?

colafrosties Sat 01-Mar-14 10:03:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

No that is not normal.

Argument is a difference of opinion, it's possible to express this respectfully. What he's doing is verbal abuse.

I bet your "stupid comment" was a perfectly reasonable, normal comment to make too.

Mrsantithetic Sat 01-Mar-14 10:13:56

For contrast. My dp has never raised his voice at me. Ever.
If we have a disagreement it's an exchange of opinions at normal speaking level for him. I get a bit raised then one if us will go to another room for half a hour then it's sorted if we didn't resolve it one of us will apologise later and we will fix it.

He has never ever done what you describe. Ever. Your partner sounds awful hmm

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 01-Mar-14 10:15:00

That is not an argument. That is just vile abuse, and you need to LTB.

MorrisZapp Sat 01-Mar-14 10:15:22

Of course that's not normal. It's appalling abuse, and you need to get strong and address it properly.

emptychair Sat 01-Mar-14 10:17:21

WParsleyS.

That's abuse. The "right" way to argue is when you can argue back, reach a mutual understanding and move on.

Hoppinggreen Sat 01-Mar-14 10:17:37

Even when we argue we argue about something that one of us has done or something we don't agree on.
We might not like the issue but we like each other, sounds like this man doesn't actually like you much at all.
It's really not normal

Pagwatch Sat 01-Mar-14 10:18:39

That is not an argument. That is just a bullying, aggressive twat.

No. It's not normal. Not anything like normal.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Sat 01-Mar-14 10:19:09

How do YOU feel about his behaviour towards you OP?

Thecellardoor Sat 01-Mar-14 10:38:41

Sad scared and useless. Not married but live together.

diamondlizard Sat 01-Mar-14 10:46:34

Not acceptable

What was the stupid comment you made
As I bet it wasn't stupid

Sounds like he tries to control what you say to other people?

perfectstorm Sat 01-Mar-14 10:47:40

Not normal at all.

DH and I argue about specific things. We can get angry and even shouty on rare occasions, but it never, never gets personal as you describe. Because what you describe is nasty, vindictive, cruel and bullying. Laughing at you crying made me go shock. That's really, really awful, especially when it's his viciousness that has caused this.

He sounds a complete shit. Do you have kids together, and have you been with him a long time?

innisglas Sat 01-Mar-14 13:20:06

"That everyone thinks I'm dim, lazy and that he'd be better off without me."

My daughter's father used to say things like that to me, once he twigged that I had issues with self-confidence, and then, quite by accident, a year after we separated I found out that quite the opposite was true, nobody could understand what I was doing with him.

The best thing I ever did, after having my daughter, was to leave him. A loving partner says things to make you feel better about yourself.

chateauferret Sat 01-Mar-14 13:26:41

That's only normal in the case of an enormous twat. And it isn't arguing, it's - well, being an enormous twat.

Thecellardoor Sat 01-Mar-14 16:11:34

All your replies have made me cry again. I read what you say and can't believe its me and not someone else if that makes sense. I never thought I'd be abused, I look back 15 years and can I've changed. Time for some serious thinking. Thank you

Nomama Sat 01-Mar-14 16:54:28

Yes, he would be better off without you.

In the way that a car is better off without its engine - it is going nowhere fast.

Do him a favour, leave him.

What you do with your new found freedom is no skin off his nose - right ? grin

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Sat 01-Mar-14 17:49:35

Well for what it's worth, it's not normal, it is abuse.

monkeynuts123 Sat 01-Mar-14 17:53:59

Are there children?

emmorg Sat 01-Mar-14 17:56:21

Disgusting - he's an idiot

Mrsantithetic Sat 01-Mar-14 20:21:57

Life is too short to be unhappy and it's certainly too short to live with a man like that.

Get out and go get yourself a happy life.

Nottalotta Sat 01-Mar-14 20:29:59

Not normal at all. We argue, sometimes it gets heated and we shout. But never in the way you describe. What an awful man he sounds.

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