Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is he being unfaithful ?

(41 Posts)
jacksmum7 Sat 01-Mar-14 08:17:41

Ive had my suspicions and a feeling in my gut that something is going on with my husband for a long time. Recently i remarked to a friend how he makes excuses to go to the store most nights to get something or other , even when i say we already have that thing he says oh well i have to get this that or the other.i saw a medium recently and was going to ask her if she saw anything to do with my husband but i didnt need to ask. She told me s heap of things that were right then went on to say my husband has been having an afair for a long time and theres a child. She told me her profession and that they meet while walking the dogs.she told me what type of dog she has too. The thing that made me worry is that it didnt surprise me and answered lots of questions .

PublicEnemyNumeroUno Sat 01-Mar-14 08:19:53

Well i wouldn't believe anything a medium says

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 01-Mar-14 08:22:04

You cannot possibly take the word of a medium to judge this one hmm Talk to your husband, see what's going on, see what he says. If you don't trust him, tell him you don't trust him. If you need to know what he does when he goes to this store (supermarket?) every night then find out what he does. But don't go on the say-so of someone who is making educated guesses....

BardOfBarking Sat 01-Mar-14 08:23:44

I was going to say 'If you think he is - then he probably is.' But having faith in the word of a 'medium' makes me doubt your stability I'm afraid. So… I don't know.

PrincessScrumpy Sat 01-Mar-14 08:28:23

Sometimes I go to the shop to get something I could have got the next day just to get out of the house on my own - I'm always either with dc or dh and get very little alone time. I used to hate being alone but now I love it (occasionally) so it could be just as simple as that, he just fancies some space.

I wouldn't pay attention to a medium but I would tell dp in a lighthearted way that I went to a medium and do you know what she said... tell him all the details and see the look on his face. Then when dp goes to the shop I'd probably joke that he's off to his affair. tbh how would he be having an affair in the time it takes to get to the shop?

tribpot Sat 01-Mar-14 08:40:44

The trips to the store could be an excuse to phone someone else (unless he's a very avid shopper or having it away with someone who works at the store, I doubt he is doing more than that whilst out!)

However, please don't make yourself believe it just because a medium said so, that's insane. I agree with PrincessScrumpy, you could use it as an opening gambit to see what his reaction is, although it wouldn't take a particularly skilled liar to laugh off the accusations of a medium. I'd be asking you whether you'd sought a second opinion from the fairies at the bottom of the garden.

Mum2Fergus Sat 01-Mar-14 08:43:43

I make excuses to go to shop on my own of an evening too...just some 'me' time (sad lol) no one else involved. Other than the old wife tales, what other evidence do you have?

meditrina Sat 01-Mar-14 08:47:43

I wouldn't believe the word of a medium.

But you say that you're not surprised by an affair scenario. Why?

MairzyDoats Sat 01-Mar-14 08:50:12

Ok, apart from going to the shop frequently, do you have anything else solid to base this on? Y

pancakedayiscoming Sat 01-Mar-14 08:56:20

Look for more evidence. How long is he gone for when he goes to the shops, etc.

PastPerfect Sat 01-Mar-14 08:59:42

As others have echoed I wouldn't put any faith in the words if a medium - unless of course there is a chance she knows your DH, in which case you need to do some exploring.

If your DH is at work all day popping out to the store is, IMO, suspicious. A man whose been at work all days hardly needs me time - presumably he gets that traveling to and fro?

Is there anything else that has made you suspicious?

Mum2Fergus Sat 01-Mar-14 09:01:20

After having been at work all day is exactly why I need 'me' time...

peasandlove Sat 01-Mar-14 09:03:58

dont ignore your gut feeling, you need to act on that, it's there for a reason. Either ask your husband outright, or get his phone or whatever but start checking if things add up or not.

Offred Sat 01-Mar-14 09:29:46

The way a medium works is by cleverly working out details about you and telling you what you want to hear. You thought your h was having an affair, she told you he was.

