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Need advice from merchant navy wives/husbands

(7 Posts)
Babycino81 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:04:31

Posting in relationships rather than forces section as I need quick responses if possible.

As not to drip feed, my current situation is this. Living with my parents as my house was two hours away and we couldn't sell it so rented it out and have a beautiful 5 month old DD. DH is keen to buy a house, as am I, however, here lies the problem. I, unfortunately want to live near my family which is expensive (think north London prices etc) and obviously we can't afford this. Therefore, I am looking at the nearest possible option. DH is looking at the other side of London, over an hours drive (with no traffic so God only know how long in traffic) two hours by train.

I cannot for the life of me get DH to understand how hard it will be to move somewhere totally out of reach of family and friends support. It's almost like a mental block, he keeps saying 'I need access to an airport' but doesn't factor in daily life with a baby and potentially me working full time in a job thy often requires working late at a minutes notice. My question is to othererchant navy wives, wwyd? Would you got for the house and move away from any help/support? How do you manage with babies/children being sick, taking time off work etc??? All help and advice appreciated and apologies for typos am on stupid phone!!

Babycino81 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:13:21

Shameless bump

firstpost Wed 26-Feb-14 11:16:34

Forces wife here smile

I would either live by my family or by my dhs base. To do neither would be the worst of both worlds.

Apologies if I have misunderstood baby crawling all over me at the mo!
Good luck smile

elfycat Wed 26-Feb-14 11:29:23

ex forces wife, now merchant navy wife what kind of man does 22 years in the army and THEN goes to sea??

I'm living away from my family but nearish to his usual UK port. DH works around UK waters only at the moment but is looking at other work possibilities.

We did try to sell up and move nearer my friends and family, but the house wasn't selling so after a year and with DD1 in school we're staying put. It is a bit difficult if he's away and I get sick (currently SAHM and OU student) as I have no back-up. I can cope if the DCs are ill by myself, though the chickenpox episodes at the beginning of the year pushed me to my limit and I squeezed the essay in to time that didn't exist.

I'm going to apply for a part time role over the summer and that will complicate things if child sickness hits again. You do have to be self reliant, and while I would never compare it to being a single parent having witnessed the difference it is irritating to be a co-parent and on your own at the same time.

Babycino81 Wed 26-Feb-14 12:27:07

Thank you for the replies. DH is currently away at sea so being by his base wouldn't be much use I'm afraid!! Elfycat you have my sympathies, 22 years and then off to sea?!??

elfycat Wed 26-Feb-14 22:17:54

Could you move somewhere between Luton and Stansted? Links to airports and straight roads down to London. Maybe a little further south - Hemel Hempsted was OK when I worked there a few years back and even Watford had nice bits.

DH asks how long are his trips away? The longer the time away the less voting/ veto power he should have - In his opinion.

Dh does 3 weeks on-3 off so I'm fairly OK with getting by for 3 weeks without him as anything mini-disaster can wait that long.

Sickandtired14 Wed 26-Feb-14 22:38:12

My ex was merchant navy, we didn't have kids but I could imagine. I also now live in East Finchley. The access to an airport seems like a funny reason... How often does he fly in and out? My ex did 3 months on, 3 off. Where I am now, heathrow is some 45 mins drive, hour or so by tube. Luton, stansted both relatively close for driving. Gat wick would be a pain, but that's the only one.

Him being away and family being a distance away would be a nightmare. Very lonely. I think your needs come first on this one. North London can be expensive, but it's worth it to have family and support close by

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