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Trapped. Too skint to leave even with a job.(27 Posts)
I am very slowly coming to terms with the end of my farce of a marriage.
I posted here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1965271-I-think-I-am-the-only-person-in-the-entire-world-who-does-not-want-sex
I thought I had some kind of plan and have been trying to research making it work but am devestated that its not going to work. Financially I am trapped and I cannot see a way out. I think I am going to have to stay and shut up and put up with his sexual antics.
I have been trawling jobs (as I am a sahm/student) and the maximum I can see myself earning is £15000 a year. That equates to about £1000 a month take home pay.
A shitty 2 bed flat in scumville of the town I need to move to start at £650/700 a month before any bills, food, petrol/bus fares to get to work/school/college. I also have 2 teen dc.
As far as I can see once I get to £16000 I wont get any benefits so even if H pays maintenance for the kids I cannot see a way to make this work.
I feel so sick. I cannot make it work all I can do is carry on in this farce of a marriage and pretend it will all be ok.
Have any other SAHMs managed to get out and survive financially?
Have you talked to CAB about all benefits you'd be entitled to, including housing benefit (or whatever it is called now) and have you included maintenance he'd have to pay?
Council tax may also reduced.
I think you need more urgent help to get into your own place than waiting until you earn enough money. Second the advice to consult CAB. A friend of mine presented herself and DS to her local authority housing department as homeless (not due to domestic abuse but for other reasons), was allocated a place in an admittedly grotty emergency accommodation for a few months but then fast-tracked into a brand new 2-bed house. Her PT job at the time qualified her for Tax Credits and various other help. She never looked back
Can you start off the job hunt now as you could build up some savings for a few months while you make your exit plan?
I would make sure you chat to advisors as I expect you will find it is more doable than you think
Also, I've lived in a 'shitty two bed flat' iand its actually fine, I would rather live there on my own that put up with awful treatment to live somewhere 'nicer'
If you have savings of between £6K & £16K this will affect how much housing benefit/council tax benefit you received - if you have more than £16K in savings you won't be entitled to any of those benefits. But you will still be entitled to working and child tax credits. Any maintenance you receive makes no difference to any benefits you have.
Have you been on the Entitledto website?
And you say even if he pays maintenance - what makes you think he won't. Is he self employed?
Don't forget that benefits calculators like Entitledto don't show housing benefit, which can be substantial -- depending where you are, it could pay most of your rent. Get some more information before you panic! Go to the website for your council, they should have a housing benefits calculator on there.
Also your university may well offer family accomodation and even if they don't they have a charitable fund to help people in situations like yours, the criteria usually involves if it is affecting your studies or may stop you from studying iyswim.
So they could help with deposits for rent etc. food for you and dc
If you are suffering from abuse this will also push you up the housing priority list. The rent on a council house will be so much cheaper.
If you cut your hours to p/t your tax credits will also go up. You will get CB plus additional allowances from the university for being a single parent.
I left and moved into a private rental property (Â£750 a month) with a p/t income of around 1k a month and was entitled to some HB (about Â£250 a month iirc) and around Â£400 a month tax credits. Plus maintenance, which doesn't count as income for benefits purposes.
I did eventually get equity from sale of house which enabled me to buy, but if I'd had no equity I would have carried on claiming HB.
I found it tight but perfectly manageable.
Where did you get the Â£16k figure from? I earn Â£24 k a year now and still get some tax credits.
You can earn up to £32 000 per year and still get tax credits if you have 2 children. This does not include any maintenance that you are entitled to. Get proper financial advice rather that trying to muddle your way through the system yourself. You don't want to be in a situation where you could of left but didn't as you panicked about wrong conclusions you have drew.
You will still get benefits.
This is how it stacks up for a friend of mine (I think I am pretty confident its correct.)
Salary 485 pcm 16 hrs per week @7.00 p/h
WTC and CTC 780
HB 511 pcm (paid 4 weekly)
CB 134.80 Every 4 weeks
she pays 680 rent pcm
She has 2 children and doesn't get any child support which she would be able to keep if she did, without it afffecting any other benefits.
She has no capital.
WTC and CTC are 4 weekly but I put it as 780 pcm
You need proper benefits advice. You are misinformed about the £16k limit. Have you done your research?
Are there any assets from the marriage? Savings? Equity in an owned house? Does he have a pension? Did you give up work to raise the kids?
Thank you for replying and sorry I have taken so long to get back on here.
I have had a day of most wallowing in my self pity.
I did make it to the CAB but didnt feel I gained much tbh.
My situation isnt typical and I do have a lump sum in my name (because I am not currently a tax payer) but it was actually DHs money originally. In some ways the money is a hindrence because it prevents me from claiming benefits but I could use it to set myself up initially but have been advised by the CAB to get legal advice with regards to doing this first.
Despite everything H has done I feel cruel and grabby using this money for my own needs.
I am an absolute wreck at the moment. I think I have entered my lowest ebb since all this started on 12th January. Today (half term from college) I spent the morning lying in bed wanting to cry but no tears would actually come. Then when I eventually forced myself up and went to my local shop for milk I found myself in tears beyween the bacon and sausages.
I am really struggling with dealing with all of this emotionally and practically. For some reason I feel ashamed and embarrassed and am struggling to discuss this with anyone in RL. My best friend knows and I am off to my home town tomorrow to stay with my parents and spend all day Wednesday with my friend.
Rent somewhere using the savings, claim what you can.
File for divorce
Assets and maintenance sorted out, divorce over.
Rent or buy using your finances after divorce. Plus any benefits etc you are entitled to. You worry about this bit after the divorce.
In the meantime, ask the uni for help if you need it.
It's not his money it's your money too. If he doesn't like it, maybe he could move out as he won't have the dc to rent rooms for. That's his options.
Tell people, it's amazing how helpful they can be.
If the money isn't actually yours could you put it in your children's bank account instead - won't affect your benefits then.
Just wanted to say that I earn 21k and get tax credits and housing benefit. I have 2 young children. My outgoings are only covered by about 10 quid by my earnings!
I finished my degree and it hasn't really helped my prospects. I am working with people that have gcse standard of education or less. I hope that the more experience I get the more use the degree will be. The job market is not kind atm though. I am in a zero hour contract care role... with a psychology degree. What you study is important too.
So your DH is using your tax status to rest 'his' money. Hmm...it's either your money (prob part of marital assets) or he should have it in his name and be paying tax on it. If you have £16k in savings then you should spend this rather than claim benefits at this stage. Seek advice on benefits situation.
I think a solicitor may be your next step.
You need solid financial advice, and not to second guess, its distorting your thinking and planning.
Don't transfer any money back to him though.
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