You need to find out if your suspicions are correct rather than getting distracted with mumbo jumbo from a professional con artist IMO.

bragmatic Sat 01-Mar-14 09:40:02

Quite possibly the medium knows the OW??

DarlingGrace Sat 01-Mar-14 09:41:56

Mediums feast on other peoples insecurities.

Any person who asks if their husband has an affair at best is exhibiting signs of insecurity - you will keep going back time and time again because you cannot manage without her advice and become reliant on her, paying hand over fist every time.

Absolute charlatans.

BadLad Sat 01-Mar-14 09:56:00

A man whose been at work all days hardly needs me time - presumably he gets that traveling to and fro?

Unless he has a chauffeur to take him there, I doubt this. Could well mean standing on a packed commuter train which is often delayed or cancelled.

Longdistance Sat 01-Mar-14 09:57:16

Oh I wonder if dh thinks I'm having an affair now. I pop to the shops of an evening to get out of the house as I'm a SAHM. It's a big of time to get some much needed space, and dd's would be in bed by the time I'm home.

Does he come home with the shopping then? Or is he empty handed?

I really would take what the medium said with a pinch of salt. I had one tell me I was gonna marry a man with S in his name, dh doesn't, and another said I'd have quiet children....erm, they are certainly not quiet I want a refund

firesidechat Sat 01-Mar-14 10:11:48

Perfectly ok to trust your gut instinct and hard evidence. Not at all ok to trust the word of a medium.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Sat 01-Mar-14 10:34:30

You saw a medium? You sound insane. Sorry. Come back with a more rational reason for your suspicions and you will find that you get a lot more help and support here.

LaurieFairyCake Sat 01-Mar-14 10:35:57

Follow him, then you'll know.

Smilesandpiles Sat 01-Mar-14 16:40:08

I would look into why you are having doubts first. Then, figure out why you are not surprised. Then figure out, do you actually want a relationship with him after all - then make your move one way or the other.

The most telling thing for me, is that you were not surprised...either you have low self esteem and are used to being treated this way or you know already that you don't this relationship any more and haven't for a long time.

myown2feetaregreat Sat 01-Mar-14 17:20:37

I don't think you are insane, how rude, not at all.
FWIW there is a medium in my local area , where you go in "cold" i.e. give no information at all regarding yourself or your situation and her predictions have proved eerily accurate.
That aside, clearly your intuition is telling you something is wrong within your relationship. It is not unusual for someone conducting an affair to make excuses to "pop out" to call the ow/om to get their fix for the day. Mine did, have ever so many saws from our local D.I.Y. XH left behind, as " this one is blunt myown, I'll just pop out and get us another" . He and OW conducted their affair in the week at work and just needed a little "chat" at the weekends to get them through to Monday, poor things. XH was always helpful with chores etc, but it was the increasing "popping out" that set me on the path to discovery of their affair.
Sit him down and have the "talk", ask for the truth. Offer to accompany him on his next trip, check his reaction to that offer.
You sound to me, emotionally desperate for the truth, enough to pay for a medium, if he is having an affair, he may be wanting cake and eat it at this stage. Trust your instincts, always.
As others often say on these boards, you don't need an excuse to leave if you are being treated disrespectfully. Hire a P.I. to get the information you need if you have the funds.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Sat 01-Mar-14 17:44:05

I didn't say OP is insane, I said she sounded insane. Assumptions about your life based on the statements of a medium is insane. Intuition and instinct is not. But the OP needs to think about it and have some rational reasons for thinking he might be having an affair other than what some misguided fool / possible fraud says. This is her life, not a TV show and she needs to make rational decisions and form a coherent thought process.

I hope you're ok OP and if you do want to talk this out, please come back. I didn't mean to sound unsupportive, I just think life decisions should be made on what you feel and what is real. You can't on here for advice and that is my advice. What other things have made you feel he's having an affair?

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Sat 01-Mar-14 17:45:48

To be clear, I am referring to a medium as a possible fraud / misguided fool- not the previous poster!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: