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About to separate - so scared for the future

(8 Posts)
pussyfooting Sun 23-Feb-14 13:16:51

That's it really. This has been a long time coming and I can't quite believe the s* and lies I've put up with over the last year or so for our 3 DCs' sakes. He now says he's going to move out, god knows how/where as we have a huge joint mortgage and debts that cost us over £1000 per month in min. payments. He earns 4x more than me and there is no way on earth I can afford the bills and mortgage payments on my own to enable me and DCs to stay in the house. We've been married nearly 15 years and have so much stuff - it's all just overwhelming. Any thoughts re what do do regarding money arrangements - or anything else - would be gratefully received. Just so sad right now, mainly for our beautiful, innocent children hmm.

Handywoman Sun 23-Feb-14 13:21:54

First step = go to a solicitor. At times like this they can advise you of your position/options and their expertise and impartiality can give you the clarity you need right now. There is a way. Wishing you all the best.

louby44 Sun 23-Feb-14 13:27:33

It can be done, believe me. I'm in the middle of it now! Get to a solicitor as they can suggest different scenarios. The first 30 minutes are free.

Be prepared for some strong emotions, you will feel bewilderment, deep sadness, anger, confusion etc but it slowly gets better.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Feb-14 13:28:35

Hope you have some emotional support as a first step. You appear quite resigned but it's still unpleasant. As a second step make an appointment with a solicitor so that you're operating from a sound foundation of facts rather than assumptions. Be prepared that, in order to start fresh, you may have to sell up or downsize. And, as for your children, I don't know how old they are but it probably won't have escaped their notice that things have been unhappy. If you can bury your differences when it comes to them, they could be more resilient than you think. Good luck but get a good lawyer.

pussyfooting Sun 23-Feb-14 13:41:43

Thank you for your replies. I did go to see a solicitor last August/September time for a free hour. They specialised in family law so I thought they would give good advice but he said he couldn't be specific without me instructing him. He gave me advice on divorce processes and said collaborative law would probably be the least litigious option. At the time I wasn't ready to hear all that, all I wanted, as now, is some practical advice on what to do in the immediate future. Not quite ready to think about divorce yet. Perhaps I should try another firm. Has anyone had a more helpful experience than me?

PottedPlant Sun 23-Feb-14 13:57:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pussyfooting Sun 23-Feb-14 15:14:12

Oh my god. I've just been snooping in 'his' garage - drawers etc. found 2 hotel bills for some swanky place in Wales. Seems he and OW spent the weekend there back in April. One bill has her address on it and naturally I googled it. She's only the wife of a well known ex England sportsman. I am shaking. Feel like ringing the papers or something. He friended her on Facebook about 6 months ago (I remember asking who she was and he fobbed me off with blah blah crap) and unfriended her a couple of days later - the name stuck with me though. It's her. Sorry everyone, my initial post has taken a whole new turn.

louby44 Sun 23-Feb-14 15:18:27

Oh my goodness!

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