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Ds is scared of MIL dp

(13 Posts)
Magix Tue 25-Feb-14 08:43:20

And tbh he's not to great with MIL herself either sad

He is 15mo and he will come round with MIL when she is in but will cry after me and dh if we are leaving him with her . He does settle quickly though . But if he sees her dp he just burst into tears , sobs and all ! sad

Honestly , the problem is ds just doesn't know them very well at all .

I had hoped she would realise and make an effort with him but she is too busy with her other DGS and her DPs DGD . On the rare occasions I will ask if she can look after ds , she always always brings her other DGS . Now , I try to just tell myself she is just encouraging a cousin relationship , however , she babysits my nephew a few times a week , plus every Saturday afternoon . She never takes my ds down on a Saturday afternoon for them to play together .

Anyway my point is that they barely have a relationship at all , my nephew and her DPs DGD stay overnight with them all the time , and my dcs will never get the chance of that kind of relationship because ds is scared of her dp and no one seems to think it's a problem confused

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 25-Feb-14 08:47:29

It's only a problem if you keep trying to force a relationship that clearly isn't coming naturally to anyone.

TheScience Tue 25-Feb-14 08:49:42

He's only 15 months, so not surprising that he doesn't want to be left with a man he hardly knows. Can't you try visiting as a family rather than trying to leave your DS with them?

Magix Tue 25-Feb-14 09:02:47

He doesn't get left with him only MIL , when MIL babysits she comes to out house (and brings her other DGS).

That's the thing though , I'm not trying to force a relationship , no one is . And that I think is why there isn't one sad

He's not like that with FIL he has a great relationship with him . And he doesn't see his DP much (but does see her more the MILs dp) and he's not scared of her .

TheBookofRuth Tue 25-Feb-14 09:15:00

Tbh I think babies sometimes just react like that. DD was like that with FIL and to a lesser degree his DW (still is really, though she's improved) but she saw more of them than she does of MIL and her DH, who she was fine with.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 25-Feb-14 09:15:21

If there's not a relationship, there's not a relationship. You can either keep pushing at a closed door, get all bitter about it and spoil your life or you can shrug your shoulders and spend more time with those that you have a better connection with.

mummytime Tue 25-Feb-14 09:20:44

At that age I used to burst into tears whenever I saw my lovely Aunt (which was fairly frequent). It wasn't her fault. I out grew it and we had a lovely relationship.

My Mum reckoned later it could have been because she and my Aunt looked so similar.

I am more concerned about the anxiety that comes over in your post. Do you have PND? Are you generally anxious about things? Is anything else worrying you? Are you feeling especially anxious over this relationship?

BTW no Grandparents have ever babysat my DCs (and the oldest is now 17) and they have a fine relationship with them.

Magix Tue 25-Feb-14 09:34:32

No I don't have anxiety or PND , this subject just winds me right up grin

It just bugs the life out of me that her other two infant dgcs have such a close relationship with her and my ds is getting left out all the time sad my dd was quite close with her but then when the other two were born (they were born weeks apart) she stopped going down as mil was busy with the babies . Now they are toddlers and I have ds now and he is catching up with them but she still can't make time for him . I know she sees them more then once a week , she sees my dcs if I'm lucky once a month . We al live within about a 3 mile radius so we all live near one another .

And now we are at a point where I cannot take ds to MILs because it's too stressful for him . It makes me so sad that he can't go to his grans sad

oscarwilde Tue 25-Feb-14 09:52:31

Hmm. You clearly state "on the rare occasion I ask". Then ask more. I think you are just resentful that there isn't a fair distribution of free babysitting to be honest. hmm

Sounds like your MIL has her hands full though as your SIL is clearly taking full advantage of having her mum so close by. He's 15 months, get a grip.

Why not ask her and her DP out for the day with you all as a family. No pressure to babysit a child that doesn't know them and an opportunity for your DD to see her grandmother.

Magix Tue 25-Feb-14 09:59:13

I wrote "on the rare occasion I ask" because I don't actually need her to babysit , actually . And SIL doesn't have DCs , it's my BILs DS that MIL always has .

Magix Tue 25-Feb-14 10:22:26

And actually even if that was the case , surely that's not fair ? Why should BILs dc and her DPs dgc take precedence over mine ? I don't think for a minute MIL would ever do that , she never has and I can never imagine her doing that . I get on really well with her I don't even think she really knows she's doing it . (Although it's glaringly obvious to everyone else , especially dh who I really feel sorry for in all this)

And I actually think I use the word actually far too much . Actually . grin

oscarwilde Tue 25-Feb-14 12:14:04

So if I'm reading this correctly your MIL seems do do an inordinate amount of babysitting of two toddlers? If you ask her to look after your DS (and DD presumably) then she will also bring other children along so has no one on one time with yours.

I actually feel sorry for your MIL. Actually. grin It sounds like she is doing a lot of childcare for quite young children. In her shoes I'd be actively avoiding any more even unconsciously.

Anyway - the main issue is that Mil's DP upsets your son. Does he have a funny moustache/specs/booming voice/large physical presence/smokers breath. Who knows why a small child might take against him. My DD has taken an actively dislike to my BIL as he insists on throwing her in the air as he did when she was a baby.

Give it time and try to see them both a bit more socially. He'll come around in his own time.

elmerelephant Tue 25-Feb-14 13:38:58

My son did this with my brother from about 15 months till he was 2, My DB is very tall and my son loved the idea of him coming to visit, but the huge reality of him freaked him out and he howled and wouldnt be in the same room. He grew out of it after he was 2.

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