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EA exH and social services

(8 Posts)
jayho Thu 27-Feb-14 17:50:55

I have been separated and divorced from my exh since 2010. He was extremely emotionally, financially and sexually abusive, none of which I realised until the relationship imploded and the police referred me to women's aid.

They were brilliant, the police were brilliant, mumsnet has been brilliant.

I have gradually pulled myself together and got out and built a life for me and ds's.

every step has been agonising and full of antagonism from exH.

To cut a very long story short, he has used every possible hold he has had over me to try and control me. The last was to stop paying maintenance for our children and forcing me into poverty. We had agreed that I would be a SAHM with them so I had given up my career and had two children at age 40 and 45.

However, I've turned it round, resuscitated my career and am now again in well paid employment. It means long hours and I'd prefer to be with my boys but needs must.

Since he 'lost' this last battle his approach has been to call social services to allege abuse. He's done it twice directly and once via the police; nothing found. He's then persuaded our gp and school on two separate occasions to make referrals; nothing found.

Social services have told me to take legal advice which I'm doing, the police are looking at a case for harassment but it will take time.

TBH sometimes I don't know how I get through each day.

Does anyone have experience of this (could do with hand hold) or advice on what I can do going forwards?

I think I need some support. I have no family close by and have an adult son with his own significant issues. My friends are great but we live in a small community and I don't want to jeapordise the boy's relationships with their peers.

Lweji Thu 27-Feb-14 17:58:42

No direct experience of these tactics, although exH is a prime twat and has often threatened to go to court over what he claims is me preventing him from contacting his son.

The legal processes have taken ages and seem to go nowhere and suddenly there's a call to go to court or a decision. It is frustrating.

But feel free to let it off steam here and consider your hand held.

KarenBrockman Thu 27-Feb-14 18:05:36

I think you will be ok as you have the support of agencies, be grateful you have their support.

jayho Thu 27-Feb-14 18:09:23

Thank you both, but I'm so tired, it's such a continuous battle.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Thu 27-Feb-14 19:15:14

My ex keeps doing this, my story is very similar and also involves my ex reporting me to the GP and the social - Its horrendous.

Just let them burn themselves out. Social workers are trained in domestic abuse and know full well when a woman is abusing her children and when she just has a malicious ex intent on causing trouble.

And yes, it's utterly exhausting.

I pointed out to social services that we have had 5 live in nannies and don't they think that they would have said something if I had been abusing the kids. SS know the score, and if they don't they shouldn't be in the job.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Thu 27-Feb-14 19:15:53

Reporting me to the school, not the social!

jayho Thu 27-Feb-14 21:59:08

Not you've helped me before, it's so rentless, I feel like I'm running out of steam...

SS were here for two hours tuesday and very supportive but the doorbell rang last night and I paniced, who is it? what do they want? what have I done? checked round the house to make sure everything looked ok. It was my neighbour with a piece of mail. I can't live like this.

jayho Thu 27-Feb-14 22:00:24

sw asked 'what do you think he wants?' and I said 'to destroy me'.

Felt like the biggest drama llama in history, but think I right.

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