What is the best way to go about getting relationship counselling?

[MargotLovedTom]

I'd really appreciate some advice. Things are really shit at the moment, and have been up and down for a while. I'm starting to think that we would really benefit from some relationship counselling - is it a simple matter of looking up the Relate number and booking an appointment?

I'm also a bit concerned about the cost, if it's really expensive for a course of sessions I'm not sure we could afford it?

I'd appreciate any advice re.Relate, or any other organisations people may be able to recommend.

[MargotLovedTom]

Lots of 'really' and 'appreciate' in there.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Define 'really shit' a little? If there's any bullying or controlling behaviour involved, it's usually not advisable to seek joint counselling. If it's just a communication breakdown, counselling could work provided everyone involved is committed to making improvements and accepting change.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

You can just call Relate and make an appointment. It is well worth the money, you pay per session (no big financial commitment upfront). And believe me, if you are living together, married or children are involved, it is much cheaper than splitting up.

Good luck OP.

[MargotLovedTom]

Yes - communication breakdown, bickering, arguing over petty things, drifting apart, lack of sex, difficulty with resolving conflict (e.g. We haven't been speaking since Saturday, I'm just feeling completely disinclined).

I've been looking at threads on the Relationship board and thinking You know, I can't find one that relates to our situation. There's no emotional, physical or financial abuse. I think we're just a couple married for ten years with three dc and we've lost our way with eachother. I agree Dione, splitting up would be devastating and expensive all round so I want to stop the rot now.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Is he interested in the idea or does he think there's nothing wrong?

[JaceyBee]

Relate aren't the only providers of relationship counselling. You'd be just as well to find a private therapist who is trained to work with couples too. It won't be more expensive, they probably won't be a waiting list and their training will likely be more comprehensive. Relate do 'in house' training and IMO it leaves a lot to be desired.

Look on the BACP website, preferably for someone who is an accredited member as this means they are experienced, then make contact and go from there.

[MargotLovedTom]

Cogito I haven't mentioned it but I reckon he'd be okay with it if it's what I wanted to do. It can't do any harm although I suppose we'd both have to be prepared to hear some uncomfortable home truths.

Thanks Jacey I'll have a look at the BACP site.