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Absolutely no sex drive at all, zilch, nada

(16 Posts)
nottonightIhaveaheadache Tue 25-Feb-14 19:27:45

Not sure whether to post this in here or in health. That's it really - I have come to the conclusion that I have absolutely no interest in sex. Not with DH or with anyone else, real or fantasy. I never masturbate, and if I watch something like a film with a sex scene in it I feel nothing. I never even look at other guys and think they are sexy or anything really. I am 46 and a bit overweight, I have a mirena fitted. I have wondered if it could be hormonal. On the other hand DH and I have had something of an up and down relationship the past few years and while I sort of thought we were moving I do see that this could be related. I am really reluctant to go down the counselling route, tried that and didn't find it helpful. But I wondered about some sort of sex therapist? Or any books I could read? Or is it worth seeing the doc to see if I could have some sort of hormone test? I am trying to lose weight and exercise to see if that helps, but DH still fancies me and makes it clear he wants to have sex, it's just me that doesn't want to. I know my constant avoidance is very disheartening for him and makes him feel rejected (When we do have sex, the actual sex is okay and I can usually orgasm, but I just feel mentally disconnected somehow). My Mum is 68 and in a new relationship, by comparison she is swinging from the chandeliers. I feel a bit embarassed at my lack of bedroom action. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a sex free zone, but on the other hand I just can't face it. Would welcome any thoughts from anyone else in this situation.

Benzalkonium Tue 25-Feb-14 19:31:12

I think mirena has form on reducing sex drive. I'm sure Someone will be Long in a minute to explain the hormones of it.

SuffragetteCity Tue 25-Feb-14 19:45:27

I had a Mirena for a few years and it really reduced my libido. I don't have a high sex drive anyway, but I noticed a huge improvement after I had it removed. Incidentally, I found it easier to lose weight without the coil, my spotty skin cleared up and my mood in general improved greatly as well. If I had known what a difference I'd feel I'd have had it removed a lot sooner. I know the Mirena works really well for some people but that was my personal experience with it. Never again.

nottonightIhaveaheadache Tue 25-Feb-14 22:07:37

Thank you, the mirena is something i had wondered about, a pity really as I like it in other ways (no periods etc). I feel reluctant to go to GP as I feel sure they will try to persuade me to keep it. Do you think sex drive is something GP's will be happy to discuss? I feel like they won't take it very seriously.

morchoxplz Tue 25-Feb-14 22:21:04

I am the same and I am coming to the conclusion it's the mirena. Love the 'no period' bit and not much over weight but I think my libido would improve without it. I spoil don't want to get pregnant though.

Joysmum Tue 25-Feb-14 22:39:28

I've not had the with the mirena.

I do think you need to go and chat with your GP unless your DH is happy to be committed to a monogamous, no a sex free existence for the rest of his life. If not, he needs to know you are looking for answers.

Thurlow Wed 26-Feb-14 13:20:05

I had this with the single pill. GP was happy to discuss it as it's a big side effect and not good for a relationship. Honestly, Tom Hardy could have walked in starkers and I'd have just offered him a towel.

Meddic Wed 26-Feb-14 16:01:02

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Benzalkonium Sat 01-Mar-14 01:13:18

Try to look at the leaflet which came with the device, and see if it cites low libido as an official side effect. If so, yes, discuss it with your gp. If not, you may find your gp fobs you off, so you need to go there with a concrete, decided request, not a discussion in mind.

TeaOneSugar Sat 01-Mar-14 07:35:47

Your local sexual health clinic will be able to advise you, and provide all the same options as your gp. Just another option.

pinkpaws Sat 01-Mar-14 12:36:10

Maybe what you need is not any of the above maybe you need a little romance you said yourself things in your relationship have been difficult . For most women sex is about an emotional connection as well as a physical one. Sometimes spending some time together when you both agree that sex is of the menu and you just hang out and enjoy each others company again, sparks a natural trade off and the desire for sex returns.

Stars66 Sat 01-Mar-14 12:42:20

How do you feel about your partner? Is it that perhaps you relationship has moved on to friendship rather than the 'I want to shag your pants off' now time?

PoirotsMoustache Sat 01-Mar-14 13:23:35

I think the Mirena coil releases the same hormone as Cerazette. I took Cerazette for a year, and by the end of that year, even the thought of sex was too much, let alone the act itself. Within a few weeks of stopping taking it, my sex drive was back in full.

Would you be willing to try being Mirena-free for a month or two, just to see if it makes any difference?

Kracken Sat 01-Mar-14 18:16:00

I had exactly this with the mirena, no sex drive at all and generally low mood. Had it out and after two weeks my sex drive was back AND I was much more cheerful! It was honestly a revelation, can't believe the difference. My GP was fine with changing it for a copper coil. Yes, periods are back but it's totally worth it as I feel normal again.

nottonightIhaveaheadache Tue 04-Mar-14 16:33:41

Hi all and thanks for your comments. I totally agree that we need more time together, I think that is part of the problem - DH works away from home all week, at the weekends he is tired and of course wants to see the DD's which is great but we don't really get any "couple time". I will talk to him about this, we had been talking about a weekend away but I think we need more frequent time together even if only for an hour or so. On the few occasions when we have had time by ourselves especially during the daytime we have had a great time (and great sex!).

Now that the DD's are older of course they go to bed much later as well so even the evenings are not our own. Sometimes we go to bed only a bit later than them. Perhaps we need to buy a lock for the bedroom door to give us a bit of privacy on a Sunday morning while they are watching TV. I have often wondered how people with older kids manage to have a sex life!

We've been together a long time so inevitably things have changed but I love him a lot and to be honest I still really fancy him. I have been wanting to talk to him about it but I am worried he will feel that it is something to do with him. Lately I have been feeling that even if Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp offered me a threesome I would decline. I guess I need to get my mo jo back.

Thinking about it now I definitely used to get that horny feeling around the time of ovulation, and now I have the mirena I don't know when this is as my cycle is all over the place. Of course the menopause could also be looming, I am 47 this year and my Mum had hers around 42. So I think I definitely will see my GP - I am due a smear so maybe they could take the mirena out at the same time. I will also step up the exercise as I have been feeling very fat and frumpy lately, I don't think that helps my self esteem and I think that affects how I feel too.

Anyway thanks for the comments, this is not really something I can talk about in real life, not really appropriate topic to bring up at work!

Benzalkonium Fri 07-Mar-14 22:27:31

Good luck!

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