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Book Advice

(8 Posts)
NotTheFirstBornAgainVirgin Fri 28-Feb-14 10:40:42

I seem to have a new boyfriend, which I honestly never expected. It's all very new and very intense after 6 years celibate and a massively EA marriage. Does anyone have any reading advice for me - I'm worried that I am being blinded by my emotions, which is what happened at the beginning of my relationship with my exh.
In fairness he seems to be a really lovely person, happy to be interrogated by my kids over the phone, says all the right things, very attentive in bed, very romantic, has kids too, we are both taking it really slowly with our kids.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Feb-14 14:04:50

Perhaps, if you're already conscious that you can get blinded by your emotions, you don't need a book? All books mostly do is trigger self-awareness and you seem to have that. What I'd suggest is that you carry on taking it very slowly, maintain some independence and take a step back at regular intervals to make sure whether it's what you really want and going in the direction you want. If something doesn't feel right at any stage, think it through rather than push it to one side. Otherwise trust your judgement and good luck smile

DavidTwattenborough Fri 28-Feb-14 14:11:28

very intense

Intense can be great! But be sure that things aren't moving too quickly! Make sure you have a bit of space, keep taking a step back every now and again - make sure you've always got space for independence (ie keeping your money separate, continuing to see your friends) no matter how much you care for him.

very attentive in bed

Lucky bugger.

Good luck! flowers

NotTheFirstBornAgainVirgin Fri 28-Feb-14 16:36:11

Oh thank you so much for that ! I do feel better for your words. We can only really take it slowly because we live 2 hours apart and both have our kids most of the time, so the windows of opportunity are pretty small. I honestly thought I was done for life at 43, but suddenly I am on this whirlwind of emotions. Not much helped by the fact that my ex-husband (6 years in the past) made a death threat to me last week when drunk and the shrink and lawyer think that I really have to take action this time. It's sure going to stir up a shit storm though.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Feb-14 16:42:29

It's not easy but try to separate the two things if you can. If you can largely deal with your exH independently it'll save you from that dodgiest of relationship-kindlers i.e. cleaving together in a crisis.

NotTheFirstBornAgainVirgin Sat 01-Mar-14 09:03:43

Thanks Cogito. Kids off skiing tomorrow so while they are not in the area to get mixed up in this I'll make the complaint to the police - in France so it should be interesting.

We both own our own homes - and mine is in part one of my businesses so no danger of loosing my financial independence I think. Going slowly for the physical bit seems to be beyond my willpower now the cobwebs have been brushed off.

My ex was the master at feeding me what I wanted to hear, it stuns me to this day how I didn't realise what an utter c**t he was until long after I was pregnant. I regret intensely having been deprived joyous pregnancies with someone as happy about it as I was. My eyes have been opened by to all that I missed. And mn has opened my eyes to much that I went through, and are helping me to have the courage to go to the police now.

NotTheFirstBornAgainVirgin Sun 02-Mar-14 20:36:53

So I went to the gendarmes, who just said we don't understand why you are here, and no you can't make any kind of official complaint unless he actually does you harm, preferably more than once. So went to the Police - who were brilliant (in comparison) took my statement, listened to various recordings of death threat and the kids talking about how scared they are of him. One more cock up and they actually will do something - and he doesn't actually have to do me or them physical harm - so that's a plus.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 03-Mar-14 06:07:21

Well done for getting the behaviour on record. I take it you're in France? Do you have legal representation?

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