Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Anybody not have any evening time friends? Even people that like me will only meet me in the morning!

(27 Posts)
jimmelina Tue 25-Feb-14 12:22:19

I never seem to have anything going on in the evening or at the weekend. I'm meeting some school friends at the end of March and I'm already looking forward to that. Another friend is home from America in May and I'm looking forward to that too. Sad huh!?

I recently tried to suggest to a coffee in the morning friend that we go out one evening and I was knocked back (politely!). She is still a person I would count as a friend. I haven't written her off because she won't meet me in the evening. I'm in my mid forties and I'm single. Then I saw on fb, comments on an evening night out she'd been on.

I don't know confused . Is this a first world problem? Am I just looking for that glamorous social life that we all believe everybody else is having?

What if anything can I do? I guess I need to take a few risks and get to know new people but where to start? I seem to be a square peg in a round hole and I don't understand why.

Is there anybody in similar shoes that can give me some good advice, or a different way of looking at things that will cheer me up.

Keepithidden Tue 25-Feb-14 12:33:01

How about exploring evening classes? Take up a hobby? Join a club?

All seem to be pretty good ways of meeting people and if you share an interest then that's a nice way to start new friendships.

I've got no personal experience of these by the way, just stuff that is frequently suggested on MN!

AliceinWinterWonderland Tue 25-Feb-14 15:27:07

If it helps any, I have some friends that I only get together with in the morning. But then, that's the only time I can get together with people either. I have two DCs, and one is disabled, so childcare in the evening is a no-go. My friends know that I cannot go out in the evening due to this.

They sometimes go out with other friends in the evenings, but I can't say I'm worried.

I second keepithidden's advice - get involved in other things and meet more people.

itwillgetbettersoon Tue 25-Feb-14 16:14:23

Sign up to "meet" - there are loads of social events going on. I'm also doing a little OD on an app called Tinder which is light hearted and fun. You just need to get out there - there are lots of us single people out there looking for new friends!

Joysmum Tue 25-Feb-14 16:20:24

I don't either. It's my fault because I've been so focused on family time I've made my life fit in round theirs so weekends and evenings are devoid. Weekdays aren't much better really because I feel like I ought to always be busy.

AmazingJumper Tue 25-Feb-14 16:38:19

Oh god yes me too! Plenty of people to meet up for coffee in the day, but nobody to trawl the bars with in the evenings. Grrrr grin

Jimmelina Tue 25-Feb-14 21:31:53

Thanks Joysmum and AmazingJumper, it's a relief to know that I'm not the only one in this situation.

I did do a night class last year and it was ok but everybody dashed off the second it ended.

I would like to join a book club. I would like to have the nerve to do OD, if nothing else it would make me feel content to be at home. I would think "oh phew, at least I'm not dating a lunatic" as I sit at home watching TV.

Jimmelina Tue 25-Feb-14 21:32:30

But seriously, I will make myself do an internet date this year, just to push myself out of my zone.

AmazingJumper Wed 26-Feb-14 08:00:28

The fact that online dating is 'out there' is what stops me feeling desperate. Like 'I could if I wanted to'.

BusinessUnusual Wed 26-Feb-14 08:02:58

Do your coffee friends have kids?

That night out might have been the one time she had a babysitter staying with her or something.

Jimmelina Wed 26-Feb-14 19:15:05

I know what you mean Amazingjumper! There's dignity (and sometimes loneliness, but not always) in not yet having gone down that path.

My friends with kids have a much easier time getting out than I do really. I'm the one that would have to get a babysitter. Oh well. I am going to try and organise a night out soon. If people suggest meeting coffee I'll say "as well, lovely"

thornrose Wed 26-Feb-14 19:21:33

I spend most all evenings at home.

I've just booked an Aqua aerobics class for tomorrow evening, alone, what am I thinking shock I need to get fit etc but I'm sneakily hoping people might have coffee afterwards or something!

I went out for dinner with my mum recently and there seemed to be tables full of women having a lovely time envy

chrome100 Wed 26-Feb-14 22:02:26

OP, you need new friends. You should not be spending every evening alone. I was the same as you and found that gradually my friends paired off and I was left behind. I made a big effort to join things - www.meetup.com is very good - through them I joined a walking group at weekends and made loads of friends with whom I could socialise with in the evenings/week as well.

I took up cycling and equally made new friends from that and see lots of them in the evenings too.

