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Struggling today

(5 Posts)
Wonderingwhatcomesnext Tue 25-Feb-14 19:52:31

DH left last week. The main reasons we split are because he is lazy and selfish and his priorities don't seem to include me or our DD's. He also drinks a lot. He doesn't get abusive or violent when he drinks but he just seems to forget about his family. Basically he acts like he wants to be a single bloke only with the benefits of a wife and children at home. We have 2 DD's, DD1 is 4, DD2 is only 9 weeks.

My main worry before the split was how I would cope with both children. DD1 is in the middle of a difficult stage where she is constantly testing boundaries. DD2 is only very young so obviously needs a lot of care and attention and is still waking for feeds in the night. So I was worried that I would not be able to manage both children plus running the house on my own. However, I have actually found it easier in a way. Yes I have to do more because DH isn't here but I am not resentful any more at having to nag and wait for someone to help out. And I don't have to get mad because I am running round like an idiot while he sits on his arse and does nothing. So although it is more tiring, I am now doing it just for me and my girls so am happy to do everything on my own.

However, I wasn't prepared for how much I would miss DH and how lonely I would feel. Just little things like wanting to talk about my day or if DD1 does something funny, I have nobody to share it with. I know I have made the right decision and it has been a long time coming but I just didn't expect it to hurt so much. We have been together for 15 years and now he has gone, I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I know that he would come back in a flash if I asked him to and that makes it even harder in a way-I know I have to stay strong and see this through but all I want to do is ring him and tell him to come home sad Does anyone have any tips for getting through these first few weeks?

louby44 Tue 25-Feb-14 20:06:31

((Hugs)) it's horrible being on your own. Nights are worse for me when I turn the light off.

I know I made the right decision too but just need to work through it. Take one day at a time and get as much support from family and friends as you can

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 25-Feb-14 20:08:02

Surround yourself with people who care about you.

When I left my DS's Dad, he was 3. I found it so much easier as, like you, I just did everything myself and it was easier as I didn't expect a lazy person to help out.

It's understandable for you to have days where you miss him, 15 years is a long time and it also takes a while to get back to feeling 'normal' after having a baby.

Are there friends / family you can give a call to tell them how your day has gone? Take photos of your DD1 funny moments and email them to family or start an album with dates and funny things she does or says.

You seem very strong to do this and it does get easier. I now have a strapping 20 year old DS who adores his Mum! It's been hard but you adapt very quickly.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 25-Feb-14 22:01:45

Agree with the PP. What you're missing is companionship rather than him specifically. Call people for a chat, get out and meet friends, do whatever you have to do to fill all the down-time in your day and prevent yourself from wallowing. Stay busy and it does get easier with time.

babycow38 Tue 25-Feb-14 23:06:03

Absoltely agree, what you are missing is not "him" but that companioship, talking things over about the kids,even if he wasnt listening. This is my problem at at moment, i know i am very well rid, he had OW, blamed me,has said its all my fault we split!!! what i miss is not him exactly but somebody who when the kids have gone to bed you can phone, text, etc, my fam and friends think i should be over it by now, like ,come along dear, you have been sad for too long ,buck up!!

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