Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you ever go back to someone who....

(137 Posts)
curiousgeorgie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:39:34

Held you down in bed and poured water all over your face?

My very close friend did this to his gf this morning and (of course!) she has walked out..

She is absolutely amazing. Takes care of his kids more than he does, embraced us all as family, is generally fantastic and we love her.

He wants her back... Is devastated and seems sorry. We're advising him massive apologies and much grovelling... It's a lost cause right?

ilovemydoggy Sun 23-Feb-14 23:40:37

Why did he do that? Was it meant to be harmful or playing?

Innogen Sun 23-Feb-14 23:41:03

Dear god no. If that was in attempt to physically intimate her, if never go back.

Sortyourmakeupout Sun 23-Feb-14 23:41:28

Lost cause.

Innogen Sun 23-Feb-14 23:41:37

Unless he was play fighting, and she took it badly? I'd have poured right back in that case.

VelmaD Sun 23-Feb-14 23:41:54

Oh dear god, please please dont try and get this woman to go back to your friend. To do that is unacceptable. It is truely abusive behaviour, and there is a reason water boarding is a torture form.

Let the woman have her life back.

Get your friend to be single and get some counselling.

curiousgeorgie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:42:24

She usually gets up in the morning and sees to the kids on the weekends (an angel I know!!!), but she didn't, so he did it.

We are all ridiculously pissed at him and totally on her side but is there any way back?

anapitt Sun 23-Feb-14 23:42:52

why did he do that ?

holstenlips Sun 23-Feb-14 23:42:59

That is hideous :-(
Hope she's ok

fortyplus Sun 23-Feb-14 23:43:09

Did he do it because he was angry or was he trying to be funny? Either way, he's an arse, but if he was just trying to be funny I might forgive it as a one-off if he absolutely grovelled.

anapitt Sun 23-Feb-14 23:43:43

cross posted. what does he have to say for himself ?

AnyFuckerHQ Sun 23-Feb-14 23:43:45

You are condoning this, right ?

Why don't you tell your "very close friend" he is an abuser and to fuck off to the far side of fuck and leave his partner alone ?

Sortyourmakeupout Sun 23-Feb-14 23:44:12

So he did it to get her out of bed to attend to the children?

VelmaD Sun 23-Feb-14 23:44:23

So his girlfriend wanted him to deal with his own kids and took a stand for herself and he punished her?

Any reason why his previous relationship failed?

He sounds like an arsehole.

curiousgeorgie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:44:24

Absolutely not!!! We screamed at him!!!

fortyplus Sun 23-Feb-14 23:45:07

xp - because she didn't get up to the kids??!! shock
She should follow the age old mn advice of tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck and when he gets there fuck off some more angry

AnyFuckerHQ Sun 23-Feb-14 23:45:48

By trying to persuade him to apologise and giving him the expectation that is anywhere near enough then yes, you are condoning it

The only sane response to him here is "you wrecked your relationship forever, get some help and leave her alone"

curiousgeorgie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:46:25

I told him he can't fix it. I feel terrible for her.

waltermittymissus Sun 23-Feb-14 23:47:11

Screamed at him? But then told him to grovel!

Tell him to leave her alone and let her have the chance of happiness with someone who is not an abuser.

You're not on her side if you're not telling this vile creature to stay the fuck away from her.

AnyFuckerHQ Sun 23-Feb-14 23:48:17

No, you advised him mucho apologies and massive grovelling (in an attempt to get his partner back on board)

have the courage of your convictions

or condone it

you can't have both

CocktailQueen Sun 23-Feb-14 23:51:19

So the kids aren't hers.
She gets up at weekends to look after them.
One day she didn't and her partner poured water on her.


She should leave him.

He needs to grow the fuck up, look after his own children and stop assaulting people.

How he can think that is right or acceptable on any Level is beyond me.

Entitled Tosser.

FreeLikeABird Sun 23-Feb-14 23:51:45

Disgusting behaviour, was he angry when he done this?

If she always gets up with the kids at the weekends could he not have just let her have a day off?

Sounds like a total bullying prick if you ask me, no I wouldn't go back, who does he think he is.

curiousgeorgie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:55:47

We said he's ruined it. But yes, he turned up at my house on a happy Sunday with my children here crying and shouting and in an effort to calm him down said apologise, give her space but grovel, you're so in the wrong, you did a hideous thing.

I absolutely don't condone it!

It was a shock and he was hysterical in front of my 3 year old...

I feel awful, absolutely awful for her. We made them both godparents to our baby sad we love them... She's seriously the best person we've ever known him to be with. I can't believe he did it.

I called her to check she was okay and she said she would come over, but obviously he was here and I said I would tell him to go but she hung up ...

NonnoMum Sun 23-Feb-14 23:55:49

This is so depressing...

Does he treat his kids abusively too? Or does he merely neglect them and hope that someone else deals with them?

curiousgeorgie Sun 23-Feb-14 23:57:56

And I do not condone it at all.. I think it's ridiculous to say that..,

No one has screamed at him more than me today.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: