This is my second marriage - my first was when I was only 20 and only lasted a couple of years (no children) It ended due to an affair on my Ex's part.
I have now been married to 2nd dh for 12 years (together for 20 years) - I have always told him I would never forgive an affair. A few months ago I found some very explicit texts on his phone (He had been acting suspiciously with it so I looked) I also checked his computer and found he had signed up to some dating/affair websites - looking at his emails he also did this several years ago when the children were much smaller. I genuinely don't think he has actually acted on any of these (I can't see when he would have had chance) - He says he was just looking around - I have pointed out that if he was happy here, then he wouldn't need to do that.
We seem to have worked our way through it in that typical lets just no speak about it and pretend it hasn't happened !! - Terrible I know.
However I still feel really shaky in the relationship - I can't shake the feeling that it is only a matter of time before he does act on it and I get traded in for a younger model. I have had a couple of health issues (nothing major just high BP and some symptoms suggestive of peri-menopause) I'm awaiting some blood tests, but I think that has thrown things more into focus.
I have had a significant depressive episode in the past (following an ectopic pregnancy) and I can feel myself sliding down again - I'm not sure how much is hormones (defiantly much worse pre-menstrually) and how much is due to the situation at home.
He has always had a high sex drive - regularly watches porn and mastubates, I've never been bothered too much by him doing that as we still had a good sex life - but that seems to have declined too - I just can't see the point anymore.
I'm due to see the GP in a couple of weeks re the BP and I want to discuss the mood swings too.
Dh works long hours, and I run the business from home, so I don't have much contact with other people, we relocated here a few years ago for his job and I have struggled to make friends. He does very little round the house - I do cooking, cleaning, gardening, DIY, childcare, and run the business. So I do resent how little he helps and to be honest at the moment, I just can't see the point - I just want to tell him to pack a bag and leave.
At the moment the main thing which is stopping me is how devasted the children would be and the stigma of being twice divorced.
Thanks for reading this far
S
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Not sure what to do (sorry long)
6 replies
sally292 · 26/02/2014 11:12
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