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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support. please....i think he's emotionally abusing...

(12 Posts)
hollygolightly71 Mon 24-Feb-14 22:45:46

I really hope someone can help, i feel i have got myself into such an awful situation.
i met my partner almost 5 years ago. I fear he is an abusive, manipulative bully and i really need strong advice...
He threatened violence against my car...he actually smashed his own car windscreen in a fit of temper while we were arguing. He calls me slag, bitch, sly, cheat, (im now getting threatened with being 'dumped' because i tx my ex husband a pic of our children and a short caption telling him how they got on at a recent party)
He yells and screams at me down the phone in fits if jealousy or anger. He has started checking my phone everytime we are together.
He bought me a car a couple weeks ago..its in my name, i insure it and i need it for work. Hes threatening every other day he wants it back or he will torch it. IM genuinly scared at the moment. He has always been a bit volatile but these last two weeks he has really changed....i don't know what to do. Should i give him the car or not? I need it for work as in a mobile carer . I really don't know what to do or where to turn....sorry for the just all over the place. I have my kids with me and im worried about how far he may go...

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Mon 24-Feb-14 22:47:50

He's a fuckwit. You know what to do.

thenightsky Mon 24-Feb-14 22:49:33

Practically, if the car is your name, taxed by you, insured by you, then he has no claim on it. If he vandalises it, then your insurance will pay out and he will be treated like the random criminal thug he sounds like he is.

As for casting him out of your life, I wouldn't know where to start. I'm sure others will be along to give you advice along those lines.

CookieLady Mon 24-Feb-14 22:50:12

Didn't want to read and run. It's definitely abuse. Report him to the police. Phone women's aid for advice. You sound terrified.

I'm sure someone more knowledgable will be along shortly.
Sending you an unmumsnetty hug. x

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 25-Feb-14 06:17:04

I strongly recommend you contact Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 for advice urgently. Also call the 101 police number and ask for the domestic violence unit because that's what you're being subjected to. Tell the about the threats and aggression. What you're describing goes way beyond emotional abuse.

Don't give him your car and please stay safe

PeacesOfAte Tue 25-Feb-14 12:32:24

Do you live with him?

hollygolightly71 Tue 25-Feb-14 16:45:06

No, we don't live together. He lives very close though..2 mins up the road. I wouldn't ever live with him. Writing this thread last night and re -reading it has made me realise just how bad the situation has become. i didnt realise how bad it actually was until i read it back to myself...

Lweji Tue 25-Feb-14 16:50:13

I'd fully insure the car, then cut all contact with him and report threats to the police.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Tue 25-Feb-14 19:50:29

I think you definitely need to involve the police. Get it all on record. Ask for help and advice from their DV unit. Get the car fully insured as said upthread and end the relationship even if this means that you promise to pay him back for the car on the drip. If you are afraid of splitting with him face to face, go the sensible route and send him a text or email, telling him you think you are bad for each other and that you see no future with him. Don't go into details as he will use it to start a row, just repeat it like a mantra. If he threatens you in any way whatsoever, go back to the police. Any contact from him you are not 100% happy with, go back to the police. This way you can feel as protected as possible and get on with your life free of him. He sounds like a total knob! Good luck, do it soon.

HandbagCrazy Tue 25-Feb-14 20:29:42

Could you maybe sell the car and buy something else? If you're the registered owner then it's yours. And if you replace it then he can't have any claim on your new car.
Aside from that, if you have friends/family you can turn to, tell them what's happening and end your relationship. Get police involved if you need to. As you're afraid of him and have said you wouldn't ever live with him, this isn't a relationship, more a situation you feel trapped in.

dollius Wed 26-Feb-14 09:04:20

No, even if the car is in your name, you may only be the registered keeper. The person who paid for it can claim they are the legal owner.

Just give back the car and cut all contact.


hellsbellsmelons Wed 26-Feb-14 09:13:59

1st - call Womens Aid
2nd - call 101 number police. Explain what has happened and let them know you are terrified he might do something. They will make you a priority if you call and attend quickly if he shows up and is threatening.
3rd - get some real life support. Do you have friends and family close by? Tell them what is happening and they can help you.
4th - send him a text. This isn't working for you and you don't want anymore contact with him. You will keep the car in the short term but will save for cheaper car and let him have this one back when you can.
5th - Look after yourself and your kids. Eat what you can. Banana's, smoothies, soups, sugary tea.
From the sounds of it he won't go quietly so your main priority is safety and the police and womens aid can help you with that.

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