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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Why does this bother me??

19 replies

wildwest · 23/02/2014 19:37

I split up with my boyfriend new years day. About four weeks ago we bumped into each other in town and ended up spending the night together. He didn't text me afterwards which I told him was a bit shitty. I told him I didn't think we could be friends and didn't want to be his FWB. Asked him to delete my number. Saw him fri night in town and I was with a friend who is super flirty. I was a bit drunk, gave him a hug and told him to stay away from my friend. Anyway, sat am I text him to say sorry for being an idiot - which he ignored. Asked why he was ignoring me - which he ignored. Went out sat night and I'm such a twit I messaged him to say I couldn't believe he was ignoring me, it was hurtful and childish (and some other embarassing things). Messaged him today to apologise - nothing. This afternoon he's blocked me from facebook!

I know I sound like an idiot and need to move on but he was the one who gave the long speel about wanting to stay friends. Now he wants nothing to do with me?? I feel so hurt. Plus we are totally going to bump into each other again and now it's going to be worse awkward than it already was! I've been so good and not been in touch and this is the first time I've messaged. Why would he ignore me after saying how much he likes me and he wants us to stay friends?

OP posts:

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Helltotheno · 23/02/2014 19:47

My guess is he wanted to get in your pants at that time and told you what would guarantee he did. If you didn't know whether it would lead to getting back together, you probably shouldn't have bothered.

You texted him far too often giving him grief and in his position, I'd have done the same as he did. But that doesn't mean he's not a twunt, just that if you had something to say, you were better off saying it in person, not bombarding him with texts, FB msgs etc.

You can do nothing now but hold your head up high, completely ignore him and move on. Whatever you do, don't go back for more.

Logg1e · 23/02/2014 19:50

Perhaps he wanted to be on friendly terms, but he didn't want the drama and the text messages and the "stay away from her"s?

wildwest · 23/02/2014 20:08

I know I shouldn't have messaged. I just couldn't believe he was ignoring me and couldn't help myself! I'm definitely moving on. I just think it's such a mean thing to do. Is never treat anyone like that. I didn't think he would ever treat me like that.

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 23/02/2014 20:10

So, you split up.
Then you slept with him.
He didn't call you (why should he?)
You said you didn't want to be friends.
You're drunk and embarrassing when you see him out,
You message him FOUR times with "why are you ignoring me?" nonsense, and now...
You wonder why he doesn't want to be mates?
Hmmmmmmm...

I mean this nicely but, you need to get done dignity. Honestly - I've sent the odd embarrassing post break up text myself, so I don't want to sound mean. I've regretted not keeping my dignity by the way!

So what if you see him out? He's not your friend. I see 100 people every time I go out, and don't speak to them. He just becomes one of them.

Paloma12 · 23/02/2014 20:11

You're not moving on if you are texting him over and over. You need to respect yourself. Don't contact him again - ever.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 23/02/2014 20:12

Yeah, I would probably do the same in his position. All the texts have probably made him think you're a bit mad to be honest. You need to move on and he's probably done you a favour in cutting contact.

VoyageDeVerity · 23/02/2014 20:19

I think it must feel totally shit and I'm sorry.

But he really has played you. Just leave it now, it's do fucking hard but just leave it.

Logg1e · 23/02/2014 20:22

Has he done something wrong Voyage?

VoyageDeVerity · 23/02/2014 20:23

Er yes, gone for one last fuck then ignored her.

VoyageDeVerity · 23/02/2014 20:24

Bullshit about wanting to stay friends to get her back into bed

Logg1e · 23/02/2014 20:26

But we don't know why they split up, we can presume she wanted to have sex too, and I think we'd be advising anyone posting here to ignore an ex who has behaved like she has.

kalidanger · 23/02/2014 20:26

I'd be more annoyed with myself for giving up the last word than with him tbh

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 23/02/2014 20:28

Hmm, I've had it that someone said they wanted to still be friends but then ignored me. I was not bunny boilerish either, I just mean that prior to this conversation he'd be very chatty on facebook chat/skype IM, asking how my day was etc, as soon as I said let's not sleep together any more he was all OK, sure, let's still be friends but then never so much as said "hi" again.

Although, having reread your OP, you said you didn't think you could be friends and asked him to delete your number, but are now feeling all hurt that he decided to, er, not be friends and delete you from facebook?

MostWicked · 23/02/2014 20:35

You asked him to delete your number then you harass him because he ignores you.

Walk away, never contact him again, have some self respect.

wildwest · 23/02/2014 20:48

Oh, bit harsh. I know I've been an idiot - so thanks for pointing that out! I said we couldn't be friends because we can't stay away from each other, I still have feelings for him and I didn't want to just become his FWB. This was explained. He said that was a shame but he understood. I know I shouldn't have text him. I do have respect for myself - It's the first time I've done anything crazy like this with him. I'm just shocked he's been so extreme. He could have just replied 'ok' or 'you've annoyed me' or whatever saturday and I wouldnt have messaged again.

But you are right. We aren't friends. It shouldn't matter that he's ignored me but I still feel hurt!

OP posts:

LEMmingaround · 23/02/2014 20:51

" Why would he ignore me after saying how much he likes me and he wants us to stay friends?" Because he was talking with his cock - the danger is, he will do this again and you will fall for it - block HIM from facebook and ignore him when you are out and retain your dignity.

Twinklestein · 23/02/2014 21:34

I reckon he can't be arsed with the hassle of someone who still has feelings for him.

The friends line was bollocks anyway, it's what you say when you want to split but don't want to look like an arsehole.

hermionepotter · 23/02/2014 21:45

Many people have done 'sex with an ex' at some point - never a great idea. Be kind to yourself, put it behind you and move on. It doesn't matter what he thinks, just be serene if you see him again (think Mona Lisa) don't talk to him Also - delete his number etc so as you're not tempted to contact him again.

bellablot · 23/02/2014 21:50

Get a grip. Stop texting him. He obviously just wanted a shag. Fact. No, maybe he shouldn't treat people like this but stop letting the fucker!

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