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How to stop friendship

(11 Posts)
Eddie123 Wed 26-Feb-14 21:06:11

I have known this person since we met in a baby group 5 years ago. We had both our first and second DC round about the same time. Up until our first DC started school last Sept we saw each other with our kids every week. Our common ground was our kids & we all enjoyed eachothers company. Since the DC started school there has been a weird change in the dynamic between us & I'm at a point where I don't want to see her anymore but I don't know how to cut ties with her. Her DD is at a different school and every time we meet now I get an onslaught of negative comments about my son's school (from what she has heard from her friend who is having problems with the school). My DS is not having any problems with the school, but when I say this she just keeps going on, highlighting the apparant shit bits (shit teachers, poor homework tasks, etc). She's so forthright in her opinion and seems to have no regard for how her slagging off my sons school may make me feel. In addition to this she is at pains to tell me when I see her how her DD is excelling at reading, swimming, gym etc etc. the gifted & talented register is mentioned for her dear 5 year old! I'm pleased her daughter is doing well but I find it quite boring & tend not to respond with how well my DS is doing. Passive maybe but I'm just not the type to talk about my kids in that way. I also feel we've hardly got anything in common these days generally, and I don't think my kids are overly fussed about seeing her kids anymore. I want to end the relationship but if I distance myself I know she will be confused and probably be a bit hurt as to why. There's also another friend who we meet up with who she's close to and who I really get on with - so this also complicates the situation a bit!

Queenmarigold Wed 26-Feb-14 21:11:51

I would laugh at it- gently- point out that competitive parenting is dull and not very nice; and the most important thing is that Dcs are happy, then refuse to get drawn into it further. She will either take the hint and shut up, or you'll have proof that you can distance yourself. She sounds horrible.

talullah57 Wed 26-Feb-14 21:16:13

Football Mum! Your son/daughter surely excels at something at his school. Smile sweetly, say 'must dash as got to get little Billy to extra maths tuition as school says he's a genius'. Can't stand football mums!

Eddie123 Thu 27-Feb-14 10:11:33

Bump!

SavoyCabbage Thu 27-Feb-14 10:39:35

Either tell her that you don't want to see her again or phase her out.

I ended a similar friendship. She was negative and controlling. She criticised everything from where I parked to how often I bought milk. After she shouted at me for driving to a carol concert when she thought I should walk, I took control. I stopped telling her things, I gave one word answers during cross examinations and stopped inviting her to things. And I said "no" a lot.

Smilesandpiles Thu 27-Feb-14 11:38:45

I don't know what to suggest as I'm having the same problem at the moment. All because of a stupid OFSTED report that means fuck all in real terms.

To top it all off, although DD is doing well, DS has SN so he is always being compared by people when they want their kids to shown as brilliant. That doesn't do him or me any good at all.

I'm just trying to ignore it all but it does get to you.

Eddie123 Thu 27-Feb-14 12:56:13

If I was brave I would confront her but I don't think we've got the kind of relationship where I feel comfortable telling her how I feel. I'm not sure she'd understand what my problem is, so maybe that says it all. I think I'm going to have to phase her out. I feel a bit guilty as she will be clueless as to why I'm distancing myself, and she'll probably conclude it's me that's got problems, not her! She texted me earlier telling me she'd like to drop a b'day pressie round for DD ....if phasing out what do you do about that kind of thing? Feels so tricky

Wrapdress Thu 27-Feb-14 13:02:15

As a mother of a boy, I found at that early school age it was really hard to be friends with mothers of girls. The mothers of boys hung out together and the mothers of girls hung out together. We did not mix. It was just easier.

Plus parents tend to think their school is the best thing ever and all other schools suck. Nature of the beast.

I would just let the friendship fade away gradually.

nerofiend Thu 27-Feb-14 14:12:47

When things get competitive and it's all about how my kids, my school is better than yours, it's time to let go. Personally, I'm at a point in life when I can't afford the ultra emotional conversation and explain my feelings, and the reasons for it so I'll gradually let go by not attending invites to parties or coffee anymore, or making them really spaced out so contact with this person does not take a lot of emotional input.

Some women have issues of their own that they need to resolve, but they prefer displacing them onto other people by getting competitive, and manipulative. Keep her at a distance.

Eddie123 Thu 27-Feb-14 18:57:35

Thanks for the advice. Anyone else been through this or something similar?

Eddie123 Fri 28-Feb-14 19:40:31

Bump again!

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