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Friendship problem

(15 Posts)
Needtosleep1000 Sun 23-Feb-14 17:46:17

A few years ago we went through a very bad patch in life and I'd say pretty much all our friends bar one fell by the wayside.

As you can imagine, she is a valued friend : friend A
She is still friends with the people who let me down, and while I hear about them from time to time, I felt settled enough about it.

Recently, my DH insisted on inviting some friends of his to a BBQ we had.

The wife of this couple (friend B) met A and they have become good friends now and organise meet ups without me.
It hurts, more than it should, and I think it is because of the history with friend A and the "old group" and everything that happened.

I feel that B might not want to be my friend but does want to be friends with A which written down does sound rather immature.

But I think that feeling is coming from this old history because the group wanted to be friends with A and not me and they were a group of friends from our twenties, many years ago, when I was less mature.

I think it is also hurting as recently we have been through another bad patch and A has been the only one who has been there for me.

I just needed to write that down. It actually feels like to me that this upset about A and B is actually stemming from other stuff : being let down by the "group" in the past and then having moved on, again being let down by the newer friends I had made.

Maybe I just need to recognise what a lovely friend A is and that actually people do let you down, but you only find a handful of true friends in life.

Logg1e Sun 23-Feb-14 17:52:29

Do you feel bad or ashamed about the way you behaved in the past, when you were less mature?

Needtosleep1000 Sun 23-Feb-14 18:00:23

No not consciously - interesting if that is that what it comes across as.
It's hard posting on a public forum but it was a really bad life event and then another that happened, rather than anything I did, that people found hard to deal with.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 23-Feb-14 18:06:25

You have been 'Wendied'. It's a 'thing'.

Logg1e Sun 23-Feb-14 18:09:28

I don't think it was coming across strongly, I was hunting around for the cause of the conflict you're feeling around something that's not normally an adult issue.

It sounds as though Funky might have more insight than I can offer...

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Sun 23-Feb-14 18:16:51

I can't see anything in your OP that points to you behaving badly or acting immaturely. I think that is a mean thing to say.

You should see it as confirmation you have a goof friend in A that other people want to be friends with her.

Logg1e Sun 23-Feb-14 18:18:46

Toffee I was picking up on this comment from the OP, "they were a group of friends from our twenties, many years ago, when I was less mature".

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Sun 23-Feb-14 18:57:07

I missed that, Logg1e.

Logg1e Sun 23-Feb-14 18:58:00

Do you think it was still a mean thing for me to say then?

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Sun 23-Feb-14 19:04:03

No and if I was in my right mind I would have apologised already.

Sorry.

eddielizzard Sun 23-Feb-14 19:05:09

i think there is too little info to diagnose wendy just yet...

are there any misgivings about friend a that you haven't told us? is it possible she is turning others away from you?

seems to me like she is a good friend, but you've had several experiences of other people liking her but not you (sorry, that is soooo blunt). so either it's to do with you, or it's to do with her. really objectively, what do you think it is?

Logg1e Sun 23-Feb-14 19:05:22

No problem, I was just checking I wasn't out of order.

AnandaTimeIn Sun 23-Feb-14 19:11:41

Yea, sometimes friends meet through you and develop their own friendship. It happens, it's life.

You can't control who your friends are friends with and what they do in their own life, meet up without you.

I wouldn't stress about it.

I personally love it when two friends meet through me.

I have a very old and good friend who I love dearly. Years ago she met someone through me and they are firm friends now.

Yes well, this other friend phones my friend every day - thank God that's not me!! (would drive me spare, she is quite neurotic....).

Needtosleep1000 Sun 23-Feb-14 19:28:47

Thanks all
I think I was being over-sensitive

I will take it as confirmation of A being a good friend and also put it down to one of those things that you can't control : good suggestions. Thank you

I'll also try to work on being friends with B.

Just needed an external opinion, much appreciated

eddielizzard Sun 23-Feb-14 19:33:01

needtosleep, also don't take it to heart. i bet it's nothing personal.

i know i'm not an easy person to like. i tend to have a few long term, close friends but don't make friends easily. it often happens that people i meet are more friendly with my friends than me. it does hurt, but also the flip side is that i don't have a huge amount of spare time, so it works out really. i struggle to maintain the friendships i do have!

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