Following the incredibly encouraging thread (that I now can't find) about what people have done AFTER leaving crap relationship - a list which involved lots of water, weight loss and nudity ) - I need inspiration for positive tiny things I can do BEFORE leaving, to make me feel less gloomy about spending 20 years with the wrong person.
My marriage is definitely over by mutual consent, but STBX and I are still under the same roof while we work out living arrangements, care of dc etc. When I have weekends without dc I will be surfing in the nude (metaphorically). But for now, who's up for a list of tiny achievable things for the STBNS (soon-to-be-nude-surfers) among us?
- deal with eyebrows and nails. - download a good book on kindle instead of watching meh telly at night. - step into the garden tonight and look at the stars. Take blanket and hot choc with slug of brandy in. - make list of what I'll do when stbx and I are living separately... and see what I can start doing now.
I don't have any Baileys, Trevor. On principle. Because I'd drink it by the pint. Trust me, brandy in hot choc is amazing!
The list is growing: Join a choir (and given that I can't go tonight, sing while I'm washing up) Get the cinema listings for local indie and book tickets with or without friend. Go out for a curry with my mates. (God, it's so sad how little I go out!)
Consider a gentle declutter so you don't drag everything from your STBXlife into your bright sparkling new one. Yes, definitely reconnect with friends and explore new hobbies/classes/habits/indulgences.
I recommend cinema alone! Just make sure you choose a sensible time. I was a lone cinema goer recently (literally, only person at late night showing) and it was rather too lonely. I am yet to go out for proper food on my own but you could do that. Must get such quick service when there's only one dish for them to sort! Jogging/swimming/anything active. If you get out jogging or cycling (if you've a bike) about now you can really enjoy it by the time the decent weather comes!
Good point, Giveme. I've been decluttering steadily for a couple of years now and am a veteran of the minimising threads on MN, but there is more to shift. I have 3 handbags in total and I don't like any of them, so I'm thinking about buying a bag that I LOVE to go with the amazing shoes I bought yesterday. (They are flat shoes, but gorgeous. I don't do heels and never will!).
About flirting. Main (but not only!) reason marriage didn't work is that I married someone of wrong gender when I was but a child. I'm terrified of the lesbian scene but would love a kind and clever girlfriend. Step 1 is to start living full, independent life. Parallel Step 1 is to get divorced and establish separate living arrangements. Step 2? Who knows...
Make plans to sell your wedding ring ASAP (if you have one) and/or all the jewellery that you don't wish to wear anymore and blow the money on something you WANT rather then need. Just indulge yourself. I bought a sexy pair of ankle boots and every time I look at them they make me smile. Enjoy your freedom, not much beats it!!!
The list is growing! I'm going to write it out and try to do one thing from the list every day.
I've told myself I don't have time for volunteering because I do paid work FT, but in truth, once I've got the kids to bed and cleared up, I just watch telly in bed. I could easily find a couple of hours a week to do something more life-enhancing.