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How the hell do I take it to the next level???

(47 Posts)
LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 09:31:20

I have been seeing a guy for the past month and feel ready for it to turn erm sexual!

How the hell do I move it to the bedroom? We have been snogging on the sofa but it hasn't really gone any further. OMG I sound and feel like a 16 year old!

I separated from my husband last March and have 2 DDs who are 3 and a half and my baby is 6 months. I was with my ex for 6 years and I am so scared of having sex with someone new. Its a whole different kettle of fish when you 24 and have no responsibilities to being a 30 year old single mother of 2 small children.

I also feel slightly strange about having sex in the house with my 2 kids present!

Argh its so complicated!!!!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 01-Mar-14 09:36:30

Do you get any time to yourself without your children around? Do they stay with Dad or grandparents? Might be a little quick to have your 3yo find a man staying for breakfast...

Offred Sat 01-Mar-14 09:41:49

Are you ready for it? Not sure it should be this difficult. Either you aren't ready or the relationship isn't right maybe?

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 09:44:14

My ex is in the forces and is based 5 hours away. He has the eldest for a weekend every couple of months and he does not have the baby staying with him as he is and has admitted it himself unable to cope with babies!!! My mum is the only grandparent local and she works quite a bit so I don't like to ask her too much.

My new guy works 3 nights a week and has his children from a previous relationship stay at his 2 nights a week so we only have 1 or 2 nights a week on our own together round at mine when the girls are in bed. We do spend time together during the day but obviously there is no funny business as my girls are with me.

I have no intention of him staying all night but sex doesn't take all night does it lol

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 09:46:12

Oh I am ready I'm just petrified of actually doing the deed for the 1st time. He is a lovely guy and I really like him but its just I'm so god damn scared! He hasn't pushed anything which I find even more attractive!!!

TheVictorian Sat 01-Mar-14 10:02:58

You could wear some saucy underwear, under a dressing gown then when you have been kissing for a bit, take his hand and take him to the bedroom then take off your gown and let things go from there.

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:09:41

I tend to be clothed when he comes round and I guess I'm gonna have to have a trip to la Senza! It has been years since I have worn "sexy" underwear!

See we haven't even had a fumble yet, Am I rushing it? Is it weird to go from only having snogged to sex straight away!

I may seem like an idiot but in my past relationships the 1st time we had sex was after having a night out getting pissed, gyrating against each other on the dance floor then falling into a heap in bed!

I cant do the getting pissed bit now as a hangover and looking after 2 small kids is not good!!!!

Offred Sat 01-Mar-14 10:11:11

I never think being pissed to have sex is a good thing really.

What is it that scares you?

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:15:27

Being with someone new, Having sex for the 1st time since having the baby, Not wanting to disturb the kids, the list is endless!

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:16:25

Plus the body isn't what it used to be lol but I have been told that my belly is the last thing he will be interested in!

MadIsTheNewNormal Sat 01-Mar-14 10:18:13

I don't think adults actually do graduated fumbling, do they?! grin I think you go from snogging to full sex once one of you gives the signal to the other that they are ready.

He sounds nice not to have pushed it, given that you haven't been single for long and you have such a young baby. Maybe he is a real gentleman and he's just waiting for you to give him a sign.

Why don't you just song him passionately and then say 'Why haven't you tried to sleep with me yet?' And see what he says. If he says 'Because I'm not sure if you wanted me to' then you can say 'Well I do!'

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:18:13

Do I just go for it on the sofa or lead him upstairs? I feel a bit weird having sex with someone in my bed who isn't the kids dad with them asleep feet away. I sound pathetic don't I!

MadIsTheNewNormal Sat 01-Mar-14 10:19:04

snog him, obviously. I am not suggesting that you 'song' him into submission - you might be a crap singer.

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:20:37

He is a gentleman and I think that's what I'm not used to!

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:21:30

Yep I don't think my vocal stylings will get him going lol

Offred Sat 01-Mar-14 10:36:55

I wonder if you're just overthinking this or if I just have a different approach. I hate my body but I've found things have just progressed to (lovely) sex quite naturally and that as time went on and the connection got better the sex did too. Still hate my body, still got kids in the house, still doing it all over the house (while they are asleep and the door is shut!).

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:39:35

I do think I'm overthinking it! I'm getting myself all worked up for no reason! Its not like I haven't done it before for gods sake! I need to man up lol

MorrisZapp Sat 01-Mar-14 10:41:29

If you both fancy each other the question is how did you manage to not shag him for a month. You don't need to ask him, just do the usual stuff with your hands etc that state your intent. If he's up for it too, you'll soon know. If he isn't, then you can have a chat.

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:44:42

I think I've been taking baby steps as I'm that nervous! I do fancy him and I fancy him more the more time we have been spending together. Things have got a bit steamy the past couple of nights he has been round, I guess I'm just gonna have to find my inner hussy lol

Offred Sat 01-Mar-14 10:47:58

Calm down and relax then! Ha ha! Try not to plan it.

But also consider this thing of him being a gentleman.

Sometimes someone will be like this not because he's respectful but because he's got issues with sex (lack of confidence, prudishness, low sex drive) and it may be that what you have is a mutual crisis of sexual confidence rather than a mutually respectful relationship. That can be hard work and make each of you ever increasingly anxious eventually rejected if you get back on the horse but realise he's got issues.

I did this with my h who I'm now separated from. It was a big issue (along with others). May be projecting but interested in why the sexual aspect has stalled when you're ready but unconfident.

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:51:15

From our messages via facebook I don't think either of us is a prude or have a low sex drive. I really do think he is just waiting for the green light!

Offred Sat 01-Mar-14 11:03:41

Ha ha! Good. Try to relax then and take it naturally.

LittleDonkeyKong Sat 01-Mar-14 11:10:56

Do I just assume he carries condoms around with him? I'm not on any contraception but I have made an appointment to see the nurse on Tuesday. Should I go buy some and stash them away in my bedside table? I have never bought condoms before lol

skyeskyeskye Sat 01-Mar-14 11:11:19

It is very weird having sex again with somebody different, but once you get past the first time, it's ok...

I have been seeing my bloke for around 6 weeks and the first time that we had sex, I was very nervous. I was also very drunk. grin. It was weird being with somebody else after being with XH for 10 years, but it was ok.. It wasn't brilliant, the first time, but once that was out of the way, it just gets better as you get to know each other better.

I am lucky in that DD is with XH overnight once a fortnight, so we do get some time on our own. He has stayed over once when DD was here and we just shut all the doors and try and be quiet grin.

Go for it. He is probably just trying to be respectful and wait until you are ready. Have a glass of wine to relax, but don't get drunk.

skyeskyeskye Sat 01-Mar-14 11:12:48

yes to the condoms, just buy a pack of 3 or 12 and keep them in the drawer next to the bed smile

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