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So my so called husband says to me ...

(24 Posts)
tobethatis Fri 28-Feb-14 12:20:14

So my so called husband says to me 'if you hadn't met me you would be living in poverty.' What a put down ... i cannot bear t be in the same room as him

sisterofmine Fri 28-Feb-14 12:21:09

my response would be.... yes but at least I'd have my self-respect

Walkacrossthesand Fri 28-Feb-14 12:22:38

So, where do you go from here?

FreakinAllAboutSugar Fri 28-Feb-14 12:23:07

Ugh.

Genuinely at a loss for words. Can you take yourself off somewhere for the day,hell, even the weekend,to get some distance from him?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Fri 28-Feb-14 12:23:41

Regular Prince Charming he is hmm

yegodsandlittlefishes Fri 28-Feb-14 12:29:52

Oh now, what's that song?
You're So Vain? Not it
These boots are made for walking? Almost
Hit the Road, Jack? Apt, but no
It's 'Don't You Want Me'by Human League.

tobethatis Fri 28-Feb-14 12:31:22

i have to wait a few weeks then i can travel and see my family as we live outside the uk this happened a week ago and still feel same disgust

DafadWoolanog Fri 28-Feb-14 12:41:13

What was the context of his saying it?

LastOneDancing Fri 28-Feb-14 12:49:17

What a load of shit.

If you hadn't met him the possibilities are endless - a winning lotto ticket, a chance meeting with a handsome millionaire, a sudden flash of inspiration and an amazing business idea, a great job opportunity...

Nobody knows what might have happened. Including him.

AnyFuckerHQ Fri 28-Feb-14 12:52:22

.....and he would still be a dick

Jan45 Fri 28-Feb-14 12:52:45

That is more a reflection of his own insecurities.

MrsIrony Fri 28-Feb-14 13:18:37

Yes mine would say that to me. Strange because when he met me I had my own house, my own car and a job in central London which I enjoyed and was relatively well paid. I met him because the interest rate on my mortgage had shot up to 15% and I couldn't afford it so advertised for a lodger. That was it from then on. He regarded himself as my saviour and I should be forever grateful.

He, conversely, had a bike, a bag of clothes and a shit load of credit card debt. He earned the same money as me and his parents owned their own house in the North East. But as an individual he had nothing. But seemingly I was a gold digger because I knew his parents owned their own house and my dad lived in a council hous! Figure that one out. I often pointed out that if that was the case I would have married someone with parents living in the south east where I live and grew up and houses are typically three times the value.

This skewed view of the basis of our marriage and me continued throughout our 20 years together and got progressively worse. But eventually I came to realise it was more about his inadequacies and lack of self esteem than my need for a meal ticket. Apart from about 6 months when my daughter was first born I have worked throughout. Part time when she was younger and full time since she was about 12.

Don't let that crap get to you. I did and struggled for years trying be super mum and super wife. I now know I could have jumped through hoops of fire and it would never have been enough. I feel so much better now I'm out of it and have much higher regard for my achievements.

Just bat it off. Sadly if he sees you like that chances are it won't change. Just my take on it.

Innogen Fri 28-Feb-14 13:26:41

Surely you'd have just married someone else and been in a similar financial set up?

Bless that he thinks he's the only option! Plenty of men knocking round OP! He's replaceable ;)

chateauferret Fri 28-Feb-14 14:02:44

"But at least I wouldn't be living with a twat."

ThePinkOcelot Fri 28-Feb-14 14:21:07

Why did he say that? In what context.

I think I would have told him to fuck off!

tobethatis Fri 28-Feb-14 14:50:37

there was no real context we were arguing a bit but that just blew me away. My grandmother is also ill, dying, and he said old people get ill thats what happens when they die. Thanks for the responses I feel like something has snapped inside me and I feel totally different towards him. Why would someone say that? I just replied I had my whole life ahead of me when i met you. The more i think about it the more it upsets me because there is a total lack of respect, based on who owns what. As I have children now my earning capacity has reduced. Funny thing is I was supporting him at one point when he couldnt find a job. It all so very disappointing. I actually feel very depressed about it. Its is extraordinary how the words people use can literally but bullets through your heart.

AnyFuckerHQ Fri 28-Feb-14 15:09:34

"to the left, to the left....."

In the words of Beyonce, he is replaceable

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Feb-14 15:09:52

The sentiment that 'you'd be nothing without me'... is really insulting. He's saying you ought to be grateful and that's not how equal relationships work

BalloonSlayer Fri 28-Feb-14 15:35:40

Point the supporting thing out to him: "And when you were unemployed, if you hadn't had me as a meal ticket you'd have starved to death like a dog in the gutter. What? Did you think that sounded a bit unkind? I am glad you said that because what I was doing was turning round the appalling thing you said to me the other day, sending it right back at you. If you think I just said something awful, then I need a grovelling apology for what you said."

Melonbreath Fri 28-Feb-14 16:08:28

Tell him yes he's right. You're staying with him out of gratitude not love. Is that what he'd prefer?

tobethatis Fri 28-Feb-14 19:24:43

he just acts like nothing happened and we should carrying on as before - i find that behaviour bullying - i cant see how i am going to recover from this it is too much

Hissy Fri 28-Feb-14 19:43:55

Sounds like a last straw to me love. sad

When you come back to the UK, can you make that a one-way trip?

He deserves nothing more.

What a vile twat he really is

FabBakerGirl Fri 28-Feb-14 19:48:06

Don't listen to Jan45. This man isn't insecure. He is a wanker who thinks he is something special.

fideline Fri 28-Feb-14 19:48:57

You'll be living in misery if you stay.

What's your plan?

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