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what would you do......

(15 Posts)
VelmaD Fri 28-Feb-14 10:00:47

If a (not very close) friend gushed to you about how wonderful their six week long boyfriend was, and how he stays a few times a week with her and her child aged four, treats the child as his own, is wonderful etc.

Boyfriend has children from previous relationships and they met online.

I just wanted a general mn opinion as im not sure if my judgement is a little clouded.

pussycatdoll Fri 28-Feb-14 10:02:52

Not sure I understand the question?

I'd be happy for her

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Feb-14 10:03:07

I'd be thinking... 'she's an idiot rushing this man into her family and thinking with her fanny'. I'd be saying ... 'that's nice dear', changing the subject and going on stand-by with the tissues.

pussycatdoll Fri 28-Feb-14 10:04:01

If she's not a very close friend though why do you feel the need to do anything ?

MrsIrony Fri 28-Feb-14 10:05:47

Nothing! It's her life. What are you thinking you should be doing? Tell her she's wrong? She won't take very kindly to that. I understand you might have concerns regarding her kids, and if she was a really close friend, maybe a chat about hers and her DC's personal safety may be in order but you say you aren't that close.

Personally I would leave well alone.

VelmaD Fri 28-Feb-14 10:13:33

Thank you. Im not very good at not interfering, and am making a conscious effort but then wasn't sure if id done the right thing or not.

I acted a little shocked tbh, but wished her well and asked questions to let her gush.

I am concerned about how quick it is as I've seen friends in the past underestimate the impact it can have on children, but I thought the right thing to do was to say "wow", be nice and happy, and like cognito says have tissues ready if needed.

Im not good at social situations at all, and this has itched at me for a couple of weeks.

Thank you.

cafesociety Fri 28-Feb-14 10:47:09

I would be concerned too, she is making her needs priority, over and above those of her child. [I was that child, once, so maybe it's clouding my judgment].
She will have to get to know the real man when the novelty wears off. Let's hope she isn't disappointed.
Nothing you can say though, talking to someone with rose-tinted glasses is like trying to get through a drunk. And you may lose a friend.

JustSpeakSense Fri 28-Feb-14 16:11:32

I'd think that it's her life not yours to judge.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 28-Feb-14 16:15:04

Think he 'judge' comments are harsh.

Children in the house and a man of the Internet staying over...I may not say anything but hell yeah I'd judge. It's short sighted and too trusting.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 28-Feb-14 16:15:18

Sorry for typos....

MirandaWest Fri 28-Feb-14 16:25:31

I'd be concerned that things were moving too quickly. Hopefully it will all stay being lovely but I would be prepared for things going wrong and the friend potentially needing my support.

LiesDamnLiesandSoggybiscuits Fri 28-Feb-14 16:40:25

Hmmmm….I'm in a similar situation to the person the OP is posting about. My DC is a fair bit older but otherwise, yep, that's me!

If you knew me in RL you'd know I'm not shortsighted, not too trusting and don't think with my fanny. I've met someone that I enjoy spending time with and who enjoys spending time with me and after a bit of a shit few years it's nice to be happy.

My friends and family are genuinely thrilled for me which makes me even happier grin

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Feb-14 16:45:14

I think it's the word 'gushed' that is revealing in the OP LiesDamnLies smile I'm sure you've never gushed.

JohnFarleysRuskin Fri 28-Feb-14 17:00:13

"Treating a child as his own" after knowing each other six weeks?

She's an idiot, and I don't get this fear of judging some people have.

Cabrinha Fri 28-Feb-14 20:04:55

Well, he's quite likely just good enough with kids, as he's a father - which she's translating into "treats her like his own".
He may be making an extra effort with the child to impress the new girlfriend.

I'm a thoughtful type. Definitely believe in not rushing. My boyfriend wasn't off the internet, but he was only the friend of someone I didn't know well.

We took our two 4 year olds out for the day on about our 4th "date". He treated my child the same as his; meaning - he chased both round the park.

It was several more dates (actually, it was 6 weeks) including some with kids that I told my child that I was dating this man. So - still pretty quickly. He's only stayed once with her here, but that's cos we're both RP so time is scarce. But when he stayed, it was in bed with both of us. Me in middle, everyone in pyjamas.

I know some would judge. Hell, I'd judge! Or would have done, before I did it. Fact is, there's been no revolving door situation, I know my daughter's happy, and she understands that dating is a decision making process and that he may or not be permanent. To me, the problem is if you're expecting them to call a new man daddy every three months.

This woman might be an arse - or she might be someone who has seriously thought through the situation and made decisions based on her child's personality, like me.

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