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Pregnant, unhappy and feeling trapped

(3 Posts)
Biffle Mon 24-Feb-14 00:29:29

Sorry if I ramble but I am really unhappy and can't talk to anyone in RL about this. I am 5 months pg and love my OH to bits. Baby was planned and very much wanted but I find myself feeling more and more unhappy and trapped.

He lives / works away all week and comes home Fri-Sun each week. Every afternoon through to bedtime he drinks. Averaging around 10 pints plus 1-2 bottles of wine. My dad died of alcoholism and my step dad is a recovering alcoholic so I have some pretty major issues with drink. I have tried talking to him about this but he can't see / won't acknowledge the problem.

In addition to (perhaps because of) this our sex life is atrocious. It doesn't help that I have a high sex drive but he just isn't interested at all. When it does happen it is almost like he is doing it as a box ticking exercise.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 24-Feb-14 07:03:20

It's a pity when you love someone to bits and they don't reciprocate. It's a pity he's an alcoholic but you didn't cause this and you can't cure it. If he doesn't even acknowledge there's a problem then nothing's going to happen, you'll be left literally holding the baby (he wouldn't even be able to drive you to a hospital) and your baby is going to grow up with exactly the same miserable experience you had.

Why do you feel trapped, however? You have options other than to stick around being ignored, rejected sexually and watching someone drink themselves into an early grave. Do you work? Have friends? What's holding you back from simply walking out of the door to a better life?

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 24-Feb-14 07:14:25

Biffle,

What Cogito wrote.

The 3cs re alcoholism:-
You did not cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it

There is no future in this and your as yet unborn child does not need an alcoholic dad. Growing up in a household with an alcoholic parent/s does that child a great deal of emotional harm. You had both an alcoholic dad and stepfather and have been thoroughly harmed emotionally by the whole experience. That damage continues to this very day with you. Its not altogether surprising therefore that this man you've been in a relationship with is also an alcoholic. Its all you've ever known in men.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

I bet you also tried talking to both your dad and stepfather and that got you nowhere either, its the same this time around too with this person. You cannot make them see that they have a problem. You are too close to the situation to be of any real use or help to them and besides which this man does not want your help!.

I would read up on co-dependency and read a book called "Codependent No More" written by Melodie Beattie. I write that as co-dependency often features in such dysfunctional relationships where alcoholism features.

You cannot help him but you can help your own self most certainly by getting out.

I would also suggest you contact Al-anon as well if you have never spoken to them till now.

Your child deserves a better life and so do you.

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