In short you have to force things a bit, put yourself out there, don't be afraid of rejection. I find Facebook invaluable. If I meet someone new that I like, I add them as a friend and make an effort to keep in touch. Through doing that I have got to know other people's friends and become part of their networks.

The more people you know, the more people you can get to know.

Good luck! x

Only1scoop Wed 26-Feb-14 22:09:03

I feel like you Op....I seldom seem to do anything in the evening. Sometimes I do some Ebaying or read. I think a book club sounds fab and some Internet dating....get some evening dates lined up for spring smile

thornrose Wed 26-Feb-14 23:32:08

I just joined my local Meetup.com, thank you chrome (sorry for hijack OP) there are so many things going on! So many people looking for friendship and nights out. I need to pluck up courage to go along to an event but it looks good!

talullah57 Wed 26-Feb-14 23:49:02

Have just been on meetup.com myself and booked into a course next Tuesday evening. It's called 'Happily Ever After' - there's hope haha! Looking forward to it!

lonesurviver Thu 27-Feb-14 07:01:15

Can you acutely turn up at the meet up event or do you have to register first
Not sure if I would fit??

NCISaddict Thu 27-Feb-14 07:09:56

I find this and I'm married! I'm late forties and have moved a bit since the children were small so have lost contact with the school gate friends. I work shifts so classes etc don't work but I would love to meet people to go out for a drink and a chat with. Kids are beyond the age of needing a babysitter.
I work quite a way from home so go out about once a year with work colleagues.
DH is always going out for a drink with work but he works in London so doesn't drive to commute.
Don't get me wrong, I love going out with DH but would like some of my own friends. I joined MN local but no one replied. sad
Any ideas anyone?

thornrose Thu 27-Feb-14 23:09:50

lonesurviver you have to sign up with meetup.com to see the details of the events. You then get emails letting you know about upcoming events and you can also browse meet ups.

Members say a bit about themselves and have a photo on their profile so you can see the people that attend the meet ups. You can read the messages between members too.

There are so many different groups I'm pretty sure you'd fit somewhere.

kaizen Fri 28-Feb-14 11:09:57

I started going to the same weekly classes at the gym, and always made an effort to speak to people. After a few weeks I plucked up the courage to ask if I could join at their table for coffee afterwards. I now always look for people doing the same thing and ask them over to join us. Ive been invited on weekends away etc since.

Joining a sporting club, like running or something, is a good way to meet others too. Or i just go to the local pub on my own, as there is usually someone to chat to in there (nothing gets between me and a drink at the weekend grin)

babyphat Fri 28-Feb-14 11:54:00

Oh man, so many things I would do in the evenings if I could leave the kids...cinema, swimming, Pilates, pub, learn to crochet course (rock on!). And any of those could be fun alone and also opportunities to meet people (well, maybe not cinema grin).

Not sure where you're based but I did a masters in the evenings at a local uni - there was plenty of drinking/dinners afterwards and made some lovely friends. I'd definitely recommend a book group too.

alwaysneedaholiday Fri 28-Feb-14 12:01:11

I don't think you should take it personally - I know loads of people (me included) who would far rather meet during the day. I am shattered by the evening, have loads of jobs to do and just want to relax in front of the TV.

You need some more party-animal style friends!

BeCool Fri 28-Feb-14 14:00:31

<asks delicately> do you drink OP? What are you like when you've had a drink?

I only ask as I will NEVER call my StepMum in the evenings - as she's always had a skinful and I don't like dealing with it. So I avoid her post 5pm. I always call in the mornings and all is fine.

Jimmelina Fri 28-Feb-14 22:34:23

Thanks everybody, glad I'm not totally unusual.

That wasn't very delicate BeCool. I won't bother to list my alcohol intake as you're not my gp and that is definitely not why I sit in every night.

People don't avoid me because there is something wrong with my behaviour or my personality or my emotional state. I think it's because I'm not one half of a couple.

As it turns out, in September I will be doing a ten week night course, not for pleasure, and not to meet people! kind of dreading it. OK, it's book keeping! Nobody does a book keeping course to meet interesting people so that takes away some pressure smile

I will make myself do an internet date before June.

NCISaddict Fri 28-Feb-14 22:39:17

I don't think people don't want to talk to me because I drink too much, I'm happy to meet for coffee too although wine is always good grin
I also don't think it's necessarily because you're single OP unless you only want to meet romantic interests. I would really like to develop a friendship circle but it's tough when you can't do regular classes.
I'm really not sure what the answer is, if you find out ,let me know!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now