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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

need someone to talk me out of doing something that will just end up hurting DS.

14 replies

BeerHunter · 27/02/2014 14:06

Decided yesterday to give it another go with DS Dad. Found out that night that he cheated Christmas 2012 when DS was 6 months old and we were trying for another baby. He has a feeling there could be more, as he has an inability to control his drinking and can barely remember sleeping with his colleague, whose wedding he went to. I am well rid, I know.

What is making it all worse is that my best friend knew but didn't tell me. I really feel I have no one to turn to.

Also to confuse matters further, he was driving my car yesterday, (he is insured to drive) and got clocked speeding. What do I do about that?

I want to go and punch said friend in the face and then kick him in the balls and never let him see DS again but I know that is completely the wrong thing to do. Please talk me down.

OP posts:

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dews · 27/02/2014 14:10

I can't make head nor tail of who is who.

Nothing to do about the speeding ticket. It will come and you will say he was driving and he has to pay.

Talk of talking you down sounds very immature and over dramatic since I assume the person you want to punch and kick is not sat next to you right now.

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itiswhatitiswhatitis · 27/02/2014 14:16

Ok the driving one is simple you just tell them he was driving.

With regards to your friend I can understand why you are angry however I will say that whenever people come on here to ask if they should tell someone their partner is having an affair pretty much everyone say "stay out of it"

Your friend isn't responsible for you OH behaviour and maybe she didn't want to be responsible for breaking up your family.

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Dahlen · 27/02/2014 14:51

I'm a bit confused but I think your anger/upset in this post is aimed at your erstwhile best friend and you're asking people to calm you down before you cut him out of your life because you think his absence will hurt your DS?

I'd say take some time to think about it. If one of my friends had withheld knowledge of my DP's affair from me, I would be hurt and it would affect our friendship. It wouldn't end it though, because I would understand why they didn't tell me and ultimately there would have been nothing to tell if the DP in question had kept it in his pants. Anger for that should be placed squarely on those responsible - the unfaithful partner.

The speeding fine is another matter completely. There is only one legally right way to deal with it and that is to wait until you get the letter saying "your car was recorded doing x speed...." and then fill in the box about other driver details. Remember Chris Huhne and Vicky Pryce.

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 27/02/2014 15:03

You're forgiving the guy who did it, (but can't remember,) yet don't want to forgive the person who knew he did it?

This is confused.

Are you getting back with DS dad then?

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Lweji · 27/02/2014 15:17

So, yesterday you were going back with him and today you want to stop him from seeing your son? Because of a speeding ticket?
Or did he tell you, after you decided to get back together, that he cheated on you and your friend knew about it?

I'd book an STI test, give up on him, and arrange regular contact times.

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Lweji · 27/02/2014 15:19

You should also talk to your friend about why she (?) didn't tell you about it. But consider what you'd have done in her place.

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MorrisZapp · 27/02/2014 15:25

I'm lost, sorry

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Onesleeptillwembley · 27/02/2014 15:31

You want to punch your friend? No wonder she didn't tell you. You need to grow up for your poor child's sake.

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Deathwatchbeetle · 27/02/2014 17:00

Well he sounds a right charmer. You are thinking of having him back??? Please don't pretend it is for your child's sake.

This man has such high regard for you that he shags right. left and centre and gets caught speeding in YOUR car. He cannot control his drinking either.

Wow, let me through ladies, this one is a keeper.

ffs.

Hopefully you are not THAT desperate for another baby with this or any other arsehole.

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Fairenuff · 27/02/2014 20:31

End it with him for good. He can still have a relationship with his son, you just need to agree access.

Stop blaming your friend for your ex's actions.

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Charlie97 · 27/02/2014 21:28

Confused.com! But hats off trying for another baby when first one was 6 months, I was still a sexual wreck!

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ThePinkOcelot · 27/02/2014 21:45

I'm sorry but I couldn't make head nor tail of your post.

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Hissy · 27/02/2014 21:49

Where is your self esteem?

Bin him, bin the friend, and show your ds how you value yourself more than these godawful people!

Don't think you'll hurt your ds by standing up for yourself and binning this twat. You'll hurt your ds far more by saddling him with parents that hate each other and have no self respect.