Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Moving on..

(4 Posts)
buttonortwo Sun 23-Feb-14 15:43:32

Following divorce and then disastrous relationship which took me a long time (far too long) to walk away from, I'm starting to 'come out of the fog' not be agitated etc, getting over it, or at least feel I can, which I didn't before.. Anyone else feel like they are having to learn things again? Does that sound ridiculous? Social interactions, how to do your job etc
I've lost a lot of confidence, almost broke down, well have but somehow have managed to come through without too much damage on the outside.. No time of work, ds happy, bills paid..
I just want to feel ok, need to learn who I am.. Again.. Need to learn how to like myself.. Again.. Despite mistakes.. I just want to know I'll get there, probably sounds pathetic but need reassurance from those who have been here...

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Feb-14 16:00:26

It's the fact that you've been through the mill and are still there in one, albeit slightly shaky, piece that you should keep hold of as a confidence-booster. My friend who has more daft sayings than Clinton Cards would tell you 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and I think she'd have a point.

This is the exciting part, actually. The fog has lifted, you've done the disastrous rebound (been there, got the t-shirt), you're feeling calmer and now is the time to grab life with both hands and do whatever it is makes you happy. And my advice would be ... try everything. Make your default setting 'why not?' so that you take advantage of opportunities. Even if you're a bit wobbly on the inside, if you plaster on a confident expression, people will respond to you accordingly.

Chin up smile

buttonortwo Sun 23-Feb-14 16:25:06

Thanks for replying cogito. Do you think that is what it was.. A rebound? Was with exh 12 yrs, separated 2 yrs before meeting P. He became controlling, violent on few occasions, jealous, then harassing.. I was becoming someone I'm not, felt trapped..
I'm not getting v many opportunities at the moment, hopefully that will change as I feel better.. Started ads...
On the other hand at least I'm 'out'...

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Feb-14 16:32:49

Maybe a slow lob of a rebound smile But seriously, two years after exiting a marriage, you'd have still been pretty vulnerable, feeling lonely and it would have been tempting to latch onto the next cab off the rank and play down any early warning signs. I'm sorry you had the bad luck to get an abusive one but I'm going to <high five> you for getting out ... many never do.

Don't worry therefore about getting opportunities. Embrace independence, get happy in your skin, boost your confidence, widen your social circle etc. When you can ditch the ADs and life feels good that's a better time to work out who - if anyone - you're prepared to allow to share it. You're special, your DS is special, your life is special.... set the bar high.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now